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sundays are hard to do


karig
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hi guys

I have returned from the void. I've been meaning to do this for awhile now but there's so much going on I havent allowed myself this time.

Usually I go to church on sundays but this is one of those times I just cant do it. Thats where I met my husband.

Yet I struggle because I really want to go. I did good last week, didnt spend the whole time bawling. I get tired of crying. I know its only been a little over a month since he left but because he was in hospital so long it seems like forever. I find myself asking "when does it stop?" but I know I need to give myself time. And I realize his passing starts a new kind of grief, so I need to give myself a break and stop being so hard on myself. But we all know how it works; the logical brain says one thing and the heart says another.

I cant believe how many triggers there are! Little things like taking out the garbage...he did that. Now hes not here to do it. Now that spring is finally pretending to appear the flowers are poking up. He'd snitch me flowers everytime he went out. There were days he'd come staggering home under the weight of 6 bags of groceries and flowers clutched in his hand. Now I see a flower and instantly feel the pain. Summer is going to be so hard, flowers everwhere!

However, some good has come of all this. His long lost family appeared and I'm in touch with most of them. That has been wonderful, yet so bittersweet.

Families can be so stupid,taking for granted that each other is going to be around forever and not letting each other know they care. Hind-sight is 20 20

they say and its so true. Yet we are all human and make our own mistakes.

It is good to let it out, even though I'm exhausted now. Thankful for the genius that thought of this web site!! And thankful for those out there that care!!

Till next time...

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:(karig, your love was so great and so you feel the loss so deeply. I am sorry for your sorrow. Is there any way you can get back to the simple joy that he intended when he gave you those flowers? I know that is what he would want you to feel. Maybe it is too hard right now, but he surely would not want you to feel pain over his loving gestures, he did those things to make you happy. Give yourself time. Post here whenever you need.

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Hi Kari

Nice to have you back!

We are all here for you, anytime! This will take time for you to get over! You have to adjust to your new way of living!

Your husband may not be there with you in flesh, but he will be there with you in mind and soul! Remember that!

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