My baby was taken away from me

[marie1512]

my baby was tacken away from me when he was born 8 years ago and i cant get over it i am in constent pain and all i do is think about killing my self i have tryd this lots of times and no one seems to cear ther is no support hear for me and nothing i do can get rid of my pain please help:(

[Guest ASchwartz]

marie1512,

You, indeed, do have a lot of grief.

Marie, I am very concerned about your level of depresson and your suicidal attempts. The very first thing you must do is get mental help for your self. In my opinion, you need a combination of medication treatment of some kind and psychotherapy.

Can you tell us why your baby was taken away from you and is there any way you can get to see and visit with the child?

Allan

[marie1512]

i was brought up in cear and the social serveses thought i wouldent be able to cope but they never gave me the chance i am greving constently for my son and i have been hospitilised 2 times but i am not on any medication now and my doctor dosent seem to cear he told me i should just get over it my last sueside attempt allmost killed me and i wish it had it would be better than liveing my life like this:(

[Guest ASchwartz]

Marie1512,

You were brought up in "cear?" I do not understand. Could you explain.

Why have you stopped your anti depressant medications??

Why can't you see your child?

Are you seeing a psychiatrist and, if not, why not?

Allan

[marie1512]

yes i was brought up in cear they used the fact i was unstbel in cear to take my son away from me i havent seen him sinse he was 1 day old 8 years ago i stoped takeing my meds cos they wernt helping and my sicaietrist dident cear what i did so i stoped seing him my husband dosent belive in taking medications but i think i need to try and get help again because i am constently thinking of killing myself and killing my husband and famely as i blame my famely for my son being taken away from me i had a very hard upbringing befor i was in cear now i just think what is the point of liveing like this my husband and famely need to be punished for ther sins i did nothing rong yet i am the one who is suffering if i have to suffer for ther sins i should be the one to punish them

[marie1512]

hi im sorry for my last post some times i right things in hast when i was righting that i was in a bad mood i vent my anger out in a lot of different ways some times by hurting my self and other times by righting silly things half the time i dont no whether i am comeing or going i get so down that nothing matters to me as i am righting this i no i am close to doing something silly ether to my self or someone els i have been keeping myself looked away so that i cant hurt anyone i am so lost that i dont no what to do for the best i wish i had a madgic wand to make all the hurt and pain and anger go away i have tryed every thing anger managment ,hurting myself hurting my poor husband who i no i dont deserve as i some times treat his so badly i realy dont no why he stays whith me all i want is to go to bed and never wake up it would make my famelys life so much better if i wasent arownd any more i am a wast of space im nothing but a terrobull berdon to them i no they say they cear for me but realy they dont please tell me what i should do because i dont no any more ther is no wher arownd hear for me to get help and my husband would never allaw it any way im so lost i shoul do every one a faver and just get it over whith

[carolinajewel03]

Thank you for the kind words. After reading your thread I feel childish. I have lost 7 babies, mine all were gone before I gave birth to them. I know the loss of a baby. I am so sorry you have this pain in your heart.

[marie1512]

hi thank you for your kind words im so sorry you have lost all them babys i cant even imagin the pain you have in your hart sometimes bad things happen to good people and i only wish i new why? but i dont so all i can say is that i am so sorry for your loss and i hope in time you will have more babys alothe they cant replace the babys you have lost it will be a good thing i haope you will feel better god bless you and your famly all the best from marie1512

[Kalima]

Hi Marie,

I'm sorry your in so much pain and I'm really quite concerned that you might hurt yourself.

I'm dyslexic too and also English so found your posts quite easy to read, however for the benefit of Alan, Marie was brought up in foster care (i think).

I cannot begin to imagin the pain your feeling. Is it possible to change your Dr if he wont prescribe you medicine?

if you really start to feel bad would it help to talk? You can call samaritans - 08457 90 90 90, http://www.samaritans.org - in the UK.

Or if you don't think that will help, can you take yourself to A&E (accident & Emergency) and tell them you are acutly suicidal. At least then someone should asses you and give you some medication, which may take the edge off the suicidal feelings.

Whats the situation with you psychist? are you recieving any therpy? being taught coping methods?

You said your baby was taken from you 8 years ago, can you tell us what happened? where is he or she now? has your child been adopted or is he or she in foster care?

If you need to talk feel free to message me.

