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I knew this would happen...


amberlyn
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I don't really know where to post this, so I'm going to put it under General. (Can I move it if it doesn't belong here?)

So things were going awesome. Yeah, I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and a bit of depression, but ultimately life was good. I'm with a great guy, soon to be owning our own home, have a beautiful 'daughter' (my sister that I raised), amazing friends, et cetera. I was making goals & plans ... I was getting back on my meds, I wanted to see a psych whenever we moved, I wanted to go back to school, work in the ISD of our new town... I had dreams.

And then all of that crashed. I realized that I don't have the money to refill my medicine. I don't have the money to get in to see a psych when we move. I'm four weeks post-back surgery and I had to cancel my physical therapy! I'm supposed to do PT for two more weeks, but because of the first of the year, my insurance starts the deductible over and so I'm going to have to start paying. I don't have the money. So I'm screwed. I feel sooooo overwhelmed and scared. I need to do my physical therapy. I can mess up my back if I don't (although I will be continuing it at home). I really want to keep up with my Bipolar meds. And I honestly need to start seeing a psych again. I dissociated while driving the other day ... I left my apartment, and then I was back. I apparently drove all the way to the store, picked up my pain meds, and drove back home. I don't remember it. This dissociation thing is starting to get worse, and it's scaring me ... but there's nothing I can do about it.

I guess I'm just gonna have to work my butt off before we move, then get a job ASAP when we move and SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. That's the only way I'm going to have the money to take care of myself, although I'm scared that even that won't be enough. I never really have a lot of money ... I'm always playing catch up. [sigh] I knew that this would happen. I knew that things were going so well, that everything would crash. It happens every time ... that's why I don't trust good things. Ugh.

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Sounds like you have a lot going on.... As I was reading your post, I was thinking that it's not all or nothing. You are experiencing some challenges that you had not anticipated, but everything that was good is still there as far as I can see. Periods of intense change are always challenging, and they are of course even more intense for us. I'm certain everyone of those things is going to work out, one thing at a time. Always does, one way or the other, and stessing about just adds to the difficulty.

I know, easier said than done.... Perhaps you could ask your spouse to sit with you to help you make a list of what you need to do and who is going to do what. Doing the physio at home takes motivation but you can do it. Would you be able to go once a week perhaps, just so the physiotherapist can monitor you and give you directions. If you keep up with the medication does it usually take care of the dissociation?

You are not alone, lean on the people around you, including your 'daughter', and we are there to keep you grounded while you get things sorted out. This is still all good, you will handle this...:)

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