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Today Is Yet Another Day Of Rituals , Cutting & Obsessing Not Sure Where To Go Or What To Do.. I Was Wondering If Anyone Here Was Religious? And Was Christian? No One Has To Answer That I Just Have Some Questions About It Is All..I Can't Sleep It's Been Days Sense I've Had Any... I Hate Myself For Needing Sleep I Hate The Nightmares That I Re-live Everytime I Do Go To Sleepyland:( It's Horrible.. I Wonder What It's Like TO Live (Normal) Or Like (Everyone Else) I Just Don't Know.. I'm Lost & Confused On Just About Everything In Life... How Do You Deal With Sexual Abuse? Rape & Miss-Carry?? Especially When you Wanted A Family After You Finished School & Got Married??:) **Sighs**.. I Didn't Even Know I Was Preg I Just Thought (Miss Flow) Didn't Come Cuz I Was Stressing Out Over It All But Then Flow Came After About 2 Months & It Wasn't Normal And I Freaked Out And Went To The ER By Myself For Them ToTell Me I'm Having A Miss-Carry:(.. I've Never Been So Scared, Humiliated, And Sad In My Life.. To Think I Actually got Preg By The Guy WHo Broke In My Home Terrifies Me.. I've Wanted A Family Of My Own It's Always Been On My Mind..But I Wanted Everything To Be (Special) And To Do Everything Right... I've Always Been terrified of Sex Sense A Lil Girl I Think That Is The Only Reason Why I Haven't Been Pregnant By My Own Will .. When Those Men Touched Me I Felt Disgusting & Couldn't Do Anything About It.. The Thought Of Sex Sickens Me .. I Never Knew that Break In Would Happen In June And That I'd Have A Mini Me Under My Heart like I've Always Wanted & Now It's Gone.. I Have A Feeling I was Carrying A lil Girl But I Have No Idea... So I Named Her Serenity Emma Reign **Sighs**.. The Only Thing I Can Think Of Sense Losing Her On August 16th Is That I Didn't Protect my Child the Way That I Promised I Would... I Was Never Protected & I Wanted My Future Babies To have Everything I Didn't & Feel On Top Of The World & Loved.. I Failed My Baby... By Not even Knowing She Existed Until I Lost Her **Cries** I cant Stop Thinking Of What My baby Would've Looked And Acted Like.. Would My Baby Be Like Her (Dad) Whom I Don't Even Know At All Only that he's Black & Evil Beyond Words.. Or Would My Baby look Like Me?? I Just Don't Know.. I'm Lost For Words Again So I'll Post The Poem I Wrote for My Baby And Logg off For A lil While Thank you So Much Everyone For Listening & Being here For Me .. I've never Had Anyone Really Talk To Me Before .. It's Quite Nice & Interesting..

My Poem:

Your coming in the world will be like no other.

You're my baby boy/ girl and I will be your mother..

As crazy as it seems.. I see you i my dreams

A long journey is to come... A new life has begun..

Your my precious baby and no one can ever take your place!!...

You have something special called (Mommies Grace)

I dunno where to start I have a mini me living under my heart..

I have such joys.. No longer am I playing with doll toys..

I wonder what you see... When you look at me?

Do you feel my love? You have me caught in your heart like a baseball in a glove..!!!

I don't know what to do if your not by myside..You make me no longer want to hide..

As bright as the day..ou help take my pains away..

You're my bright morning star..You'll never be.. Too far...

The day I see you I'll change gears.. For these will be my first shed happy tears..

You bring me life... & You helped me put down my knife.

You'll always be protected...You'll never be rejected!!!

In my heart you will stay NO ONE can ever take my BABY AWAY!!!!!!!!

xo Babygirl

Take Care & Thanks For Reading

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Hi Babygirl,

I also want to welcome you to the community. I have been following your rpevious threads, and want to clearly say that you are welcome here regardless of your issues and you will not scare us away. Many of us completely understand and have had similar experiences.

Yes, many of us believe in Christ, and if you are interested there is a thread called 'anyone want to talk about God'... you should check it out.

Your statement about wanting to live normal and like everyone else - what is that? We all have different challenges, it is how we respond to them. I know that you can find support here for making positive changes and that the symptoms can be reduced. You are strong to have already survived this much, and you will be able to use that strength to heal as well. Keep writing and let us know how you are doing.

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