missing ex-boyfriend's kids...

[dazed&confuzed]

So I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year a few days ago...he is a great person, but we just had some general personality differences, and once I was finally honest with myself, I just wasn't in love with him...we were missing the connection I need to be in love with someone. We had it once, but that was a long time ago, and I couldn't get it back. Anyway, he has two kids that are in elementary school, a boy and a girl. I bonded pretty deeply with the girl...she is part of the reason (ok, ALOT of the reason) that I held on to the relationship with my ex as along as I did. She is the best kid I have ever met...super smart and funny, and much too cute for her own good. I just don't know how to deal with not being able to see her again...actually, it will be REALLY hard not being able to see either of the kids again, but esp. her. I also feel like I let her down, because I know she loved me, too. My ex told me so on many occasions. She also told me that me and her dad should get married one day when it was just us hanging out, too. So I want to email her, as I know her father will tell her about us breaking up this weekend, but I am not even sure I should... I am big on closure, but I don't want to upset her. I know she is going to be upset already as it is. I just want to tell her that I love her and that I will miss her and to take care of herself and that she is going to do great, amazing things with her life. I just hate thinking about this, because I can't stop crying.... Any thoughts on how to deal with this are appreciated.

[JulianP]

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Edited February 6, 2010 by JulianP

[SweetSue]

Hi dazed & confused

Its always difficult getting over a past relationship, especialy when kiddies are involved my heart goes out to you.

I dont know if you and your ex are still on speaking terms, but if you are, do you think it might be a good idea to tell the children together ? That way you can both re assure the children that they are still loved just as much, and that you both care for them dearly.

Just a thought, Im sorry for the pain that you feel and hope it eases.

take care

Jj

[dazed&confuzed]

Hi JP and Jj,

Thanks so much for your replies...sorry it has taken me so long to address them. I have been trying to distract myself and not think about anything for too long.

Julian, yes, you are right...I definitely wouldn't want to say anything but positive things to the girl (and I wouldn't). I wouldn't say anything about my ex at all, either. She loves her dad very much and seeing as he is not someone to hide his emotions, I know she knows he is hurting. He and I are definitely done though, for sure. It would be hard to talk to him right now about anything, as he is not really speaking to me, because his feelings are hurt. Just one of those cases where I know I handled it as best as I could (well, my therapist said what I said to him was very well put and explained), and I know I was as sensitive as I could be to him, because I really do care about him alot. (Yeah, I have some guilt regardless.) So anyway, I guess that prolly answers your question, too, JJ! He would have had to have told them last night, which has been really upsetting me to think about.

And as far as the boy...when I wrote the original post, I thought I didn't have his email address, but I do as it was on one of the girl's emails from something she forwarded me. So yes, if I decide to email her, I will definitely email him, too.

Anyway, still not sure exactly what I want to do. Even though I have talked about the breakup in therapy, I haven't talked about this issue, so I will do so on Monday.

Speaking of therapy, Julian, I am going to go back and respond to my original post re: my therapist right now, thanks for asking!

D&C