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reasons for being such a late bloomer?


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I am a 48 year hetrosexual male, married for 7 years with two kids. I never had a girlfriend in high school. Never had ANY kind of sexual interaction with a girl during that time (even innocent kissing). The first tome I necked with a girl was my first year of university when I was 20 years old. After that I had a few girlfriends. Not sure of where I stand sexually. I am attracted to women. One reason I have thought why I never had a high school girlgriend was because I was embarrassed/ashamed to bring anyone home since my parents were both alcoholics and the place was a mess.

I guess friends wondered about me during those five years of high school. "is so and so gay?" they must of asked themselves since I never had a girlfriend like all the other guys had. I did like one girl, but was so chicken or lacked the courage to ask her out, she got tired of waiting for a year and began to date someone else.

I am now not sure of my sexual orientation. I seem to always look at the back side of me. I do seem to appreciate a man who is well built, or perhaps i am sizing him up against me to see who has the better body. One reason for the lack of libido I have experienced the past 10 years is the anti-depressant meds I am taking.

I am not sure if I am gay. I have never tried to explore this question. There have been several times in my life when both men and women said that when they first met me they thought I was gay..


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Guest ASchwartz

Hi PP,

Not having a girl friend in High School is not the issue for you, in my opinion. Also, looking at other guys is also not unusual in our appearance obsessed society.

More important, what is happening in your marriage? Is there something going on or not going on or not going well that is causing you to question your sexual orientation???


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Well, first, late blooming and homosexuality are two unrelated things.

I enjoy (?) being able to top most stories of late blooming. My first date was at 21, and I was a virgin when I met my future wife at age 40. Thing is, these are all just numbers. Sure, I was avoiding intimacy and so on, but for me, there was never any question about being attracted to men. The two are entirely separate (and as long as you're happy, I don't see a problem with either being a late bloomer or gay.)

The other thing I'd like to say is that "gaydar" doesn't exist. Even more important, I wouldn't let other people's guesses about you influence your thoughts even briefly. I know you're feeling uncertain right now, and that's worth exploring wherever it takes you. But no one else will ever be able to tell you your preference; that's not how it works.

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Yes, I had crushes on girls in elementary and high school. My dreams (sexual) always involve women. My marriage is going Ok. Biggest problem is communication (my wife is a non-native speaker of English). We did have a few rough years with lack of sexual intimacy since the anti-depressants I took (Paxil) affected my libido. My doctor prescrived some other medication which had less sexual dysfunction side-effects. We were able to conceive two healthy kids which is wonderful. I resumed taking Paxil after our 2nd child was born since where I live there are not many other anti-depressants meds availalble other than Paxil

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