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How do I get free from an abusive person


sofia
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Hi

I had a five year relationship with a guy that sheated on me, abused me verbaly and all the things frequent to these situations;one year ago with some help from family and friend we broke our relayionship. However this happened when I was in another country and in a way I cannot control we are still "friends", which means I help him out and he treats me like shit. The last situation was yesterday, when we were driving from the beach, I was talking he started shouting "shut up"; I was calm and told him that he did not have the right to that. he meved the weel of the car and turned it to rails of the highway I was really scared and did shut up. I know this guy is bad for me but I am obscessed with him (???) thinking where he is, if he is OK... I do not know how to control my thought and my idiot behaviour... yesterday I had fear...

any suggestions? I had recently a therapist that tried to "extend" our contact, how I can leave this circle of thought?

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Hi Sofia, yes these attachments are so hard to move away from!! Can you state your goal to your therapist, that you are now ready to end the relationship and that you need help? Congratulations for making it to this point; it is not easy at all I know. Please keep reminding yourself you are trying to get to a place of safety.:(

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I am now without therapist: he wanted to have sex with me! I need to this by myself but even as I speek I am getting anxious because that "idiot" did not call me, or wrotte and when he saw me in the street he turned his face... why cant I be angry? and why I am not able to get him off my mind? today I am leaving my phone at work and maybe this computer should also stay... to avoid tempations! I am a very very sick person!!!:(

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sofia, you are not the only one here who has struggled with strong attachments! Please do not be so hard on yourself. We have found it really matters what you are saying inside your head to yourself. If the selftalk is terribly negative you will in turn become terribly driven toward acting out in order to change how bad you feel inside. Can you feel a little compassion for you and what you are struggling with? You need you in order to break this obsession.:(

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I fell I should be harder on myself, control myself better! It has only been three days since I last saw him, and I keep wandering if he is OK, what is he doing , why does he not call me? He is not phisically in my life but he is always around, I have to be constantly diverting my thoughts, these last few days I worked as hard as possible but when I arrive home I start feeling this need of him! Of being abused?

I was reading another post and that girl reminded so much of me, she spends her time trying to understand him and not to find ways to leave him...

For me the worst feeling is I did not get rid of him and I am afraid to find someone else that will do me the same. To finish a relationship that does not exist anymore... I feel I am paranoid...

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