So scared...

[Fidelia]

Christmas 2006 I got really sick, and was hospitalized for five months with GAD, depression and social anxiety. It was the worst time of my life, and I had to work so hard to get better...and I did. Life has been sweet since May, 2007....but now.... I'm starting to experience panic attacks and anxiety, and it scares me. I feel like I'm going to slip into the dark again. Is it possible this is something that will pass? I don't know, and just the uncertainty makes me feel worse. I feel helpless, and don't know what to do...

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Fidelia,

Welcome to our Online Support Community. Everyone is welcome to comment on everything.

I would urge you to see a therapist, either Psychologist or Licensed Clinical Social Woker who use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The purpose is so that you start working on your issues before they get any worse. If you still have a psychiatrist or therapist from the first time, and they know your case, it would make sense for you to see them.

Can you tell us more about your self and what do others suggest??

Allan

[Ob1one]

It's not as serious as you think. I've said this before I had an anxiety disorder, but I had it a little worse then you. In addition to panic attacks I would get extreme diarrea and Extreme EXTREME bloating set off by anxiety and fear. I don't do well socially also.

It will pass this I promise i had this problem for about a year and a half. One thing that helped is I'm Christian and God spoke to my father telling him that I didn't have to do anything and He(God) would take care of everything. I held on to that and it helped a lot.

I do recommend a therapist be sure that he/she is right for you, you may want to try more then one, I was lucky I got a great one on the first try. Martial Arts help out a heck of a lot. Do some sort of agressive martial art like Karate, Kung fu, or Tai quan do. Also get into meditation like deep breathing.

Deep breathing meditation is simple and affective just sit down take a deep breath focus on that breath. Breathe through the nose and exhale from the mouth. Picture the breath through the nose as light chi flowing into your longs, as for the exhale, picture it as black representing bad chi flowing out of your mouth.

As for Martial Arts I wouldn't recommend Tai Chi because when your anxious you'll have trouble going slowly taking deep breathes with every movement. Like I said before be more aggressive with your movements.

A warning though. One of the ways I helped get through my anxiety which I don't want you to get into is anger. I would get really aggressive at home where when I got anxious I would kinda switch the emotion into anger, take it from me just don't do that. Trust me... I say this because you could naturally get into this so its better to know about it so you don't do it.

[Proverbs31:28]

I had my first major depressive episode with panic attacks in March, 2004. I was told then that 70% of people who have a major depressive episode will never have another. After I had the second (and was hospitalized again) I was told the likelihood of me having another was still relatively low, but had gone up with the second episode. After the third episode (again hospitalized) I was told I would likely have recurring episodes, and I do. However, now, I can see a "pattern" of sorts and know when I am starting to slip into the darkness. I cannot always pull myself out, however, which is why I agree with Alan that you seek a therapist. I have been in the midst of another major depression for several weeks now and recently went to a new therapist because nothing I was doing on my own helped. I kinda wish I had gone sooner because I may not have gotten as bad as I did. I would hate for you to look back in 3-4 weeks and think "I should have gotten help sooner."

I will aslo encourage you to share your story and feelings here. I have gotten so much wonderful feedback and encouragement from lay folks in similar situations as well as the professionals here and I am very thankful for that.

As for the anxiety attacks, yours sound very similar to mine. The anxiety of having another attack is sometimes far worse than the attack itself. I often isolate for fear of having attacks in public. The isolation feeds the depression and you get caught in a spiral! I know its easier said than done but try to avoid the isolation trap if at all possible. I hope you find some solace in knowing you are not alone. I have come to realize that misery truly does love company.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Lifeless,

Terrific advice to Ob1one and right on target.

Do you notice a pattern when you start to suspect that you could slip into a depression? Is there a pattern that you have noticed or, perhaps, it would be worth it to give it some thought and see if there is? For example, is there some type of stress, event, worry or some such that "triggers" a depression" It does not have to be anything fancy: it could be watching the news on tv, or money issues, conflict at home or some issue at home or????????

Looking forward to your reply.

Allan

[Proverbs31:28]

Thanks, Allan.

I wasn't sure if you were directing your question to me, but I will answer from my experience.

The truth is that my "triggers" vary widely. Getting bad news where I was expecting good news has triggered the last couple of depressive episodes. Its like I just get deflated and I can feel the hope and future just flow right out of my body. There is an actual physical sensation of loss that I can't really describe.

Other triggers include seeing or reading stories of children who are intentionally injured or neglected, feelings of paranoia, feeling abandoned or ignored, seeing others accomplish or attain things I thought I would accomplish or attain, or being exposed to any one of my phobias. Of course, these same things can also trigger panic attacks. In fact, I had a panic attack about 10 days ago when, after standing in a room in an aquarium for 10-15 minutes, I realized there was a HUGE snake on display. I immediately felt like I would pass out, got light-headed, dizzy, nauseous, panicky, felt like I needed to escape but also felt trapped, then the headache and chest pains started. I moved to a quiet corner where I was frozen in place. My friend had already walked out of the room with her kids and mine before realizing I did not leave with her. I literally could not move because the way out was to go past the exhibit again. She took the stroller I was pushing and I escaped through another exit and took an escalator. But, now, we are supposed to be leaving for vacation this Monday and we are going to another rainforest exhibit. I have been having major anxiety about the possibility of this happening again. To the point that today, while thinking about it at dinner, I started getting light-headed, nauseous, dizzy, etc. This is why I say sometimes the fear of a panic attack is as bad as the attack itself! One thing I have to do is always have a "safe" person with me when I go public places. My BF and her family are going on vacation with us so she is going to talk to the staff at the exhibit and ask them to identify any displays which trigger my panic attacks and mark them on the map so I can avoid them.

As for depression, once I find myself unable to get out of bed in the morning, unable to sleep well, and unable to control my own thoughts, I KNOW I am slipping. Many times I try to pull myself out. I want to believe I still have control. Control is very important to me and losing it is unacceptable. Which makes it difficult for me to seek help when I need it. Unfortunately, by that point, I have usually already lost control and just don't see it. So, I slip farther and farther. Its a difficult thing to pull myself out of a spiral. Its very surreal- like I can "see" myself slipping yet not really believing that I am.

I don't know if I have made any sense at all. I "know" what I am trying to describe but just not sure if I am accomplishing that.