sadgreeneyes Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 I know I have had some depression and anxiety lately. I have been depressed before too in between. In 97 I had a serious depression where I was constantly laying in bed for 9 months without nearly standing up, I had one nurse to come home to me to give me medication and a second nurse to try to get me up from the bed and go outdoors, without any success. I didn´t want to stay in the hospital with ill people so they let me stay home. I don´t remember any eating or drinking or going to the bathroom in this period. In the beginning of my depression I had been without food for a week before they got me to the psychiatric hospital to try feed me, they had to watch me eat. My depression was very serious and the nurses and therapist meant I would never be able to be going to school or work again. But I did. After laying in bed for 5-6 months feeling more and more bad I refused to take seroxat and shots anymore, I was very clear on this and got my way and started with milder medicine like cipramil, I got better and better, after 3-4 more months I was well again. And stopped taking medicine. They also admitted in the end that I should never have the medications in the first place because I wasn´t depressed when I started with them, after one year on seroxat, BANG! next day I didn´t stand up, it happened over night. I mean this isn´t normal, one very nice nurse said the same.It was much writing about this depression, to the mainpoint, many times I have no motivation to go shower. I do shower of course, but I need to let go of doing daily stuff in the house, even being on the computer, I have to lay down on the sofa for about half hour to get back the mentally drive to go shower. And it is only about the showering. It this depression or is it something else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Hi sadgreeneyesI am so sorry you have been going through what seems to me as a very severe case of depression. Of course I'm not a Dr but I do remember those really down times as you desrcibed. I actually went for almost a month without eating yes I ended up in the hospital and my real severe times of not getting off the couch for months and just being able to go to the bathromm and shower every other day was caused by the meds they gave. Mood stabalizers to be exact so the very medicine I need to keep from cycling causes severe depression in me... go figure.Please be aware of any meds the Dr gives you and their reactions to you whethere it is a listed side effect or not, we all react differently to the meds....I sure hope you can continue to get to the computer and let your mind become diverted and distracted. That seems to be what is helping me right now.... and I have moved my desk near my couch in the family room so between the Tv and the computer it is actually helping me as best can be expected....Good luck and keep in touch with us:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted February 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Hi Lindamomof,thank you so much once again for replying to me:)I am so sorry to hear you did go through such a severe depression too, it is really awful thing to go through mentally. I hope you are doing much better now? I don´t have that kind of depression anymore, in the beginning after I got well, the years after I was really afraid of "what if it happens again", but I do think it was the doctors who gave me something my brain wasn´t suppose to have.Like you say, I don´t trust doctors when ti comes to this again.But my problem now isn´t being able to be on the computer or doing daily stuff. My problem is that if I have to go shower I need to collect myself mentally or I am to tired mentally. If I lay down for half hour my mentality gets better.I guess you meant this is depression too. I was just thinking why is it only about the showering, why not other daily stuff? but maybe there is certain things that just makes us mentally tired, to think of, to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schillaci Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Yeah, I've got that showering thing as well. I ask myself the same question as to why. Most people seem to absolutely adore showering and are baffled when they learn I do not, to say the least.As for explanation, I could think of several for my own situation, but depression probably about covers it. I don't want remove my cover if I feel weak. I don't want to clean myself if the dirt lies within. And I don't want to be forced into a state of relaxation by hot streams of water while I'm supposed to be rubbing that ugly body of mine.Much love,Schillaci Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 I am glad I can help you a little... Like I said, this is helping me too:)I am also glad you are not in that depression either, boy that really stinkls.... ugh...Well I can understand why it is with the shower. I have learned to recognize how I react to the strangest things mentally and physically.... and recognizing it is the way to help work through it...I have found that I have alot of processing problems and trying to physically do something when I am "down" I just can't do it... I don't know if it is anxiety as well but I feel like the wizard of oz witch when I walk into my kitchen or my laundry room. I just stand there and can't move,and feel like I am melting with an axiety attack coming so I have learned not to cry but the