i cant accomplish anything

[solustein]

I'm 17 i don't have a job so i work occasionally for my brothers friend who does tile work, and that is a pretty painful job after 7-9hrs of work you don't feel you're knees, anyways but i collected like $350 after a very hard week of work out of town i got myself a laptop and it ends up having some screen problems, it had drivers problems it had Operation system problems, i fixed all of it i spent 3 days making sure it was good, its been working fine for the past week and today the screen brakes one of the hinges so i kinda semi fix it a temporary fix basically, so yeah wasted money now i think. my gf cheated on me...and then asked me to be ok with her dating me and the other guy at the same time i thought that was abusing my love for her so i left her even thoe i loved her extremely im a big family type person if i was older i would of married her but yeah, and i loved her its stupid i know but that's the way it is. i try to do something in my school yet i think I'm dyslexic or w.e its called i cant seem to concentrate at all. i just totally zoom out and get confused later on my parents usually fight daily for the past 7 years, they both lost there jobs so its gotten a little worse and some of that is coming down on me. i pathetic i got fuking tears in my eyes that's not good...it shouldn't be like this, why can someone please tell me why am i like this. please someone i work hard yet i cant succeed I'm good with computers i admit that's my only good thing im a fast typer and reader that's it i don't have any skills it seems like i cant keep a gf apparently. everything in my room i somehow got i don't even know myself i just worked like crazy anywhere i can. sometimes i wish i can go into a self-induced coma for a few months or more...or just lose my memory all together maybe it will help me somehow, can someone tell me please why this is so hard and painful...i feel really retarded writing this out i have pride but wow i never thought id complain on a forum like this to this extent.

[Cloud9]

I always have tons of ideas, don't feel like they have to be the answers for you. Just consider each as you read them and let me know if one works for you.

Here's what I got from your post: Besides feeling bad about your own situation, I sense that you taking in a lot of your parents' stress as well. When a whole household is under some kind of stress, it seems like there's no more sun in that home.

You didn't say so, but I gather that that you are in school. If so, you should talk to your school counselor about your concentration problems in school. Then let he/she know that your family is going through a hard time and you need someone to talk to. I promise you that he or she will help you get the help you need.

If you are not in school, please check these resources and find a therapist:

http://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/

You can get a good grip on your emotions by having someone to talk to. Even if you don't want to tell them any details. A counsellor or therapist is an excellent source for learning how to deal with the negative things in your life.

Regarding jobs, I will offer you some thoughts. Until you resolve your concentration in school problem you may want to get out in the world and work before trying college. Most unions have apprenticeships. If fact, for each apprentice they take on, they qualify for government funds. Plumbers, Electricians, Carpenters, etc. Start there, these are paid training opportunities.

Take a lowly job with a strong company. I was a cashier at Walt Diney World before I became a Disney musician and eventually, with money assistance from the company, became a Disney nurse. Trust me, it's disheartening to start work at minimum wage but once you've worked hard, someone WILL take notice.

Some other fields that promote from within: Kmart, Hospitals, Colleges, most grocery stores and gas stations. Check your city, county and state job postings. You'll have opportunity to advance through to retirement in government jobs if that's what you want.

With serious ADD, anxiety, depression and crazy memories of a horrendous childhood, by doing the best I can do, I've advanced 3 times in our hospital. And trust me, I'm not perfect in any way. The way I succeed is by seeking help and advise when I can't solve my problem (and of course, letting my boss know I have a problem).

Best regards. I hope something springs a sliver of motivation for you.

Pam

[Cloud9]

Weird double post...

Edited October 29, 2009 by Cloud9
posted twice

[solustein]

thanks that did help in a way, i am home schooled and have been for the past 3years il be finishing it sometime this month or so hopefully i really hate the way sometimes i would notice something or see something and lose my train of thought and just its really frustrating. i don't know i really don't wanna complain i am not that type of person i don't wanna cry and keep saying why me i just want to make things work for me in life.

[JulianP]

deleted.....

Edited February 7, 2010 by JulianP

[solustein]

no real reason i suppose for me being home schooled, my family like this school because it is quick to finish, but for me im almost done with it and i dont remember how to do anything higher then division so im not all that happy with my schooling i must say so im kinda heavily relying on college to refresh my memory or just reteach me. The way my life was going before home school was fine, its just my parents found me a job so they thought i could go to school and work at the same time. what teen wouldn't want some spare money? so i agreed and etc i worked there for about a year and a half then the guy didn't need me anymore so i just said w.e and started getting my school finished i didn't really have any issues at school. and regarding any other details in my life well...my parents fight a lot and not just words my dad has thrown or hit my mother i was even thrown across the room a few years ago but if im not around something will happen to those 2 my brother and sisters are all married and have there own family's they try to help but....im mostly on my own unless i call my sister but by the time she gets here it is mostly calmed down...overall im pretty confident about my looks and personality but not so much over my academic part. im sure im not the only kid to have to deal with this kind of stuff but after several years it kinda gets old i mean things have quieted down the past few months but things are getting harder for my parents because my father lost his job and my mom works almost 24/7 she sleeps maybe 3 to 4 hrs a day before she must go work somewhere. and im trying to find a job but no luck so far so yeah..i don't know for some reason i cant stand to be in the same room as my father for long periods of time it just drives me insane.

[JulianP]

deleted.....

Edited February 7, 2010 by JulianP

[solustein]

thats kinda simple i suppose, hopefully il be done with school sometime this November if everything goes well. Otherwise i want to either get accepted to a college where i live which is 100% guaranty or a college in Tennessee which ever works but family wise i just want a girl who will always love me and always be happy to see me, i want a family of maybe 2-4 kids i know but i want a nice family decent size and just very close, because of my home me and my siblings are rather close are parents usually have not been around because they dont know much English and in turn have bad jobs that have long hours and not so great pay but they work hard regardless, i think that once i get into college things might get better but im not really worried about the future its the current problem that is painful its often i see flash backs of my past with my X and sometimes its very ...whats the word? well it feels like someone its shoving something extremely sharp with teeth into my chest. i know its probably a first love type thing i just want to get over and like i dont know....i wanna have a better life then what i was offered as a child basically, but with my problems like not being able to concentrate or having these constant issues with my parents is a bit strainful on myself and im afraid that if i leave Washington something will happen between my parents that i will not be able to stop. it wasn't uncommon for my father to grab my mothers head and hit it against a near by wall we have several holes in the wall from his fists which i fixed, and recently because my mother works almost always ive been cooking and keep everything clean...i dont know really i dont mean to complain but its a bit difficult to keep doing this for so long...my siblings are able to help me at times so im mostly alone to deal with this.my only real escape for the short periods of time that i have is either reading or playing some game online otherwise school. im rambling now forgive me. Occasionaly i need to do application for my parents and when something goes wrong or they dont get the job they blame me or just storm out of my room saying something i dont even hear because they are so upset, i do my part its...i sometimes just dont know what to do anymore my future seems planned but i dont know to get to that point will be extremely painful long and just plain difficult road.

Edited November 2, 2009 by solustein
i made a slight mistake on spelling which made a sentance flawed