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tired and depressed


renol
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Feeling so tired and depressed. I feel like I'm on this down ward spiral and I can't get off it. maybe I could if I wanted to. Not sure I want to. so tired of fighting and struggling to feel better just to get knocked back down again. So tired of life. hate life right now. hate my life. hate life. whys it got to be so hard and painful.

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Hey renol, just as good times must end, so must bad times. If you feel really tired, perhaps you should make a point to take care of yourself by catching up on a hobby or interest to relax. A brisk walk around the neighbourhood, or going to bed early and shutting your eyes will help. Of course, if you do not mind, you can always talk about what has you so down today.

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That's just it. The bad times don't end. The depression never goes away, it hides occasionally, ever so briefly, but never goes away. I don't feel like doing anything. I especially don't feel like taking care of myself.

Not sure why I'm feeling so down, so emotionally tired. Just tired of feeling period.

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Hi Renol. I know what you mean, being tired. Sometimes I think, "What's the use? It's just going to happen again and again." Sometimes I pray to God to just take me right there and then because I'm tired of living. But after that, I think about my baby and I move on. Or, sometimes my attention just gets transferred eslewhere, and then I forget about what I was thinking, until the next time. Some help I am, huh? :D

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Renol and OCDmom,

I agree with Kaudio :) that it is important to get away sometimes, even if its for a couple of hours.

Please also remember, words like "always" and "never" are not accurate. Depression does abate or lessen and even go away. The idea is that, when it does lessen or leave, enjoy the improve feeling and do not tell yourself that it will just return. You know, the thoughts we think can make things worse or better.

Are either of you seeing a psychotherapist???

Allan

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you all for your responses. I haven't logged in here for a while, mostly because it seems like it takes such a long time to get any responses or comments on here. I'm not that patient of a person.

I wish I could say I'm feeling better, I'm not.

OCDmom I wish I had some positive distractions in my life right now. I don't have kids and living with my elderly mother who is self sufficient but emotionally very needy. I don't think I can separate myself from my depression. Maybe that's part of my problem. I've been depressed all my life. I don't know life without depression.

This question is for ASchwartz. I notice that your always pushing psychotherapy. I've been in therapy for a little over 4 years now, on a very regular bases, pretty much every week. I guess my question is do you believe that psychotherapy works for everyone? How do you know if you reach a point when it is no longer helping? and Can a person actually get worse from being in therapy?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Renol, and OCDmom

"Does therapy work for everyone?" That is a complicate question because a lot depends on the motivation of the client, the skill of the therapist, how well therapist and client are matched and the type of psychotherapy.

Sometimes it happens that a client will make little or no progress with a therapist, move to another one, and make huge progress. Why? The answer could be the skill of the therapist or the motivation of the client. By motivation, part of what I mean is the openness of the client, how willing are you to tell ALL, how willing is the therapist to Hear All, how much of the therapy focuses on the relationship between therapist and client, and is should.

Here is my suggestion:

If someone is in therapy for a few years, like you, and are not getting better, it is time to look for another therapist.

I can report to you that therapy is helpful to enormous numbers of people. Maybe its time for you to look for someone else. Discuss it with your therapist.

OCD mom: speaking to your psychiatrist once a month is NOT Therapy.

Allan

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Renol,

I am pleased the article was helpful. Would you mind telling what about the article was helpful or what questions it answered for you? The information helps me understand what is or is not helpful to people when I write. Of course, you do not have to if you prefer not to and that is OK with me.

Thanks,

Allan :)

Allan

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Hi Allan,

I read your article and it gave me some comfort to know that if therapy doesn't work for me, it may not be all my fault--that it could be many things, like the compatibility between the therapist and the client, or if the client does not motivate himself, or is not motivated by the therapist to change, and so forth. However, you also mention that therapy does end and that the ultimate goal of therapy is to finish and leave. And, if the client is feeling better, is functioning at work, has improved relationships at home and has a social life, that is a sign that the client is ready to end his therapy. Does this mean that depression can be cured? No more bad feelings you can't get out of and no more really bad thoughts? That would be great and also be a big motivator to trying very hard to stop the negative thoughts in my head and to convince myself to believe the positive tho'ts I'm trying to replace them with. I think that's where my problem is---in not believing those positive tho'ts that I am worthy or important etc. I have been feeling good this past week, and I function pretty well at work, but I still hate myself, so does this mean I'm almost halfway there? Or, is it that therapy only helps us to learn to live w/ the depression and learn the right things to say or think, to convince ourselves that we are good and worthy beings? I really need to know the answer to this; I have been in therapy for about 2-1/2 months and I don't see much progress in my thinking as yet, but I really need to know that the bad feelings and tho'ts are going to all end someday soon so I don't give up at this point. Thank you.

