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lack of social skills, lack of self direction


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What building processes can I try to strengthen my personality?

I'm a very introverted person, when stressed panic and shield myself with extrovert behaviour for the bystander thinks I'm confident and powerful.

I have been taking confidence building, social and assertiveness course trying to build my ability to talk to people.

and attempt to try and improve my self confidence that people in my life have stripped from me.

Self Traits I am a very pleased about is I'm a likeable person, people respect and enjoy my company, polite caring and humorous.

however I am incapable of forming new real friendships, I'm terrified and completely shutdown in front of people that know me.

(for example I no trouble public speaking to dozen strangers,

but an environment with more than 1:1 communication with people that are familiar with me I will shutout if put on the spot will twitch, shake nervously once I even fainted.)

I have no trouble introducing myself and talking to a stranger, however I find it completely beyond my ability to meet them a second time.

I give great first impressions to those that meet me.

If I meet a new person, join a community activity, sporting club I will break down and avoid going once I start to know people I fear they will change their opinion of me and reject me, they will use me, they will abuse me or unravel my private secrets and humiliate me.

Without fail within 2nd - 3rd meeting with someone I can not live up to the first impression that people get from me. or I fear I will make a mistake and embarrass myself.

As a result most of my past relationships have been women that ask me out and obviously this is the worst kind they treat you poorly

(because your such a good person, a couple made up BS stories, painting me as evil to make them look less of a witch to others for dumping me -shifting blame to me-),

further contribute to my trust issues.

I don't really know what to do anymore, I no longer go to school, college or work in a mixed environment so have even more trouble interacting with new people strangers to keep me positive.

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Hi Tock is clicking.

Well continue with your confidence building and social assertiveness course. it takes time for what you learn in these classes, to be able to put into action yourself.

Hopefully as your confidence grows, you will feel more comfortable with yourself and inturn will feel at ease when you meet somebody for the 2nd or 3rd time.

Not everybody judges someone the first time they meet a new person, and hopefully one day you may realise that the only person that is really judging you is you. Maybe you have set your expectations of yourself too high, which makes you feel so overwhelmed, when you see someone again. Could it be that you are allowing your own fears of how you see yourself, over ride, and just expecting others to feel the same way about you as you do.

Just a thought, why do you feel that women who ask you out are the worst kind ?

Thats a bit like me saying men that have asked me out over the years are the worst kind. In truth, it dosnt actually matter who asks who out, its down to the individuals concerned to make a relationship work or walk away. thats just IMO, but I guess I could be wrong.

Hang in there and keep working at your classes and hopefully with hard work and determination, you will ba able to overcome your fears.

take care


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