please I need help [!]

[kitty]

I am having depression.I am on meds now for 4 days.After trying to harm myself on friday I am getting better everyday.But something strange happening to me.I sometimes mix up the real world and my dreams.Ex:I think I have done something but later I find out that it had only happened in my dream while sleeping.I am afraid to tell this to anyone.I dont want people to think of me as a strange person.Can it be a side effect or can it be because of having nearly 2 hours sleep everyday.I cant sleep,cant eat these days.I havent been like this before.I am afraid I am losing reality.Please help!

Alo too much memory flashbacks,my mind is busy all the time,I just cant stop thinking.The bad memories I was trying to erase from my mind are coming back one by one.I think I am going crazy.Help!!

[Guest ASchwartz]

I read your impassioned call for help with a lot of concern and empathy.

One option you have and the most immediate is to go to the emergency room of your local hospital. There, you can tell them about your new anti depressant medication (bring it with you to the emergency room to show them) and tell them all the details about your symptoms. I do not know if you are experiencing a side effect of medicine or if your symptoms are due to lack of sleep. That is why the emergency room is a good option.

The other option is to call the physician who prescribed the medication and let him know the seriousness of your reactions since starting the medications, including and especially the lack of sleep.

In fact, your inability to sleep just could be a medication side effect, just maybe, but I do not know.

I can also tell you that it takes, on the average, two weeks for many anti depressant medications to start working. However, this loss of sleep cannot and should not be ignored.

I always tell my patients, and in no incertain terms, that they must call their prescribing doctor if there are any questions, problems or potential problems with medication. What you are experiencing is serious enough for you to use either of the two options above, and the emergency room is the fastest in terms of getting help.

Anyway, that is my opinion

Allan Schwartz

[Natalie]

I agree with Dr. Schwartz. Please seek help asap and talk to the prescribing physician and/or the emergency room. Make sure to point out to the person who answers the phone at your dr.'s office (if you start there first) that you were recently suicidal and think you are having a bad reaction to the meds. Unfortunately, you often need to be assertive (polite but FIRM) to get the receptionist to realize the seriousness of what's going on.

Please remember that there are many, many different types of medications that you can try and if just because you have a bad reaction to one doesn't mean that others will fail.

Good luck.

[kitty]

Thanks for your answers.I called the doc who prescribed the med,as you have told me.He wants me to try for some time before changing the med.It is only 4 days but there is a slight improvement.

Sorry I forgot to write here that I could only sleep half an hour before I started zoloft.Slight improvement as I can sleep more now.At least I do not think to harm myself,feel a little relaxed.I am not used to these kind of meds,its the first time.I do not smoke,I only drink once a month.I was using aspirin as a sleeping pill before.

About the real world and dreams:It hapened after taking the med. I am not sure, maybe I am too tired.Because I am an electronic engineer maybe I am looking for a quick improvement,but we are not machines,right?

I hope to get better soon,I have to because I am the father and the mother of two girls.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Having to play the double role of father and mother of two girls while also working as an engineer is certainly very stressful. You need to take some time for yourself to meditate, relax, exercise and have some peace.

By the way, from what I have learned it it very common for people to experience vivid dreams when starting some of the anti depressant medications such as Zoloft.

Allan

[kitty]

Unfortunately I am looking for a job now.I am not working.It also makes me feel depressed.

[kitty]

At last I fell asleep.I slept for 7 hrs.Good improvement.But later on I again felt sorrow,cried suddenly while laughing.I thought there would be constant improvement.Will it be like this,is this normal.I say I am feeling ok and then I feel depressed again, go back to where I have started.I want to be the person I was before.How long will it take,is this normal?

I was always a strong person,I was the one who gave advices to friends,I was the one who made people to laugh.Many friends admired me.Now look where I am .I hit the bottom..My mind lost control over my body,I am having new tics everyday.This is not me.I do not want people to see me like this.My face tells it all,you can see the sorrow on my face.I would rather go in the closet and sit there.I will never forgive myself.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Kitty,

It is still only a few days since you started the Zoloft. What is encouraging is that you did get a good night of sleep and you say you are feeling a little better, athough your mood goes up and down.

You are very hard on yourself and, clearly, ashamed of yourself. Please try to remember, depression is an illness just like any other illness.

You make mention of two things that are unclear: 1)that you have facial tics and 2)that you "will never fogive yourself."

Have you told your Doctor about your facial tics? What is it that you cannot forgive yourself about?