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Guest ASchwartz

Dear JP and Karai,

First, JP, thanks for the vote of confidence that I will have "words of wisdom." :D "Duh, I donno" :rolleyes: But seriously, I agree with what you said to karai about therapy.

Karai and JP and everyone, no, there is no such thing as no longer having bad feelings, etc. That would be unrealistic. We all live with "angst" for a variety of reasons. Among those reasons are the fact that everyone faces the dread of death someday and that troubles all of us whether we can admit it or not. Also, we all struggle to find meaning in our lives and that is never easy and never done. You see, karai, there really is no such thing as "those who are normal" and "those who are sick and depressed and anxious." We shift around during our lives as to how much "angst" we are feeling.

Therapy helps or should help us remove the "blind spots or obstacles" that we put in our way to accomplishing those things we want, including finding our own meaning. Ultimately, the idea is that we will feel Less Depressed for Less of the time but there is no such thing as a Cure because there is no such thing as a cure to life and its issues. Yet, Yes, we can find happiness but not all the time.

Karai, all I can say is that two and one half months is woefully little time in therapy. When I was in therapy it ranged from two to three times per week for years. And, it was not just for my training but because I was (am) dealing with issues related to yours and my own.

Karai, it is important that you reveal everything in your therapy and, if you cannot, then discuss that with your therapist. This includes how you feel about your therapist, both good, bad, angry, happy, disappointed.

JP and I are open to questions about this from you and everyone else.

Allan

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Hi JulianP and Allan,

Thank you for your very helpful advice, but I guess I am an impatient person and I do not want to travel that long and hurtful path to emotional freedom, but I do know that that's the only way to get there. I don't see it as an adventure but maybe a painful enlightenment? In my therapy, we are not looking for the root causes of the bad tho'ts, but how to recognize those voices then try to stop them by telling them to shut up, or whatever. I haven't gotten to replacing the voices w/ the positive tho'ts yet, because that's where the problem lies---that I do not believe the words that I am supposed to replace them with. How do I overcome that? I guess that is another thing I have to discuss w/ my T.

Allan, I understand that we do go thro' those roller coaster ups and downs thro'out our lifetimes, but when I am in my highs, it's always in the back of my mind that this may end any minute w/o warning, well warning that I don't catch, but even if I do catch them, I don't how to deal w/ them. That ol' pathological critic always is waiting in the wings, ready to get me any chance it gets! I think I live in fear of that, especially in my good moments. So, when you talk about the dread of death someday, I don't necessarily find that true at all, for myself at least. I actually am waiting for it, it can't come soon enough! No, I haven't been open and honest w/ my T about those particular tho'ts for fear of hospitalization, but I guess I should be because I feel I am stuck and can't move forward w/ these tho'ts always clouding my mind.

I'm tired; can I just resign from this world? :)

Edited by karai
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Guest ASchwartz

Dear Karai,

Please do not resign yourself from this world. Even though I only know you via the internet, I would miss you terribly if you resigned yourself. A poet once said that he is made less by the loss of any person in his life. That's how I feel.

Stop thinking pathological and instead try to remember that some of your thoughts are unhelpful to you. I know what you mean when you say that the depressed thoughts are always back there waiting to take center stage. I call it "waiting for the other shoe to drop" if I am feeling good.

You are in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and all therapy takes time and patience. I hope you tell your therapist about your impatience. You will get there when the lows will not be so low and you will feel better for longer periods. How do I know? I am not only a therapist (now retired) but I was a patient, too, and I know all about depression: its an old pal of mine, but not so much anymore.

What do you think?

