Loneliness

[sadgreeneyes]

I am nearly always alone, with that I mean I can be all alone for up till two weeks at the time. Even more sometimes. There is no family, with that I mean non, ever. Except for a sister who I don´t see at all nearly. I wish I could find a place where I could find new friends.

But I am lonely, lonely to the extent I don´t know if it is my wounded soul which makes me so lonely.

Have you ever been sitting among other people in a crowd,and you hear them all talking,( I can talk sometimes too, I can talk much if I want), but anyway,while you hear all these people talking you know you can see yourself outside this "frame" and you see a person who is wounded and can´t find her/his way home.

It is very painful, if I only could find a group or a place where people could get to know each other, people who need friends who understand so we could help each other.

Does there exist a meeting place like this online and in the cities? I can´t find anything in my city who have meetings like this.

I don´t know what to do soon. It´s no fun going out alone sitting in a bar, it can help for a little while if you get to talk to someone, but afterwards you are still lonely, if not even more lonely.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi sadgreeneyes...

I have to say I do understand the way you feel, I feel like that when I am very depressed. It's like being outside looking in to the world... But my normal self is a very outgoing, friendly person and thinking about it I wonder what really causes us to be the type of person we truely are. Minus the trauma, illness etc....

I think it is important to find places we are comfortable in and a place where we feel accepted. It could be a church group, book club at a library, support groups, getting involved in something we have a real passion for and volunteering somewhere of interest like a nursing home, pet shelter, schools etc....

Maybe contact a therapist or counselor? they might be able to help you with all of this...

Good luck and keep searching!!!

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Lindamomof7,

thank you so much for your reply, I am sorry to hear you feel the same way, it is not a good place to be in. Like you I can be outgoing too, but still..

I think too it can help to find a place to feel acceptable, I have been thinking about this, but I am not sure where to go. And I also feel anxious.

I have said it so many times I need to find a therapist, but it seems like my depression makes me not taking the steps necessary:confused:. But I know this can help me and it is worth a try.

Again thanks, Lindamomof

[sadgreeneyes]

And I like what you say about never to walk in anyones shadow anymore. It is really important. I am just about starting my healing process from years of abuse. So those words are precious, something we all should take with us.

Hugs,

sadgreeneyes

[Lindamomof7]

Thanks yes I know, I had just put that on my emails as well because feeling so crappy after cycling up down and sideways for a couple of weeks really weakened me more. and now it is just staying in depression wanting for it to change but the change now is freakin me out.....

I'm suppose to call the neurologist, cant do it cant call my therapist or my Dr either and they WANT to see me. So it is right at my finger tips and cant or dont want to I dont know anymore..... As my Dr tells me for this change in personality or attitude or the way my brain works is: 'Its the illness" !!! and not me.... comforting but frustrating....

Have you looked into support groups? I was involved with DBSA(depression bipolar support alliance) and I was a faciliator. I went for a while but then realized there were too many bipolar man and women in one room if you know what I mean!!! and add the different personality disorders etc. and I couldnt deal with it anymore. Since its peer run it was like the ill leading the ill...

Then I found a womens trauma support group run by counselors/social workers and I love it....

Is there something like that around you?

[sadgreeneyes]

I´m sorry you are feeling this way and having this depression, if I understand you right ( my english skills isn´t always on top) you find it difficult to get things through because of the depression?

I had a clinical depression in 97 and was laying 9 months in bed before being able to stay up. They admitted it may have been the medicines that made me so sick in the first place. I went on anti-depressive medicine for a year, then I got clinical depressed.

I can understand it can get to much being around to much illness, I have felt the same before. I think it is good to find a middle way or at least do what feels best for oneself. I remember when I was depressed and able to be up, it was a depression only to put in a place where illness was all around. I didn´t have to luckily and was allowed to be home and get nurses and medications at home.

I´m not sure what I can find of support groups in my city, I don´t think there is much, but I will try to be part of something. I will check it up, maybe there is something I don´t know about

[Lindamomof7]

always ask... you never know who knows something. Have you asked your nurses or Dr for a refferal to who might help you? Where di you say you were from?

[sadgreeneyes]

Yes, it helps to ask. I haven´t asked my doctor about exactly this, but I can do that, they may know something as you say. I´m from Norway, little city, so it´s not that much help to get as there is in bigger cities.

[Lindamomof7]

ok do you have any well what we call county, state resources. Maybe "government" type of resources you can search on the internet? Local hospitals, churches?? They may also have some info as well....

[sadgreeneyes]

Yes, we do have that, but I doubt that they have what I am looking for. I am looking for a support group/ meetings for people who are lonely. Online you can see all these dating sites, but I haven´t found "one" website who is for finding friends in the way I am looking for. To meet people who are in the same boat. When there are so many people out there who is lonely it is sad there doesn´t exist this kind of "getting- to- know -someone" website. I haven´t seen or found anyone, but it might exist and that it is just me who can´t find it?

