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stressed reality


nightfalls
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forgeting,

I was like that in the beginning of the week. It just hits me like that and it is hard to handle. I can just feel the awful feeling inside of me, and usually I can get a grip somewhat, but when it feels like everything in life is just too much... debts, kids,the house, the car, the way I look, the way I feel, the feelings inside of my head...it feels like it is all on top of me and I wish I could run away from it all! Is it worth all this? I start getting jealous of my spouse who gets to work all day, come home, eat the supper I made him, and than he is back out the door again! I get tired of running the household and I just want some relief. I don't want to be touched, or even carry a conversation with anyone...I just want the day to end and hope that the next one will be better, and it usually is, I could not imagine living everyday like that..I would not be able to survive it! But there is an appreciation when I finally feel like,"wow! The sun in shining and my kids are the best, and I feel okay!"

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Sometiems it's like im walking a very fine line, i'll feel fine but it takes only a tiny little thing for me to suddenly come plumeting down again. When im faced with that and the primary feeling behind the low mood is fustration I fink loud angry music helps me release it some and i can calm down and regain control and start to feel okay again.

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I, too, have felt just as you have described. I am frequently overwhelmed by the stresses of life and, even when someone reminds that I have gotten through in the past, I can't see it. I can only see bleakness and feel trapped. I am sorry you are feeling this way. I was in the same place just last week. I tend to believe that, because so much has gone wrong in my life, that I always expect everything to go wrong. I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hope this is something that passes for you. I can certainly empathize. I tend to end up in a state of avoidance and dread for days at a time and, when I come out of it, feel stupid for having gone there... again!

Hang in there. You are not obvously not alone in this.

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I think it's also important to point out that people who aren't depressed have ups and downs in mood across days and across weeks. Some of my clients who were depressed automatically assumed that if they weren't dealing with depression, they would feel great moodwise all of the time. THAT SIMPLY ISN"T THE CASE!!! Mood fluctuates for everyone (whether they are depressed, anxious, etc. or not), depending on what's going on on our lives, how much sleep we've gotten, etc.

Your thinking in response to mood fluctuations is key. Try not to think "this is clearly a sign that everything is terrible, that I'll never be well." or "I am the only person that has mood changes and it's terrible." Something like 'yeah, this sucks that my mood is down, but it will go back up" or "Everyone deals with mood changes... I am not the only one' (or however you personally want to say it) is much more helpful.

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Your thinking in response to mood fluctuations is key. Try not to think "this is clearly a sign that everything is terrible, that I'll never be well." or "I am the only person that has mood changes and it's terrible." Something like 'yeah, this sucks that my mood is down, but it will go back up" or "Everyone deals with mood changes... I am not the only one' (or however you personally want to say it) is much more helpful.

Good point. One of the problems I have with my moods is that if my mood takes a downturn, particularly for a reason I can't discern, it's likely to take a further downturn because I'm upset that I'm feeling down and I become worried that it signals a return of the depression. It's a hard cycle to break.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Crowyhead,

I agree with Natalie that the way you think about your moods is key. In fact, what you describe is a good example of how our thinking can exaggerate things and make us feel worse. For example, I am reminded of the person who misses the bus on the way to work. This is a familier scenario for most of us. Having missed the bus, the person thinks, "wow, this is a terrible day."

No, it's not a terrible day. It may feel terrible or frustrating to have missed the bus, but many wonderful things may lie ahead in this day.

Allan:)

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My intention is not to preach. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed and anxious I recall a passage from the Teachings of Buddha that says the world of suffering does not exist outside the mind. What I believe this means is that if you take a look outside right now - regardless of the weather - the scene you see outside simply exists beyond thought and emotion. So if you're looking out, you may see trees swaying in the wind, birds in the sky, or it could be raining; yet, the scenery does not operate or change based on human thought or feelings. In my case, all of the stress of exams, expectations, self-comparisons I make of myself and others, deadlines, or my worries about how others think of me, don't exist within the scenery outside my mind.

Basically, when my emotions and my thoughts make me panic, I try to stop all my tracks of thought, take a few minutes to simply breath, then I try again minus a few of the tracks of thought that were driving me crazy.

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