Allan :)

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Hi Allan,

I guess I'm just so tired of it all but I guess I can put my resignation on hold for now. I see my T on Monday and, as you recommend, I am considering opening up and being more honest w/ him and telling him about my baddest tho'ts, and whatever happens, happens. I don't really care! At this point, I guess I am just confused and disappointed in myself. I think I'm trying but, because I don't believe the good tho'ts, no progress is being made. Those bad feelings will always come back; I never have to wait too long for my "other shoe to drop". It's my fault because I just can't be totally honest w/ my T about all my bad tho'ts and feelings---I think maybe he will think I'm hopeless and helpless. I wouldn't be surprised if he gave up on me, I would. Okay, I will add impatience to my list of items to discuss w/ my T, but right now I don't even want to go see him at all (what's the point?). But, don't worry, I sometimes feel that way before my appts. but end up in his office anyway. Thank you for your words of hope; I'm just sorry that I can't be so receptive to them right now. :(

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Guest ASchwartz

Karai,

You fear that you therapist will think you hopeless and give up, but, it is really you who think you hopeless. And, you are not.

Listen, there are no such things as "bad thoughts," only thoughts. You need to work on stopping judging yourself.

The more you can tell your therapist the better for you. Self revelation in therapy is always an important goal so that you can remove blind spots from your life, remove obstacle in your life and go on to achieve your full potential.

Allan

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I you are finding it hard to explain to your Therapist, do what I do and write it all down in a letter and give it to him on your approach, that way, you are telling him everything and then he will ask you questions on the issues that he/you feel are relevant!

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Hi Allan and Paula,

Thanks for the suggestions and advice. Paula, I have been doing just as you suggest and it does work very well for me. For the past couple of sessions, I've been giving my T a written list of things I wanted to discuss. It does work better than me trying to remember what I wanted to ask, or reading from my journal. I did just that this morning, but it didn't go as well as I pictured it would, unfortunately. I think because I was a bit too anxious today.

Allan, after much hesitation, and in total fear, I did finally tell my T, well, had him read it, my concerns about my death/suicide thoughts and it turned out way better than I imagined---I'm still here, at home, in my bedroom, writing this, and not in some hospital! That was a fear I did tell him about too. It was reassuring to finally get that off my chest. We ended up discussing ways I could deal w/ those feelings and thoughts, and he was happy that I trusted him enough to tell him this.

Well, it's a start and we both do agree that I have a long way to go despite my impatience. I really feel good about this. Thank you!!! :)

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Guest ASchwartz

Karai,

I am so very pleased you were able to share your thoughts and fears with your therapist and find out that you were not getting hospitalized. It is really important for trust to build between client and therapist and it appears you are starting on that good road. It is better to bring out of the shadows and into the full light of day, our deepest and darkest thoughts, fears and fantasies with our therapists. It is a relief and liberating. Keep up the good work but, please remember, you are encouraged to share you worries and concerns with us and please ask questions, as well. We are here for each other.

Allan :)

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Hi Allan,

It was scary to reveal so much but it makes me feel so relieved that it's out. I only actually admitted to having these thoughts---that's all I could bear for now. There is more to tell but I think I'll take it one appointment at a time. These things, the actual "details", I hesitate telling may very well result in what I'm afraid of (yes, I think it is that bad)! So, for now I'm just opening the door and standing on the threshold, but for me to actually go inside and be "completely in the open", not yet!

I also experienced what may have been a panic attack. What do you think it was and why did it happen? After my session, I was walking to my car and all I remember was going into and out of the elevator on the 3rd floor where my car was parked. I usually park on the ground level and I have no fear of heights. But, a few steps out of the elevator I was overcome w/ emotion, a very bad "funk", so bad that I automatically called my T. I was almost in tears! This has never happened to me before. I've also never just called him w/o much hesitation and agonizing about bothering him, especially only about 10 minutes after leaving his office! Well, I think he wanted me to come back but I insisted on going home. I just had to leave. So, he told me to do one of the things we discussed when I was having these death/suicide thoughts, which I did when I got home.

(I actually don't remember driving until about half way home!) I've been thinking about this for 2 days now and I still don't know what happened. I had to apologize to my T the following day because I felt like such a jerk, so stupid and pathetic! When I asked, he said it did seem like a panic attack. Well, this is something we definitely will be talkiing about in my next session! So, Allan, any clues as to what happened to me? On reflection, I do have a thing about heights but connected w/ these thoughts, not a fear of it. I know I wasn't thinking anything about heights or other stuff when getting into the elevator. I was actually kind of confused/numb, like how I sometimes am after leaving my T's office, so not really thinking about anything.

I hope you can give me some insight into what happened to me on Monday. I don't ever want that to happen again.

Thank you very much for your support and always being there for me and everyone else.

Edited by karai
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