[Lindamomof7]

Hi sadgreeneyes

I googled "lonely online support" and found a few things here is one:

http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-Lonely/233

have you tried something like this??? Or maybe Allan or David might know of something???

Keep me posted....

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Lindamomof,

I´m sorry I couldn´t come back to you yesterday, today I have been looking at the site you found, I think it can be a good place to chat and get friends. Not sure are there any people from my city there, to meet in real, but it´s a good start. Thank you for finding this site!

[Lindamomof7]

sure... your welcome... sometimes its the wording when searching the internet so try a few different ways of putting descriptions in. There isn't any more local resources you could use? How about putting in desrciptive locations and words???? Keep me posted and if you need some more help let me know I will see what search engines I can find....

[sadgreeneyes]

Thanks for giving me advice, it´s a good idéa, I will try to see if I can find some other sites, maybe I find some sites closer to my country. When being in american sites it´s very few members from my country, I´m thinking about this "meeting each other" again, if that would be a reality. But this site I am on is very good I think

If I find some other sites I´ll let you know, again thanks

[Lindamomof7]

Have you tried "dating" sites??? I would think they get more "specific" with personalities and locations????

Just a thought???

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi again Lindamomof,

yes, I have tried dating sites, but I´m not sure are there any good guys there, I mean the normal ones are hard to find, they say that 10% of the people on dating sites are counted as normal. I am on dating sites still, but it´s difficult. And after all the years with abusive guys it´s a bit scary too. And I have found out it doesn´t help to write you appreciate friends too ( on the dating site), because when there are a guy who ask can he be my friend, they ask just to "get in", like they know they are taken in the warmth, and then when we say hello they want more suddenly and then they get p**ed. Sorry the language but this is the problem on dating sites, they are so false many of them..

I´m not sure if that project site is so much for me, it was very difficult to find contacts, it was a more "sharing stuff" site, but I am still registered there

[Lindamomof7]

I understand... I can see that that would be a problem with dating sites....

How are you making out with entereing the info into the computer and searching in different words and locations?

Are their any other links off that web site or the description I gave you to find that one?

[sadgreeneyes]

I´m sorry, I haven´t come so far yet:o, I am already on one local site but again this is nearly the same as other sites. I doubt there exist what I am looking for, but I will try and see what I can find

I took a quick look, I doubt there is anything but dating sites, I will try another dating site which is a site from my country, they are rating loneliness, but is still a dating site. It can be worth trying . I doubt I will find a site which is 100% find a friend site.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Sadgreeneyes,

Can you tell us more about some of the problems you have with meeting men and with relationships? Very often, the problem has less to do with suggestions about where to meet people but with fears about relationships.

Allan

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Sadgreeneyes,

Can you tell us more about some of the problems you have with meeting men and with relationships? Very often, the problem has less to do with suggestions about where to meet people but with fears about relationships.

Allan

Thanks for asking Allan!

I seems to always meet abusive guys, even my first love which I met again early last year, he turned out to be a narcissist and he treated me real bad over msn for about 7 months. This made hugh wounds on me. I have never feared to be in a relationship or feared any man, but I fear my ptsd when in relationship, because I can´t function normal, I will admit I can get paranoid and think I am sure he´ll go behind my back watching nudity. This makes me feel ashamed and humiliated. For me it is the same as my boyfriend rather could tell me face to face I´m not good enough and he would laugh behind my back for knowing I am ashamed. Like being abusive with me with purpose. It is something about the nudity that feels shameful. For me IT IS shameful. Even nothing has happened I am sure he´ll someway will go behind my back when it comes to this. I don´t know where this shame comes from, it´s not so that I am jealous of the woman on tv, but it is the shame I am being put into. It´s a shame for me to be exposed to this together with my boyfriend. Does this make any sense?, because I don´t know what it is or where this shame comes from. I did feel ashamed one time I was about 6 years old, a photo of all of us should be taken and I was naked, so I did hide myself out of shame, with my arms around me. I remember that was a bad feeling. And there is some other stuff I did as a child/teenager which is very shameful today,in front of my dad, but he didn´t see. It was sexual stuff. Someone meant I just wanted attention??

I was also afraid my dad would come into my bedroom at night, so I got some force thoughts about locking the door over and over again. But I think I got these force thoughts because of my brother who came to my doorstep sometimes in the morning, to scare me:confused: because when my brother past away at age 18, I was 13, then the force thoughts came. I also had the same thoughts about the bathroom, scared to shower because there were two doors into the bathroom, the one door could not be locked and it lead to my dads bedroom. So I had to be quick or find time when he wasn´t home or in.

And yes, not to forget, I still avoid showing myself in summer clothes if my dad should visit, which he seldom does. I don´t like showing skin to him. I feel bad about that. I don´t feel bad showing skin to other people, only him.

I can tell I lost my virginity with my first boyfriend.