Can you help me out?

[Bluerose]

I’ve been doing some thinking and quite a bit of research. I’m struggling with the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity disorder.

I don't like the other 'parts' of me being referred to as 'individuals', 'personalities', or 'people' because they are not. They are parts of my psyche that broke off for some reason. My guess is that I was a very sensitive child and my upbringing was anything but sensitive.

I have been doing some research and found this -

Multiplicity is a group for people who are multiple, plural, median, midcontinuum, MPD/DID/DDNOS,...

I want to learn more about Median also known as MidContinuum -

"This is the experience of being somewhere between strictly multiple and strictly singlet (not plural) experience. They could all consider themselves parts or facets of one person, they could be multiple genders of one person, they could be plural in such a way that they are not distinct individuals but that the self identity and personality is variable within a range. Nonetheless members of median groups are just as valid as their multiple counterparts."

I don’t really understand this. Can anyone explain it clearer? Do any of our resident 'Experts' have any information on this they can share? I have eye strain from researching this and haven't really found anything to explain what it is.

[goose]

Wishing you all the best with your research. I believe the more you understand you condition the better you are able to cope.

Take Care

Goose

[musemuse]

Hi Blue Rose,

have you looked on the internet under '

Dissociative Identity disorder

? While reading your topic, I just looked on the internet and there seemed to be a page full, and probably more. That is usually where I start my searches. I do hope you find things and learn more and more about it. It is a way of understanding and being able to talk about things clear.

I do wish you well -- blessings to you,

[Bluerose]

I have done a lot of research on the net. It’s not DID I’m checking out. I’ve read enough about that to write a book. It’s the other thing I only came across it today and it struck a bell making me curious as to what it is and about it’s relationship to DID.

Don’t worry. Getting tired here, after midnight, I’ll try looking again tomorrow.

Thanks folks for you concern.

[amberlyn]

Hey Rose,

I would suggest Googling (or Yahoo-ing, or whatever search engine you use) "midcontinuum." I just did a search & saw that there are quite a few pages that are forums or groups and have a classification for midcontinuum folks. There's also a page I found called "Multiple Personality Glossary" or something like that. Maybe that's something to check into...?

Also, I hope I'm not being too pushy, but I'm concerned about the fact that you don't want to see them as individuals. Yes, they are each aspects of your psyche that have broken off ... but in the case of DID, they do become separate individuals. They have their own thoughts, actions, opinions, religious views, etc. I'm wondering if this lack of acknowledgement on your part is truly concern for this not being DID, or if there's still doubt. And again, I apologize if I'm out of line.

Take care & good luck in your research.

[Bluerose]

Going to hit Google. I’ll be back.

[Bluerose]

Don't worry about being pushy. I can usually deal with most questions.

I think it's basically a progress thing. I'm not a young person and back when I was younger I was certainly overwhelmed by 'people' and 'voices'.

But since reading so much on DID, on and off for years now, long, long before I was 'officially' diagnosed, I hesitated to refer to 'them' as people because in my recovering mind it was a step backwards. Do you understand?

I saw them or I preferred to see them as fragmented parts of my psyche and I was working to 'reassemble' it.

I found this helpful -

"In order to survive abuse, a young child has the ability to fragment her spirit into multiple parts. This is like freezing a lake and breaking off chunks of ice. Even though each chunk of ice appears separate, it is still part of the lake and still belongs in the lake. Just as the warmth of the sun melts chunks of ice back into a lake, the warmth of self-love invites each alter part back into its original place in the soul."

"They have their own thoughts, actions, opinions, religious views, etc."

Definitely! You're quite right! For my children's sake, I have been working so long and so hard at getting well that I never really gave that side of thing much thought. In the past I believed, on and off, that it was just my imagination and I was too afraid to think of them like that in case it simply re-enforced the 'illusion'.

I believed that there was something wrong with me. Something that had to be fixed. But what if it doesn't have to be fixed? I've read about other people who don't see DID as an illness or a disorder. But I was too afraid to explore this in case it got out of hand… Again! And I lost control.

I don't think I suffer from a lack of knowledge about DID. But, yes, I am aware of not being completely aware of what goes on concerning my inner world. But at least we have stopped trying to kill each other. And I do feel in control - most of the time.

.. they're scoffing, laughing, in a good way not a bad way

I could have so much fun with this, describing them, telling you what they are saying. But, in recovery, encouraging them is not recommended neither is naming.

They are like a bunch of siblings but it wasn't always like this. There were times when there were threats of death etc. not only about me but about the people I cared about. It took me a long time to communicate and even longer to understand what came back. I used to get so frustrated with trying to understand that, if I was alone, I would yell "If you want me to understand then you are going to have to be a lot clearer!" this almost convinced me that I was mad.

I don’t think that was just me writing that.

Very thought provoking post. Thanks.

Look forward to reading more of your ideas on this.

[Bluerose]

“Probably the main characteristic distinguishing medians from singlets and multiples is the presence of more than one person in the body, but without the independence of persons in a multiple system. Persons in a median system may be dependent upon a single individual (who may have created them at some point), and unable to exist without that central person. Some people in a hosting situation might think of themselves as median. You might say something like "there are many of us, but we are really all (Rose)". Various metaphors have been invoked by median systems to describe their experience, such as a stem with leaves, the spokes of a wheel, pages in a book, or a sun orbited by planets.”

Oh my God! I likened myself to a rose! The strong stem, it's green leaves, it's soft pink petals, and it's thorns! And I have chosen the collective name of Rose.

Could I be onto something here?

“People often mistakenly think they must refer to themselves as median or midcontinuum because: The frontrunner(s) is/are aware of what's going on at all times. That may just mean there's good continuity and communication between the frontrunner(s) and the others. Their system or group wasn't trauma-created. The people in the group did not originate with one mind which split or gave birth to other minds. The group has no person who particularly identifies or is identified as a host or core. The group has not been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder. The group experiences being a gateway system, or experiences everyone in the group as fictive or as having come from outside, as walk-ins.”

Are there any ‘experts’ kicking around who can shed some light on this.

I would really appreciate some feedback.

[Bluerose]

amberlyn,

Came across this and it seems that others are having a problem with the use of 'personality' and 'individuals'. Still reading, just thought I'd share what I found.

Personality - A word formerly used to describe a person in a multiple group. Many multiples now resist calling members "personalities", and instead use the word in its more conventional sense, to describe a person's general character.

[Bluerose]

Anyone got any thoughts on this thread?