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self hatred towards self


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I've been struggling with depression for about two years give or take, I'm on an off my meds. I see a therapist, but honestly none of it is helping. I don't know what to do I want to quit my job and check myself into a hospital to get the help I need but I can't do that because I take care of myself amd I'll have no one to fall back on. This has been the most fucked up years of my life I cannot believe this shit is happening to me. The hate I have for myself overwhelms me I cut myself last night. I'm alone right now which is not a good thing but no one wants to sit with me they just want to run away home so I suffer by myself. My bf keeps telling me meet new ppl why do you always drop classes why can't you stay at work why do you keep calling off? That shit pisses me off he doesn't understand how it is for me to just get up wash up and leave my house no idea that shit is hard for me to do. I don't want to do it anymore I'm fuckin tired no one understands and I'm just getting worse I have no hope and I trust no one at all I'm pissed off at everything and everyone. Why the fuck do I have to suffer?

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Hi Andrea,

I have heard a lot about depression . ANd have suffered it major depression myself . Been through the self harming part of it and stuggle with it still too.

IT is anger turned inwards. And when reading your post, I see a lot of anger in what you have written. Anther thing that I noticed is that the on again off again of meds is not as healthy as having a stable control over the medication and and combonation of really good therapy . Perhaps even Dbt would be good for you as well as therapy .

Relationship , problems , the cutting, I am not a professional , however , this seems a lot like borderline symtoms to me?? Anyone ever mention this to you before? Lot of anger , and stuff? I don't know ? just wondering?

Anyway , guess it takes one to know one. :eek: I hope you can start to feel better, I really do.


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