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stoopid bipolar is winning


cyblue
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i work full-time. i take 3 college courses. i have bp. something had to give at some point, i guess.

my brain went off on a trip all its own and has left me in the wake trying to pick up the pieces. At least they kinda understood at work that something was amiss and i wasn't acting bizarre on purpose...so i still have my job (for now). the three weeks of not being able to fully function has left my coursework in a shambles - looks as if i will have to drop one of my essential courses and go on financial aid probation for a while.

i have a therapist appt set for wednesday. a little late since it was last week that i was losing days and conversations and everyone just basically thought i was stoned. the meds went all WONKY on me.

so here i sit...exhausted from the ride and getting more tired from having to make things 'right' again.

it never ends.

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But hey, you did make it (close to) right again.

You have to look on the bright side; no one else will do it for you. :-)

I had something similar happen to me, almost two years ago; stormed out of the house partially clothed and spend more than a week in a hospital. Of course, I didn't have to tell work the details, but I did have to tell them something.

You're under a lot of pressure. I don't know whether it helped, when we suggested you stay busy, earlier. I do think you should spread the load out as much as you can. Talk to anyone who can carry a bit of it. We all need company on the voyage.

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it will be a long road before it is made right again. i know i get bored when there are no challenges before me but this last round has left me wiped out. there is so much work i have to do to get things straightened out now. the school is trying to figure out if i qualify for accommodations which means that my psychiatrist has to fill out some paperwork and we have to prove that this is a disabling condition. i was also asked if i had ever had any psychoeducational testing done. not since i was in sixth grade...i was always an a+ honor student through most of school. now i can barely study for a simple memorization test. Frustrating. UGH! the more i think about it the more i'm convinced that we aren't going to be able to prove the severity of bipolar and bipolar medications...and i want to just give up now.

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went to see therapist today. she saw what i was talking about. she called in the psychiatrist to do something with my meds...he upped the lexapro from 10mg to 20mg. something's gotta work.

therapist wants me to take time off work til we get this fixed - no work = nopay; so that is out of the question.

psychiatrist wondered whether he should send me to hospital what with all the suicidal ideation going on. he obviously didn't send me in...which, when i think about it would probably be the safest place for me right now as stressed out as i'm feeling.

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Thanks for asking. i'm feeling pretty good today. i know the meds won't kick in that quickly but maybe just the hope that something is going to change is helping. i have to call the psychiatrist next week to let him know how its going. Could be a long week. At work they are just glad that i am smiling (that's difficult most of the time). Could be that i'm just relieved that i didn't get sent to hospital. ;)

Thanks for the good vibes!

cy

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