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Funny instructions


SweetSue
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HI EVERYONE

FOUND THIS ONE ON THE NET, HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT, IT MADE ME SMILE ANYWAY..........

Funny Instructions

Some eaxamples of why the Human Race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods.

On Sears hairdryer :

Do not use whilst sleeping.

(Gee, thats the only time i have to work on my hair !)

On bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner ! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special !)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions ; Use like regular soap.

(And that would be how ?)

On some Swan frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion : Defrost.

(But its "just" a suggestion !)

On Tescos Tiramisu dessert: (printed oon the bottom)

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late ! You lose !)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot, after heating.

(Are you sure ? Lets experiment !)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron on body

(But wouldnt that save more time ?)

((Whose body ?))

On Boots Childrens cough medicine:

Do not drive a car or opperate machinery.

(We coould do a lot to reduce the construction accidents, if we could just keep these 5yr olds of those fork lifts !)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning : may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope !)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning : keep out of children.

(Hmmm..... Something must have gotten lost in translation ...)

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space !)

On a Food processor:

Not to be used for other use,

(Now im curious !)

On Sainsburys peanuts:

Warning : may contain nuts.

(But no peas ?)

On American Airlines nuts:

Instructions : open packet, eat nuts.

(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this !)

On a Swedish Chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Hand up if you tried this one !)

On a childs Superman Costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh, go ahead ! Thats right, destroy a universal childhood belief...)

Take care

Jj

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FUZZY LANGUAGE

The following list of phrases and their diffenitions miight help you understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"

I did'nt look up the reference.

"A DEFINATE TREND IS EVIDENT"

These data are probably meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE, DEFINATE ANSWERS, TO THE QUESTIONS"

An unsuccessful experiment, but still, I hope to get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"

The other results didnt make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"

This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"

I might get round to it sometime, if published / funded

"IN MY EXPERIENCE"

Once.

"IN CASE AFTER CASE"

Twice

"IN A SERIES OF CASES"

Thrice

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"

I think.

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"

A couple of others think so too.

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