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nervous to post this


cyblue
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I was told once that they are just thoughts and we are much more than just that...so please don't worry or anything...:(

This is kind of a venting thing…

i am tired. Not physically, mentally. Tired of fighting every day just to try to maintain ‘normal’ status. i work full-time. i’m taking three college courses. i can’t drop any classes or i lose my financial aid and then i can’t go to school at all. when i’m not in school i get bored and boredom breeds very bad thoughts in my brain. but now those thoughts have taken hold regardless and i don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to make them go away this time. i’m on two antidepressants as it is – what else is there to do?

Lost in thought…

cy

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you have amazingly described the thought process I am currently in as well and the mental exhaustion. Boredom is also very dangerous for me. All I can say is I understand and hang in there. Let you support system know that you are tired and need a little extra help right now.

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Thanks, mabaer, for letting me know there's someone else out there who can kinda understand.

i have a very small support group - like one person who 'gets it' and can tell when i am in trouble. this person really wants me in touch with my therapist as quickly as possible. i said 'what good will it do me' and they said 'just do it'. since i trust my friend, i called and got an appointment for next week instead of two weeks out. until then, i'll just wander around in my head i guess.

cy

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You know, the thought I had, when you said you felt bored most of the time, was that the last thing you want to do in that case is drop classes. Is there more you can do to stimulate yourself, instead? Get books to read, go for nature walks, get into photography, whatever? At least assuming that the problem really is boredom, and not something else. Some people need more stimulation than others.

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Thanks for the advice, malign.

when this scenario has happened in the past...they told me i was stressed out...which means they want to take stuff away instead of letting me find a new outlet. it gets frustrating. i'm just taking my little pills and showing up everyday. this apparently makes it look like i've gone off into my head because someone came up to me today and kinda said 'we need you out here, not in there'. i do suppose there's a bit of truth to that - that i do withdraw even more into my own head which is not good because that is where the bad thoughts live.

wow...that was quite a little rant...sorry.

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Just my two cents, but I actually find adding a walk around the neighbor helps me let go and release the stress. The walking does a lot to be able to sort thru my thoughts and release stress. I agree with malign. (and with ear phones in you can talk to yourself and noone will think it odd) :-)

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Cy,

Can I ask, what made you "nervous to post this"? We've all had our down-times. We might want assurances that you're okay, but other than that, you didn't say anything that shocking.

Another question, what is that you're "fighting", to "maintain 'normal' status", whatever that is? Is it something in you, or outside? If it's inside, do you think it's changeable? Then, do you believe it's changeable, which is quite a different thing?

Most of these questions are just to give you something to think and talk about while you wait for a therapist, but they can't hurt. ;-)

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i get nervous about the bad thoughts because sometimes they have a way of making other people nervous too.

i know they are just a part of my makeup and i can ignore them up to a point. they scare me most when i think i might act on them - by the time i am writing openly about them then they are engrained in my brain almost to that point.

i have been talking to one of my support people who made me changed my next appt with the therapist to a sooner date. i asked what i should say, and he said with the way you've been acting...just go in...its more in what you're not saying right now. in other words i have apparently been acting odd in addition to thinking odd.

i try real hard not to dwell on the 'normal' part of life. i just try to assimilate as best as possible and keep the questioning looks at bay.

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