Kali xxx

Edited January 22, 2009 by Kalima

[marie1512]

hi yes i was brought up in cear from a young age i was abused while i was in cear and started self harming when i was only 9 i was given a sicaitrest and eventualy secshond to the mentil hospital but when i got out i wasent given any more help and i meet a abusive man he hit me on a daly basis and let his frends have ther way whith me i think you no what i mean any way i ended up pregnent and when i was 3 months gone my boyfrend hit me so bad i ended up in the hospital in a comer for 2 days the sosial workers wher ther when i woke up and they told me they wear going to take my baby as soon as he was born i have never felt pain like i did on that day so when he was born the sosial workers wear allready ther wating i got to cuddel him for abaut 1 houre and then they took him i was devestated it dident realy sink in and even to this day it hasent sunl in that they have him and i dont so they took him from me and he was adopted practoly strat away i havent seen or heard any thing abaut him since after he was born they secshond me again for 6 months when i got out no one offerd me any help so i have tryed to kill my self lots of times but havent managed to yet? i have a husband who dosent allways understand me but hes not so bad he dosent belive in taking pills or going to hospitals my doctor wont lissen to me and i dont have a sicaitrest any more my husband thinks i am normal now ibut i hide it from him i get the most horibill thoughts like i imagin hoe it would be if i killed my husband and my famly because they are the ones to blame i dont no what to do anymore i am so sick of trying to hide how i feel i dont think i can hide it much longer thanks for your coments have you read my blog i did a pome for my son its called the reson you might like to reed it if you dont want to thats ok anyway thanks and god bless

[Natalie]

Hi Marie1512-

You have gone through many experiences that would traumatize anyone- my heart goes out to you. Beyond working with a psychiatrist, which it sounds like you are unable to do right now, it really sounds like you need to work with a psychotherapist. Someone who can listen to your thoughts and feelings and help you deal with those... beyond just prescribing medicine. Do you have contact with a social worker currently who can help you get hooked up with a therapist? Also, can the social worker hook you up with a primary care doctor that will listen to you.

Finally, if you continue to feel like you are going to hurt your self or someone else, and can't control this behavior, you do need immediate care and help. I agree with the other poster who suggested that you should go to A&E if that is the case.

[marie1512]

hi i dont have a sosial worker any more they wear only intrested in my baby onece they got him i dident have a sosial worker i cant go to a and e because they will lock me away in a hospital again and i dont want to go back ther thank you for your riplie

[Guest ASchwartz]

Marie1512,

Why would a social worker lock you away or only be interested in your baby? It seems to me that you are fearful and that it is possible that you are rejecting help. What do you think??

Allan

[marie1512]

im not fearfull and i dident regect help they only wanted my baby as soon as they got him i never saw them again that was 8 years ago i have asked for help lots of times and no one ever wants to lissen i hate all sosial workers if they spent half as much time taking babys of people who realy do hurt ther babys as they do at taking inasent peoples babys ther woulden be eny babys geting abused i fear nothing now they allready took my son i wouldent cear if i was killed tomorrow i would welcome it whith open arms nothing matters to me now the hole world could end and i woulden cear

[nightfalls]

Marie1512,

First I am so sorry that you have had to go through this, my heart go's out to you.

I was wondering if you know at all where your son has gone, to whom he was addopted by or if there is any way to find him.

I understand how horrible this whole issue must be but mabe you could be hopeful that one day, at some time, even if it is far from now, your son may look for you and if that does EVER happen wouldn't you want to be there for him to find? Your son is only 8 now and in 12 years he will be a young man at 20 and I know if I was adopted I would look everywhere to find my mom even if it was just to meet her. People have found there birth parents later in life at 20 years old and this is where they started a relationship with them. It is possible, anything is possible.

My husband found a lost family member after 49 years of not knowing to where they were adopted, and now the family has been reconnected it was amazing to all involved. So you never really know for sure.

I hope, that you will find hope in what ever you can here. Please take care:)

[marie1512]

thank you for your kind coments forgetting and congratuilations for finding your lost loved ones i dont no who or wher my son got took to they wouldent tell me it kills me every second of every day not haveing him hear i no he wont want to find me i have been in the cear sistume myself i no how they twist your mind and try to get you to hate your famly i wake up every day hoping to die but it hassent happend yet maby some day soon it will? i have no hope anymore thanks for your comments god bless

[Guest ASchwartz]

Marie1512,

Never give up hope.

Allan:)

[marie1512]

hi allen

i wish i had hope left but i dont nothing matters to me any more i just try to get threw the days but i no im fighting a looseing battel its only a matter of time befor i brake

[Natalie]

Hi Marie 1512-

We have communicated our deepest sympathy for your loss and continue to feel for your pain. However, I am noticing that all of our suggestions about what to do to cope with your situation are being met with a "no" from you.

Here's what we have suggested:

1) Find another primary care doctor or psychiatrist to have a medication evaluation.

2) Re-establish a relationship with a social worker or other type of psychotherapist. You need to get involved in some individual psychotherapy (i.e., talking with someone about your thoughts and feelings)... this won't bring your son back, but can help you develop some coping skills to deal with and lessen your pain.

3) If you continue to feel suicidal or like you are going to hurt someone else, go to A&E.

