Please take the time to read - contemplating meds. Oh, and ranting.

[I_Am_Me]

Hey

So - I'm back. Been gone a while. I've had the worse depressive episode I think I have ever had, but thank God I think I am over the worst of it. Didn't lift a finger for weeks on end, would think of replying to things and never bothered, picked on my hubby until he was close to tears... pretty bad.

Paranoia is MUCH worse. Bloody awful if I do say so myself. Constantly on facebook or online, texting, any written communications. I know this is partly down to my CNPD but it's annoying. Absolutely exhausted right about now, but I have pushed through and got all the housework done, so at least the flat looks okay (the living room looks the best lol!) which always gives me a better head.

Since we have gotten back, the family have found out the extent of what's been going on. Being in Germany meant that we were so removed, nobody really saw or understood it. I've had some awful, goading messages from my husbands sister. We had a massive fallout, I stopped my hubby from buying her car, because she was trying to rip him off. I got a dog, because having one gives me an excuse to get up in the morning, and hubby loves them. My dog is a labrador cross, 7 months old, called Honey. Anyway, as I rescued a dog, (£40) and stopped hubby from buying his sisters ripoff car (£200) and paying for it's repairs (over £2000!!) I was a selfish bitch. She then went on, to make awful comments about my bipolar, along the lines of 'Neither me nor Paul*(her boyfriend and father to her 4 kids) can believe how selfish you are, and quite frankly if your seeing demons crawling up the walls you need serious psychological help, if it's even true'. AH. People just don't understand that sometimes hallucinations can be NORMAL for people with bipolar!! :mad:

Anyways, since finding out my mum's stepped in, and been okay for support.

Got an appointment here in UK, on the 27th, with my community mental health team, to be assessed. I can't wait, but also a little frightened. This brings me onto my next question;

MEDS

*****

To take, or not to take? There are meant to be other routes you can go down, more holistic, that are meant to help alot with bipolar. I tried one, switching from caffeine tea to redbush. It's helped a little, but I am still getting daily panic attacks. That's only one small thing though, there are

hundreds. I am so scared as well of the side affects. They really are frightening me. Also, DH and I would really, really like to have children in the next few years, and my doc explained that once your on the meds, you can't stop taking them. And the meds can have bad effects on a pregnancy.

What do I do? Take meds and risk a childs wellbeing, and possibly prevent myself from ever having kids, or not, and risk my own wellbeing? Thoughts?

[Luna-]

Hi I_Am_Me

I don't think it's true that once you're on meds, you can't stop if you want to become pregnant. You have options; it's not as simplistic as 'meds = no baby'.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi I understand what you are going through. I too am bipolar and I guess treatment/med resistant. So the decision is basically already made for me. I have been the same on meds as I have been off meds but I didn't have side effects when I was off meds. And my anxity /panic that is realativley new is there on and off meds.

So I guess it depends on your system.

I do understand the thought behind once your on meds and then coming off for pregnancy. Once your body has responded to meds and if they are working then yes it would be very difficult for you to come off because first they work great and then it takes the body a very long time to get the meds out of your system which might throw it into a whole new nasty world of frequent cycling and worse depression/mania...

Hope this helps....

[musemuse]

Hi I_Am_Me,

I read the post about getting off meds, and Luna and Linda are right, YOU can get off of them. However, if they are helping you now, I would stay on them and talk with your Pdoc about your concerns. I'm sure she/he will design a progress plan of getting off, and tell you the period of time to wait until your system is relatively free of medication.

I have been off my meds for a good while now, and I still have the same problems that I did, while on. Meds did not work that well for me. We are all different people with different systems. I use different strategies of action to stay as well as I do now. You can certainly talk with your therapist and others to learn some for yourself. As you know, it is certainly difficult. But God is good to me.

take care of yourself