Feeling hopeless

[lostinoc]

I had it all- the "perfect" relationship, the "perfect" job and the "perfect" home... and then he saw me depressed and ran away. My whole life came crumbiling down and now I am left alone wondering if I will ever feel happy again. I cry myself to sleep most nights, and the others I am so drugged up to numb myself that I can't feel anything... I just want to feel normal and be normal and feel happy again. Will that ever happen?

LostinOC

[David O]

Good morning Lost,

I'm so very sorry for your loss and pain. 11-12 years ago my wife of 18 years had an 18 month affair which destroyed me-- I had never felt so much pain. The pain was so great that I could feel my heart tearing, a physical sensation I had never had. I cried myself to sleep for months and generally felt as if life was ending. The pain led to my becoming dysfunctional as a CEO and my private practice also suffered, which led to my eventually being fired by the Board b/c I could no longer function as a leader. The affair, the divorce and being fired led to my becoming severely anxious and depressed. I soon moved out and moved to a large city 3 hours away from my 2 children (who were very close to me) and lived in a stranger's damp and dirty basement, essentially homeless (my second time around, my first was at age 14) and directionless. I sat in my lonely basement for approx. 2 months, ruminating and becoming more and more depressed and anxious. I stopped sleeping and would pace all night, my mind racing with panic after panic attack. Soon I stopped bathing as often and became unkempt and more dysfunctional.... I realized at some point that despite my condition, my children needed me still and someone had to make house payments, otherwise they too would be homeless.

I say all of this only to recite an ancient Hebrew saying used by King Solomon: This to shall pass! (גם זה יעבור‎, gam zeh yaavor). It does get better Lost, but it only gets better when we take action. Struggling as you are and feeling lost and rutterless is normal and the stuff of life-- but it is only one aspect of it. The other side of the coin is that the only way out, and you may not be ready to hear this, is to take an active role in your own healing.

At this point, or very soon, you'll need an action plan for moving ahead, when you're ready to look into this, write back in and tell us so, then we can assist you to develop concrete life strategies for stepping forward and away from these feelings of loneliness, hopelessness and disappointment. For right now, it may be important that you process some of your pain and that you explore it.

By the way, I felt as you do at that time, and I wondered if I would ever find love or be happy again. I spiraled downward, believing that I could never have it so good again--- BUT, I was wrong. Several years later I was remarried, I inherited 2 fantastic step-children (and still loved and had my own children) and re-established my practice-- this has been the absolute happiest and most fulfilling time in my life, and I never dreamed it could happen.

Good luck and i hope this helps,

David

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Lostinoc,

Welcome to our community.

Please try to resist the labels that us mental health professionals use. Things like "Borderline" should not be used. Its just not helpful because you are a person, a unique and special human being and that is all that should matter.

The end of a relationship is always very painful and I am sorry this happened. I agree with David O that "this too shall pass." As Jerry Lewis used to say when doing his comedy routines, "Time wounds all heals.....OOOOps, I mean time heals all wounds."

Is the medication helping you? Can you tell us what you are taking and can you tell us a little more about yourself?

Allan

[faith2010]

Hi Lostinoc,

I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through. Not sure why for some of us it's so hard to get going with our lives and easier for others. I"m also going through very difficut times, I posted my first thread on the new readers forum titled: Grief. Is my husband and marriage worth fighting to recover? Hang in there lost, that is all what we can do. Pray and be proactive about helping ourselves no matter how hard it is. Easier said than done right? I think it's a process, some of us morn for longer period of times than others? Or are we just insane? I admire the story of Mr. Or. I hope something fantastic like that happens to me.

Keep on praying, having faith, and BELIEVE things will get better. Like my aunt said to me the other day. Can't ask GOD to show you the path, when you don't even give the first step. Depression makes you stagnant and hopeless. It’s given me social phobia and fear of dealing with the world. It’s the big punch our self esteem has taken… just remember that no one better than you, to help yourself.

[Endlessnight]

I am so happy to hear about how you changed your life around. Sharing your experiences, and writing what you did gives hope to all of us that are depressed. And what you said about it only getting better when we take action is so true. I feel so directionless. I have no idea what action I should take or how. I wish I could be as strong as you were. Best wishes to you.

[musemuse]

Hi Lost in OC

I'm new here, but just sharing that it is really possible to loose all, and regrain all a new. The shock of loss is great, even unimaginable. But there are brighter days ahead. Look around, others have lost too. Me too. But you will still stand and do fine. It takes a little time to sort things out. But you will have 'your perfect' again. However, perfect is not always perfect, just letting you know. Things will be better, I have found.

It is a too long story, but stand and do it again, and your good times will come back, better. A different way of looking at things.

We change all the time, and you just had a change. Look at it as change and you will go on. Bless you,