By the way, If you continue to put together a few good nights of sleep in a row, it will help.

Allan:)

[kitty]

Not actually facial ticks.Something strange,for example I touch the side of the window with my shoulder a couple of times,or touch my stomach with my fingers a couple of times.I do not want to do these but I cannot stop myself from doing those.Also I cough a couple of times an afterwards gag a couple of times when I get angry.I have some ticks on my body too.When I am not able to control myself and catch the look of the people who are looking at me,I feel very bad.Thats why I do not want to go out.

Not forgiving myself:I wanted to kill myself,even thinking of this means I am not strong as I was before.Also I made a serious mistake by marrying a man 20 yrs ago.It was on the 8th year I understood what kind of a man he was.I felt like an idiot.At the 10th year I found a way to escape with my kids.He sent his men after me,many things happened afterwards.I know I am not allowed to have any hopes or dreams.I know there is no way out for me,once you are in there is no out.I have invisible boundaries ,rules which I have to obey.But I want to save my children.I am living with my children for 10 yrs.I do not want him to use my children for his dirty work.I am trying hard but I do not have much power.That makes me angry and depressed.I will not forgive myself because I made a wrong marriage and had 2 innocent children from that man,and now the children are in danger.

How do I feel ;as Tony Soprano says ''Everyday is a gift from God to us''

And he replies:''I am joking''

Maybe that ex. makes somethings more clear!!!!

I am also a Hashimoto(thyroid disorder) patient and using meds regularly and having blood tests.

[Mark]

Kitty,

There's a lot going on right now in your life. Might be a good idea to simplify a little. Now might not be the best time to be putting pressure on yourself to look for a job, for instance.

It is part of depression to have difficulty with forgiving yourself. When you're feeling depressed, it is easy to be very judgmental towards yourself and put yourself down. A lot of times, however, it turns out that you (meaning "depressed people") are being too harsh with yourself, expecting things to be the case that just are unreasonable, that no person could live up to.

Mark

[kitty]

I slept for 8 hrs last night.I really feel better now.After doubling the meds my point of view about everything is beginning to change.My mind is more clear.I have nausea but I can do with it.Thanks Zoloft.

[nightfalls]

Hey kitty,

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, I hope that it continue's to improve for you. I also think better to mabe take more time to rest and wait a bit before starting a new job. When your meds are all fine tuned then you will be even more ready to work. take care.

[Guest ASchwartz]

It always amazes me how a solid night of uninterrupted sleep can be so refreshing that we see things from a whole new perspective on our lives the next day.

Allan

[kitty]

I am getting better,I can sleep and do housework.But still I cry a lot and feel depressed just 2 hours before taking the meds.I can not concentrate on anything and make silly mistakes,such as putting the credit card in the wrong slot etc.

Not being able to concentrate on anything makes me feel bad.Maybe because of meds(zoloft 50 mg) maybe depression.

I want my life back.I do not enjoy anything,I try knitting,I watch TV but simply do not enjoy doing anything.Bored of living.I want to go out and shout untill I lose my voice.

[sheryl]

hi,i'm a new member and have suffered with depression for years myself but have only just found out after i had my little girl and suffered with postnatal depression, i know what your going through with the depression i don't know what you've been through but you don't have to feel alone there are people around you that would like to help like me or that you can't live your hopes and dreams because you, can you don't have to feel that way, i was sexually abused and raped as a child and i understand your feelings that you want to kill yourself, just think about your children they need you, don't feel that it's your fault your not to blame.

[kitty]

Thank you Sheryl for your caring and supportive post.I hope we all get better.

[sheryl]

hi i hope so too how are you feeling?

[Proverbs31:28]

Hi, Kitty, I just wanted to tell you I have been on Zoloft off and on for 7 years and whenever I go back on or increase my dose I have the problem of confusing reality and dreams. In fact, last year when my doc increased my dose, I was convinced my brother had been involved in a serious DUI accident (he does not drink much less drink and drive) but nothing like that had ever happened. It was very very real to me. I just thought I'd share my story to let you know you are not alone.

[kitty]

Thanks for sharing your experience Lifeless.Now I feel better.It is good to know that I am not alone.

[Mark]

Kitty,

I'm glad to know you are feeling better. And, I'm also really glad that people have written about their experiences with depression and depression medications and that this information has helped you and encouraged you. This sort of thing is what the community is for.

Mark