Paranoia? Fear of rejection? Or just, nuts?

[Jetliner]

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Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner
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[IrmaJean]

You're not alone with this, Jetliner. I am also doubtful at times and worried about saying the wrong things. Usually, with me, I get excited about psychology and want to share all of my insights and so go off on a tangent and then feel embarrassed about it later. I also worry a lot about potentially hurting others. Some of the very stuff I dealt with during my therapy. I'm even doing it here, lol.

From what you're saying, it sounds as if you care a great deal about others' opinions of you. (Welcome to the club! ) Writing on the internet does feel a bit more risky, though, because misunderstandings can be very easy when someone is not right in front of you. You can't evaluate their response right in the moment so it's different then in-person interactions. Also, you're trying to be helpful and when you feel you haven't been, the purpose feels lost. I'm not sure any of this is very helpful to you, but I can certainly relate.

All of us have our self-doubts at times. I think you're a huge asset to the board. You seem like a very upbeat person who has a lot of insight.

[Donna]

Hi John,

Im sorry you're feeling that way, i have the same problem. In fact right now as im replying to you im thinking i hope im not saying the wrong thing and that when you read this you'll be sat there thinking no she doesnt, wtf's she talking about the stupid b**ch! she hasnt a clue,talking s**t (which i probably am ) etc etc.

I tend to have a need to over explain things too - to 'cover' every eventuality! And i dont know if you've notice but practically all of my posts are edited because im forever deleting or re-wording things lol

What i try to do is tell myself that hopefully people will see that im not trying to say anything wrong,that even if i do come across weird,offensive,tactless stilted,reserved or dumb that im doing it with good intentions and am not trying to hurt or offend anyone at all and that if people feel that i might be or are not sure that they will ask me rather than just assume and jump in to criticise first.

im not saying it always works but i remind myself that people here are sensitive and inelligent enough to understand that, and many others just might have the same problem..from what you've said you obviously do!

I do still find it difficult to post here but am starting to more and more, so it must be working a little bit

In regards to the other things you mentioned i tend to avoid people, then i worry that im being ignorant rather than saying the wrong thing yep it s paralyzing in many ways!

I know you said positive reassurance doesnt help and again i have the same feelings on that too, but i have read your replies and have always found them helpful, well expressed and very sensitive.

The same goes for you as well Irmajean, But i know me saying that wont make a blind bit of difference..perhaps i shouldnt but ahh what the hell, i'll risk being rejected or misunderstood!

Even though this wont have helped at all i hope you will understand you are not the only one who has that fear and are not alone.

Best wishes, Donna

ps, i hope i havnt said the wrong thing

Edited November 17, 2009 by Donna

[Jetliner]

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Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner
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[Jetliner]

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Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner
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[JulianP]

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Edited February 9, 2010 by JulianP

[Jetliner]

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Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner
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[IrmaJean]

So check things out with people. Sometimes even checking things out with others who are present yet not the recipeint of your message, about how you came across is also good. For example, I have done that here - I have invited feedback from someone other than the person I am responding to as a means to check myself out. You can certainly "use me" if you are inclined. If you have doubts or conflicts with something you post, pm others for feedback. That might very well be powerful for you.

Yes, I have done this on more than one occasion when the gravity of the situation seems to merit my doing so. There is some fear on my part of worsening the situation for the person involved by my lack of expertise. Some of this may stem from my still struggling with self-confidence, but undoubtedly it's warranted at times. I want what is best for the person in pain. The more minds involved, the better.

you almost can't help but convey what is in your heart. Sometimes that ability is being extended to people who that doesn't come quite as naturally to - so you have to include sensitivities that consider that fact. It is not always so easy, but with experience is very powerful.

Yes, that's exactly what happens to me. Stuff just pours out of my heart. It feels embarrassing afterward when I've gushed like that. I wonder exactly how do you manage to turn your own volume down while still making your point and respecting the other person at the same time? This is so very difficult! It must take a great deal of awareness and practice.

While there are certain universal truths or life principals that we all have a connection to, or have access to, there are as many paths/interpretations of those "truths' as there are people on this planet. So of course, an accurate explanation will be different depending on to who you are reflecting those truths.

This is part of what I love to sit back and observe on these boards sometimes. Because each and every one of the experts on here stays within themselves and yet somehow manages to be sensitive to the person they're responding to as well. And this way there are also many different insights and points of view from the same situation as presented. It's really pretty fascinating.

See, at the end there I started to get all "heady" and intellectual, and may have strayed a bit.

Straying isn't all bad all the time, though, is it? It may still provide new insights and different lessons which can be utilized in a positive manner. I don't mind it anyhow. Your thoughts are always appreciated.