I understand that none of the options are easy or exactly what you want to do. However, your pain and feelings will probably stick around and stay the same unless you choose to do something different. If you choose to not make a change, which is entirely your decision, then you will continue to feel terrible and stuck in the same situation.

We will be here for you no matter what you decide...

[marie1512]

hi nately i went to a and e and they said i am normal and they told me i dont need to wory and they dont think i need to go back on my meds so what els am i saposeto do? i want to change my doctor but they are the only doctors near me the next doctor is mails away so i dont no what to do? my husband made me go to a and e because i tryed to stab him and even he told the doctor what im like to live whith and he dident want to no he said im perfectly normal and i only have a multibul personality disorder which isen dangeruse so what els can i do?:mad:(:confused::confused::confused:

[Natalie]

Hi Marie 1512-

Thanks for your response. You are definitely in a very hard situation that I am sure many people who live in an area with few resources can identify with.

How long ago was your most recent visit to A&E? It sounds like you were having problems, but weren't having "enough" issues at the time that you visited A&E to be treated. It's a crappy way to run a system, but we frequently have the same problems in the U.S. People are suicidal, go to the emergency room, wait a long time, and then feel a bit less suicidal, so then they are discharged with very little assistance. In the U.S., I recommend that people use very specific language when they go to the emergency room, or call 911 (emergency assistance). I tell people to be very upfront and say "I am ACUTELY suicidal or homicidal." This is obviously medical jargon, but people in health care professions usually pay attention.

I wonder if you would like to speak to someone directly. Here is an international website that you can use to look up a live (and trained) individual that you can access. http://www.befrienders.org/

Have you ever tried calling this type of hotline?

Any group members out there from Marie's area (Northeast England) that could give her some advice about accessing mental health care?

Edited August 5, 2008 by Natalie

[marie1512]

thanks 4 your replie i will give it a go its rite what you said about a and e they thought i was ok? but i tryed to tell them i wasent my last trip to a and e was in december when i cut my rists they just dident cear?:mad: so now i dont cear i have asked 4 help and they dident give me it so if anything happens its ther falt now not mine:confused: i dont want to be like this any more i would rather die its eseyer on every one:(

[paula]

Hi Marie, My names Paula and I'm from the U.K. Only, I live in the North West. Where abouts in the North East do you live?

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I can't even imagine how heart breaking it is. Like someone mentioned previous, I too am Dyslexic. I would suggest that you go ahead and get a second opinion, regarding your mental health. Your not alone in all this and don't ever feel that you are. Don't think that I'm being rude but do you not get help because your Dyslexic. You might think that I'm going of track a bit but there's a reason. have you been diagnosed with Dyslexia. the reason that i'm enquiring is that you can and are entitled to help. You can ask your doctor to put you intouch with a Phychologist to assess you and if you get no joy out of your doctor, look in the yellow pages and phone around for a doctor in your area to take you on. When you have found a doctor, go in to your previous doctor and ask for your medical card so as to register with this new doctor. I too am under the mental health for manic depression and have also tried to commit suicide on a few occasions. It was only last week that I was feeling at my low and was considering suicide and didn't know what way to turn until I posted a thread on this site. The people on this site are very understanding, trust me. I know it's not like talking face to face, and I was veryreluctant at first to say anything at all. My beliefs was that how can they say that they understand when they don't. But believe me they try their best. I am still very very low even now but I'm here. I realy don't think it's my time to go yet! and I don't think it's yours either. Listen Marie, If you want to talk I could give you my email address if it will help. let me know and I will arrange for you to get it. Before I get off, I would like to write some thing down for you. Think of this and read every time you feel suicidal :

I believe that everything happens for a reason,

People change so that you can learn to let go,

Thing go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,

You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself....

And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Remember! always think of the above words. Take care!

Paula x

[marie1512]

thank you paula for your kind words they mean alot i live in gateshead which is next to newcastle my doctor dosent cear about me he just keeps saying he will refer me but he never dose he said i have a multibul personality disorder and that it is nothing to worry about i last kut my rists in december on my sons birthday i nerly died but dident finish the job propley who no s maby next time my husband dosent want me to get any help it emareses him he thinks im ok? and im starting to hate him 4 it i think about killing him and then myself but i havent done it yet sometimes he pushes me to far my e mail is mariebrandonlee@yahoo.co.uk wher do you live? why do you get sad? you seem nice. i wish i could let go of the past but i cant because i no my baby is out ther somewher i can never let go so it would be better to die than live in this pain constently i hate liveing like this its no good every one would be happer if i wasent hear any more

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Marie1512,

It is never better to die, never ever. One never knows about the good surprises life can hold. Someday, your son may search for you. Can you imagine how he would feel if he could not find you because you killed yourself?

It is important that you live and that you have hope.

Allan