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Ultra Ultra Rapid Cycling & Mixed


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I am soo happy to see your post.

I have the same issue, not usually daily but certainly I cycle about 40 times a year.

Did not think I could find anyone with the same issues.

I am currently on Divalproex and waiting for some results.....takes time I guess.

early last week was great, super high, almost unstappoable. On Saturday the drop began and now I am crap, complete crap.

What meds are you taking and how long have you been cycling like this for?

Hope to hear back


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I understand your predicament.

I would suggest that your Pdoc is correct but how does it make sense not be on meds? I was treated for about 3 years with Cipralex for depression, work Ok I guess but was no help for the highs.

I am now on Divalproex, 1500mg/day but it takes time for this to take effect. As a result, last week I was bullet proof and this week I am a piece of crap.

The yo-yo thing is tough to balance, not just me but really hard on family and friends too. I try and stay afloat and am hoping for some good results from the meds.

Ironically, we are the same age. My cycling, I believe has been with me my whole like, as long as I can remember but over the last few years I simply cant manage it the way I did before, maybe age, maybe stress.....not sure.

It seems you have been cycling for a much shorter time. How did it begin? how did you know it was a problem?

For me things just seem to escalate and I was losing a battle in my mind.


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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Linda,

It's me again.:( I used to rapid cycle, more than I do now, although I can't explain why. I just look for peace, constantly, now. It doesn't take a whole lot to trigger me, so I try to stay out of those situations.

You mentioned not driving now...... How did cycling effect you, while driving? I don't quite understand. Although, driving for me is not soothing, if I was crying before getting into the car, I had to stop while trying in order to pay attention.

More so than while I was younger, lately I have figured out ways of changing my view on things. Changing me mind, in a way. And I know that has helped me at lot.

I do hope you will be able to stop cycling so that you will be able to do things that are enjoyable to you.

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I'm caring for you right now. When I read what you said, an ole song came to me:

Light a ship that is tossed and driven,

Battered by the angry sea....

it goes on, but I don't know the whole song, but the tune is in my mind, and knowing that those times in our life is when I want the Lord to remember us, and do something about it.

For me, all kinds of thoughts would and do rush through my mind. Not good thoughts. They rush like a hurd of horses running and splashing in the waters of a coast line, splashing everywhere.

I have learned to start praying at those moments. Because I shaking from all those thoughts. I also have found incidents in the bible that sort of relate to what is happening now, with me. The same feelings and emotions. I want relief. I don't cut because I can't stand pain, and I know that there is no relief in that. I know I don't have patiences for anything too much, but I am learning to wait. During all of this there is a calmness that comes over me.

Somehow, I'm praying for your to find your peace. Living here on this earth is not a good thing to me. But, I've taken the attitude as Job in the Bible, who said, All of my appointed time, I'm going to wait until my change comes.

The ole songs come from when I was brought up in church. Of course I left during my years, but came back to the teachings -- reading the Bible and the songs, which seem to be almost nonexistent now. But they are back, deep in me and I remember some forms of them now.

There is some words that I found beneficial too:

Help me accept the things that I cannot change,

Change the things that I can, and the understanding to know the difference between them.

Peace to you, my dear. You have had kind words to me, and I'll not forget.


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Hi Muse, thank you... you brought tears to my eyes because yes I do feel like I have been batterded by the angry sea. But I think I used to accept my problem and I did that by learning and understanding this mental health world that was new to me. MY therapist just emailed me and said the same thing, she said out of all of the patients she has seen with this debilatating depression/bipolar whatever she said she was very impressed with my persistance and motivation to tackle this and she said that was commendable...

I understand and of course it is nice to hear these things but what happens when that all changes?

I see the same theme here with almost everyone and it is the struggle to survive minute to minute day by day. And I used to be that very positive person so I guess that is why when I read everyone's posts, that first good, positive reaction comes out. But why can't I do that to myself?? I used to. But I feel so defeated and it would be easy to say ok move on and deal with it but I think I have just been hammered down so many times I either can't or won't go there again to that happy positive place....

My Pdoc says the biology is clear what is happeneing to me but like you, with no meds, I don't want to struggle the rest of my life with this.

I am really beginning to question life in general and why are we here and I feel life is really just so stupid... I know that goes against everyone's religous beliefs but I guess I made it into a simple way for me to process my fight in life.....

I hope this makes sense....

and thank you Muse for writing back to me as well.... :)

My Pdoc says the biology is clear what is happeneing to me but like you, with no meds, I don't want to struggle the rest of my life with this.

I am really beginning to question life in general and why are we here and I feel life is really just so stupid... I know that goes against everyone's religous beliefs but I guess I made it into a simple way for me to process my fight in life

sometimes we just have to believe and know .... Our Hopes....

peace of mind is there and will come. I get there sometimes. You will too.

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  • 4 weeks later...

When i finally quit being positive, when i couldn't be anymore, i cried and talked endlessly at times for three yrs. Guess i was feeling it finally, everything from a young child on. Had either been depressed, numb, or way up to that point.

Lost my faith in God. Still grapple. Sometimes i think i rapid cycle but i only get 'crazy' every few weeks now. I do mood swing a lot. I get super emotional, full of plans then crash and want to run away. There's lots of ideation. I feel worthless when it finally eases and i'm better. MI sucks. Am going to try another med. Swore i wouldn't but am pretty non functional at this point. The pain med i'm on doesn't help.

Anyway, wanted you to know about my crazy crying. Maybe the intensity will pass. Maybe you are doing some retro grieving?

I don't know. But i look at the diagnosis manual-i fit into several for the most part. I have a girl friend, quite stable emotionally. Every fear I've had, so has she, she just doesn't let them control her. She assures me everything i feel is normal considering. So maybe it is biological? I don't know.

Am trying to learn to love me the way that i am.


Hope something gets beetter for you soon


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