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didn't go w/EMDR


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Hi - this is kinda long, sorry.

After much thought and reading on the subject, i decided against letting my therapist use EMDR with me. it seems to help more with anxiety issues, which are not my major problem. She was okay with the decision.

Then i handed her a piece of paper on which i had been writing down some stuff that had been bugging me since i was younger and stuff that i've been thinking recently. she was a bit, um, bothered...no, maybe disturbed...no, i think concerned would be the best term to use here. i figured that it was time to lay it all on the line with her and let her know how i've really been feeling about life. going through the motions, not getting any enjoyment out of anything, feeling like i'm just done with being here, and not really seeing the point of my being here. She was kinda funny when she said something about 'that's suicidal thinking right there'...well duh...and 'when did you write this?' she asked. it wasn't a matter of when it was written...its the fact that i've felt this way for so very long that i have become accustomed to it.

i am having a difficult time redirecting my thoughts. i use distraction to its fullest extent - even the therapist made note of that. She told me to make a list of pros and cons for having suicide as an option and then pros and cons for NOT having it as an option. Sad to say, i can't come up with many pros why Not to have it as an option. Both leave me in control of my destiny - that's a Pro. but beyond that, i can't think of any more pros for the Not an Option section.

Anyone have any suggestions?


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Hi Cyblue,

I cant tell you the answers you are looking for, they have to come from inside you. However I can say that the list is a good way of working out how you truely feel. The pro's and cons of suicide, well to me my list is fairly short, on one side of the list, just as is yours. But in my oppinion all the time you have at least one thing on the list as to why you should stay alive, well you kinda have a reason to keep fighting, and all the time you are fighting you increase your chance of improoving your list, and therefore increasing your choice of wanting to stay alive. Eventually you may not need the list. And move forward without giving it a second thought.

So yea, cant really suggest what you can put on your list, just hang in there and I hope things become a lot easier for you soon. sorry Im not any help, just kinda wanted to say that we are here, and that we do care.

take care


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Sorry for the delayed response. the flu knocked me out of commission for a couple of days.

Thank you for the replies. You are right, i have to come up with my own answers...it is just very difficult when you live alone and aren't responsible for anyone but y'self. My sibs have kids to motivate them - yeah, my whole fam is messed up - but i don't even want kids. i guess it is difficult to find my motivation.

The dream thing does give me something to think about. We really don't know what's on the 'other side', do we.

Anyhow, thanks for the replies.


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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest ASchwartz

Hi JP and Cy,

Sorry I am late to this forum.

Cy, I hope you are feeling much better by now. The flu is awful, awful.

JP: Wow, what a powerful dream and thank you for sharing it with us. It is wonderful that you can make use of it to get you out of and away from any thoughts about not wanting to live. That is what I find awful about the thought of death: to be out of touch with everyone. Again, thanks: A powerful dream that we can all learn from.


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thanks – i got over the flu pretty quickly since i’d had the shot.

the dream was a powerful one. it made me think about things for a little bit…unfortunately, i found i made my peace with not knowing what’s on the ‘other side’ quite a while ago – not fearing it either. the therapist is seeing me each week now and we are working on DBT skills…apparently the goal is to help me find a life worth living. it is very hard for me – it would seem that having given up has stuck with me…if that makes any sense. but i am still here for the moment…just hanging out and being bored with life.

gads…that was a bit of a depressing post wasn’t it…sorry.

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