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I just figured out my ritual.


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Last year I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Last year I thought I had a grip. I'm finding it easier to calm my initial indicator of my OCD, in which I joined this site under this particular problem (for right now I feel a little uncomfortable, so I will not discuss that problem), but another... deeper ritual has come into play. Something I've done for years... and never noticed. I guess it was so ingrained in my brain that I considered it normal, despite all reason.

I talk to myself. I don't hear voices, I'm lucid enough to know there is nobody on the other end of that conversation, and I don't even answer myself. However I will have full blown conversations with myself. This is how I write blogs, write on my book, come up with stats for my world... But I do it so incessantly lately that it is interfering with my home life, my work life, and probably my dating life. I don't know what to do. This ritual starts halfway through my shower. I speak a couple words, or I sing. After I get my clothes on, I rush out the door, and I talk to myself from the car ride to work, well into the shop until I notice somebody is there. I get to work, and given any opportunity I will find enough noise between me and my coworkers to finish this long discussion I wanted to have with myself. In the car I talk to myself the entire time.

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be concerned, but It seems I'm more wrapped up in these conversations than the world around me. I've made a note to speak to my therapist about this, but... can somebody help me out? I don't even know if I'm making sense...

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I have some tendency toward obsessive thought patterns too, Pseudonym. I remember the time I asked my H if his mind was always running with constant thoughts and he gave me this blank stare and said no. And all along I'd thought everyone did it. :) I'm so used to it now that it only causes me distress when I'm feeling anxious about something. It's then when all of the thoughts in my mind can take over and it becomes hard to function.

I'm not sure if that is what you are describing here or not, though. Are you thinking about a lot or are you actually asking yourself questions and answering them? It probably doesn't matter which, though, if it is shutting you out from the outside world. Do you take any specific steps to try and put this to a halt? I have some calming techniques. Listening to soft music and watching nature videos works best for me. Or sometimes I will just instruct my mind to stop and I put all of the thoughts into a little corner for later. You really don't want it interfering with your daily routine of enjoying life and relating with others. I think it would be a great idea to talk with your therapist about this. Maybe he/she can offer some advice that will be helpful to you in this.

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Are you thinking about a lot or are you actually asking yourself questions and answering them?

A little bit of column A, and a little bit column B. I honestly can start by asking questions, and it can elevate to a full blown conversation in which I am anticipating the responses.

I find watching shows helps, but I become lethargic if I watch too many shows.

What's concerning me lately is that I've been so wrapped up in the bad thoughts I'm obsessing on (like, I've had one date the past year, I'm having a lot of car and financial problems, my work life is slipping) and I'm focusing on them. If figure out the solution, then I think about it again and again and again. I can't stop obsessing.

My obsessions have been going up, and my compulsions, the ones that make me feel better at least, like organizing, cleaning, rhythms, have been diminishing.

I want to go on medication, but I'm afraid that with out my obsessive thought, I wouldn't figure out the complex intellectual challenges that I find so much pleasure in. I don't know what to do because my life is falling apart because I can't get a grip. My house hasn't been cleaned in two weeks and it looks like a hurricane went through it, I still haven't done my taxes, I haven't worked out lately, I'm slipping on my diet. I can't get a grip...

I don't know what to do anymore.

- Anonymous.

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