Love? What is going on? A confused 18 year old male

[UnsureLifeJon]

I have been pretty lost lately. It is more or less about the loss of sexual drive to masturbate, and falling extremely hard for this girl. It is going to be a rather long post to fully explain the situation, so thanks for taking the time out to help me! I will put a small summary at the end if you don’t want to read the entire thing.

Ok so, I am a senior in high school. Like most kids our age, our sex hormones are going crazy! Typically, it is easy to fantasize over a girl in school or a porn video, but for the last 2 days it has gotten very difficult for me to masturbate, even to my favorite videos.

Last weekend it was prom. I have asked a girl who I have know from 3 years, a friend who I had some feelings for, but nothing more than a physical attraction. I used to have a big crush on her, but I never expressed any of my feelings towards her because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. This is very typical for me; in fact I have not had any girlfriends in high school at all. I have had many opportunities to do so; however I never make a move because I don’t want to ruin the friendship. I am the kind of guy who does not like conflict and goes out of the way to please others (others being friends), however I do stand up for myself when being picked on or bullied. So, basically, I am scared to lose the friendship that we have developed.

So prom comes along and I still did not have any feelings of love for her. In fact, I had stronger feelings for another girl. We drove off to dinner with our group, ate a very lovely meal, and then off to prom. Prom was great. I got to dance with her in a way that is very close and intimate, grinding. This is when I started to feel some sort of connection. Normally, when any girl, especially as attractive as she is, sticks her butt against my penis, I would get a stiffy. Yet dance after dance, I felt no sexual attraction. I was very pleased with that; it would have made this awkward if she felt it. So anyways, after dancing with her, I took a break. I come back and see her dancing with another guy, the same way (grinding). I felt very jealous, even though we are not dating at all, just friends. I then calmed myself down, saying that she can dance with who ever she likes, we are not dating so there is nothing wrong. So after prom, my feelings for her exploded, and I mean exploded. I was so happy just to be around her; after prom our group came to our house to watch movies and such. During this, I did not sit near her, but my mind was constantly thinking about her. In a non-threatening way, I was obsessed with her.

Everyone leaves Sunday morning, and I get back to my regular life. That entire day was spent reminiscing prom. This probably built up my affection for her. Monday comes along, and I was extremely happy to see her at school. We always walk down the same hall in the morning and gossip and chit-chat, so I tired to act normal, not like a have a major crush on her. I thought about being with her the entire time, not only being with her, but being in a relationship with her.

After school (Monday), I have the house to myself, and that is when typically masturbate. Normally, I can’t wait to explore my sexual fantasies. However, I felt nothing. I actually felt guilty for thinking about it. All I could think about was being with her.

Today (Tuesday) was practically the same. I got home, and this time felt the desire to masturbate, and so I did. Normally, it takes about 10 minutes or so to reach an orgasm. Today, it took me a little over 30 minutes. I watched my favorite videos that set me off really fast, yet I found it difficult to become aroused. All I could think about was this girl who I was crazy for.

So what is going on, have I fallen in love? What would make my sexual desire to vanish almost immediately after becoming addicted to this girl?

*QUICK SUMMARY*

Basically, I masturbate regularly like any 18 year old male. Prom was this past weekend, and I went with a friend who I had no feelings for her. After dancing and being with her during prom, I became enthralled with her. After prom, I find it VERY difficult to orgasm. I watched my favorite videos that normally set me off really fast, yet it took a little over 30 minutes to reach my climax.

So what is going on, have I fallen in love? What would make my sexual desire to vanish almost immediately after becoming addicted to this girl?

[malign]

Well, so far, the entire relationship is inside your own head. Masturbation isn't "bad", but it does have a tendency to reinforce that.

How about talking to the girl? Not "Hey, I've got a huge crush on you", but "Hey, I really enjoyed the prom. Would you like to go out for ...". Or even talking about not wanting to lose her friendship but liking her more than you thought you did.

As for worrying about your sex drive, believe me, there will come a time in your life when you're not surprised if you don't have an orgasm daily. :-) Far more than 90% of sex is in a person's head (some would say "heart"), and since you're clearly distracted by the young lady, that's probably all it is.

And my guess is you'd be surprised how much of this your parents already know. You don't have to be graphic, but you might be surprised how helpful talking to them about this in general terms could be. For one thing, it's likely they've experienced something similar themselves.

[UnsureLifeJon]

Thanks for posting Malign!

I grew up with pretty bad anxiety, luckily my mom has is 10x worse (not lucky for her lol). She was able to teach me tips to calm my self down. I think when all of this started to freak me out, I was having bad anxiety, which made me think too much about it. Not having much relationship experience I didnt know what I was feeling. After reading your post, I find comfort with what I am going through.

After some time passing (5 days), I feel a lot better. I talk to her daily, and we are going to the movies together tomorrow night =), just as friends though. Maybe it will turn into something else.

Thanks for posting, it always seem to help to get a different perspective =)!

-Jon (UnsureLife)