feeling is there of frustration and sadness and depression.Is that what you do with the shower? Is it overwhelming? probably just as your shower? But I would love to figure out the definition of overwhelming and explain it to my head???I believe it is sort of a reaction to all of the trauma physically from the meds and mentally from the struggle of not taking meds and cycling. I believe it was my therapist who has said that I have been beat up in a sense for the last 4 years.So yours is the shower and mine is my kitchen and laundry room. I am cycling up a little now so I am productive with cooking and cleaning right now, so yes that is good but it has been a terrible month or so for me... I say well I am temporarily sane right now so lets get stuff done I haven't been able to do.... Tomorrow though could be a different story...So mentally I guess we need to know our limits with certain "triggers" even if it is something as simple as the shower but that feeling is just so aweful....Maybe someone else has a different opinion? But I can relate sadgreeneyes..... and I hope you can find your way to a very happy and relaxing shower... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted February 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Hi Schillaci,thank you for replying Then it probably is depression, like both you and Lindamomof say. I am sorry you struggle with this too. It´s strange how showering can be such a work mentally, strange when it is only about standing under this warm water, to be clean. It´s harder work cleaning the floors for example and I don´t like cleaning floors and I don´t need to collect myself mentally for cleaning. I do believe we have different things that makes us feeling more depressed than other things.If I understand you right, does this mean that we can feel depressed for one particular thing today because of childhood issues or earlier things, that this can be connected to the depression? and that it is unconscience? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted February 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Linda,I am sad to hear you struggle with that. I am glad you are feeling better some days, like now I too have days where things seems to be harder than other days. I have found out I need to collect myself mentally on the sofa, then showering goes much better. About feeling overwhelmed, yes it might feel like that, it is to get into the shower that is the hardest work, I´m just looking at the bathroom and feel depressed right in front of the curtain, so if I lay down for half hour I feel more that I can float into the bathroom, it´s like I get rid of some heavy energy mentally. And it helps to make everything clear before the showering, so there is no work finding clothes, no need to move the washing bag under the shower, things like this. My bathroom is little.I hope too you will find yourself doing things easier in future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 It sounds to me like depression. I know that feeling that getting out of bed is more than you can manage. One thing that helped me (and still does on the bad days) is to make a very specific list of what I have to do each day. Having the specific small obtainable goals sometimes gave me the energy to do minimum. I hope that you find some peace and help soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted February 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 I notmary,I´m glad to hear you have found a way that is helping you I know how you feel, sometimes things that has to be done just feels depressing. It does go better with me if I do these little things, but most of all I must lay on the sofa to get ready mentally:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schillaci Posted February 7, 2010 Report Share Posted February 7, 2010 Hi Sadgreeneyes,Yes, I do believe you understand correctly. Bad feelings can be linked to about anything. Phobia's are an excellent example how fear can be associated to highly specific things or situation. The same goes for feelings of dread, depression. And this can happen without you realizing it happens.I put effort in making showering a fun ritual. I take a run first to have my head full of endorphins, drink a little alcohol to relax, put on some music and make sure to think about pleasant things. It helps. And perhaps one day I'll learn to subconsciously associate the fun with the chore.Much love,Schillaci Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted February 7, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2010 Hi Schillaci,It sounds very logic it can causes depression and that there is this connection you talk about, I have had bad feelings and experiences with the shower as a teenager. But have never though of connecting this with the todays showering. But it might be I am not aware of it. I think you are very right in what you say. Your way of making your showering pleasant sounds great! , I agree exercise is very helpful getting us to manage things that first seemed difficult. And those little things that makes it pleasant is so worth it, it does help. It makes us look brighter at it I try to exercise everyday or in between, but now lately I have been lazy, but I will soon start again, to lose the rest of the few pounds I am trying to get off Much love back to you,sadgreeneyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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