I wonder if I have ADD??

[JaneE]

Hello!

I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder about 10 years ago, but I also wonder if I could be ADD? I'm not hyperactive, however... usually quite the opposite.

I go through periods of a month or months when I cannot keep organized, I cannot keep "on top" of my life. Everything just seems to spiral out of control and I just want to sit around and do nothing. It's like my energy doesn't flow in a straight line, but spirals inward uselessly.

Sometimes my mind races, other times it's quite blank.

It's terrible because I'm an artist and work for myself, I enjoy my work when I can do it, but why can I just not do it sometimes?? Sometimes I just want to give up and get a job (like that is possible in this economy haha), but I can never keep up there either. I tend to have nervous breakdowns on the order of every 3 years or so because this world moves too fast for me, or at least that's how it always seemed. I'd just crash.

Then again sometimes I'll feel quite "normal". I have energy, I can work and things get done! The house is clean and I feel great. This happens once in awhile, sometimes for a couple of weeks at a time. It's exhilarating to feel normal.

As I get older it seems to get worse. I always thought perhaps it's a very mild form of bipolar, but I don't get the mad highs or impulsivity like I've read about with this condition.

I have so much work to do and my house is a mess, but all I can do is pace around aimlessly. I don't feel interested in anything and can't get inspired. I'm worried my clients will be angry with me for taking so long on their projects, and I don't know how my husband can put up with me not making money consistently.

I keep thinking it's a focus thing?

I don't have health insurance so I don't have a doctor. Should I try to get one anyhow?

I make little enough that I can qualify for medicaid, but it's awful and intimidating to deal with.

What is wrong with me? This is so frustrating.

Jane

[mscat]

Hi Jane,

I am not a professional , however after reading yur post, I saw a lot of characteristics of depression.

Do you feel depressed? not being able to get things done, can be a symtom, sometimes feeling better then other times, and unable to complete tasks , or housecleaning, not having the energy to do it, it just reminds me of a depressed person. With some anxiety kicking in. Anxiety from not accomplishing the things you want to do, and the pacing around, knowing things have to be done, yet still unable to do so. the guilt for not doing so, and the uncertainy.

Just a thought, what do you think?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Jane,

Mscat makes a good point, as she often does and I want to add that there can be a combination of things. Yes, there could be some avoidant personality characteristics but that you can also have ADD without the "H" or hyperactivity. However, your focusing problem could stem from depression or stem from both.

Your best bet would be to see a psychiatrist and get as accurate a diagnosis as possible.

Do you take any medications such as anti depressants and are you in psychotherapy?

Allan:)

[JaneE]

I've been on and off anti-depressants for the last 20 years. They (like any drug) work for awhile and then they don't. When I gained 30lbs on Celexa I decided that was it. I figured I could still be depressed but not paying for drugs or gaining crazy amounts of weight on them. I weaned myself off of that drug (it was still awful to withdraw from, far more so than any drug I'd been on before). Since then I've been 'drug free' and I'm hoping to stay that way. Oh yes, I still get depressed, but I don't miss the anti-depressants and I've lost 30lbs!!! Okay stress from going though an awful time with my husband helped too, but hey, at least there's a bright side, at least I'm not fat anymore!

My brother had ADD, but I don't know which kind. He took Ritalin when we were kids, but because I was quiet I was ignored though I was an awful student; disorganized and inattentive.

What made me wonder about the ADD is how it tends to feel like a physical thing.

The thing that stood out for me about ADD-pi is how it starts early in life, you get bad treatment for not performing well, which leads to low self-esteem and segues into other disorders by the time you're an adult... such as depression, social anxiety and the like. I was also diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder.

THEN I read about how there seems to be a connection to mothers who smoked while pregant. Mine did. I have a lot of other health problems from it too.

But yeah. I get depression pretty bad, though I'm not feeling too awful right now. One of these days I should post a 'rant' I wrote when I was feeling REALLY REALLY Depressed. Although I don't suppose that kind of thing helps anyone.

Thank you for the thoughts on this, you guys!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi JaneE,

Yes, it is possible that you have ADD. In fact, ADD and depression go together.

You know, better than medication for ADD and Depression is a type of psychotherapy called, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Have you thought about that?

Allan

[Someguy]

The way JaneE writes is very focused which seems counter intuitive to an ADD diagnosis? Plus, her writing style seems similar to the way I approach paragraphs. Basically, I'm saying I relate towards what she is saying and how she writes.

There are definitely Bipolar and OCD/APD traits in my immediate family, namely my parents, so to me having 'unique' personality characteristics is just par for the course. However, I certainly do not display the hyperactivity you would witness with a Bipolar or ADHD personality.

This is the way I draw:

http://pnhassett.blogspot.com/

So, I often wonder how a mind can be so focused, yet be ADD at the same time?

I definitely relate towards this paragraph however I've never been diagnosed:

The thing that stood out for me about ADD-pi is how it starts early in life, you get bad treatment for not performing well, which leads to low self-esteem and segues into other disorders by the time you're an adult... such as depression, social anxiety and the like. I was also diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder.

Plus add in facial paralysis:

http://www.facial-palsy.com/kids_with_facial_palsy.html

You got a real stew to cook with.

Edited October 13, 2009 by Someguy