i don't know anymore

[useless]

please help me i am so low at the moment and i only see one way out iv had a lot of stress and pressure lately i suffer from chronic depression and i feel like its getting to much for me i went to therapy today and my therapist fell asleep during our session which made me feel even worse i just cant see a way out i haven't cut for 2 months now and all i feel like doing is digging into my arms just to take the edge off it all because if i cant release i know what will happen

[Calla]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. Thats terrible if your therapist feel asleep.

But please feel proud of yourself for not cutting for 2 months. I think that shows real strength.

Please talk some more on here. Sometimes writing things down can be a release.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Useless,

First, I am certain that you are not "useless," but, you just feel that way about yourself.

Second, I have been a therapist, licensed clinical social worker and certified psychoanalyst for thirty years and I must tell you: It is outrageous that your therapist fell asleep.

Fire this therapist and find someone else!!!

Also, are you on anti depressant medications? If yes, are you taking them as prescribed? If you have a psychiatrist, you should contact him and let him know how depressed you feel. Medications can be adjusted and, sometimes, adding a small amount of another medication, can really help.

Please, if you feel like you are going to hurt yourself, call 911 and ask them for help.

Also, feel anger at this loser therapist, and not at yourself.

Allan

[useless]

thank you for replying i really cant believe all this is happening i cant sack him because im under the NHS in the UK so i don't pay for treatment and i don't really want to complain about this as iv being see him for about 4 years now im under a lot of pressure at the moment im supposed to be going through ivf next month which i don't want to do but people are pressuring me to do it iv had to come off one of my antidepressants because of the treatment starting

and i just feel like im falling apart but still puting on a brave face on to others i am see my psychiatrist tomorrow on how im doing god i just need to get out of all this end it once and for all i just cant do it everything in my life is just one big failure

[useless]

and yes i do blame myself for my therapist falling a sleep :confused:

[Calla]

I'm in the UK and I know all about NHS and the problems involved in that. Is he generally good at other times? I suppose we have to alllow everyone an "off" day but even so...did he apologise after? You just must remember its a reflection on him and what ever was going on in his life, nothing to do with you. Do you feel confident in him normally?

Can I ask why people are pressuring you to have IVF? This sounds like a very personal choice to me.....if you're not comfortable it doesn't sound right.

Is your psychiatrist someone you can feel confident in? I'm sure if you think hard enough you can think of somethings in your life that are not failures......anything you can think of that you can share?

[useless]

no he didn't say sorry i just got up and said iv got to go i was in tears and as i left in the car i saw him outside looking for me but i just carried on i have no trust in the doctors i see so that makes it even harder to tell them how im feeling and i feel this time i don't want to be saved so i wont say anything to them because when i have in the past it has being complete panic stations so from my other experiences i wont tell them i don't even think i want to go tomorrow as there is no point no more and yes ivf is supposed to be my decision but it isn't i just feel like im being bullied into it i went through 2 years ago and it didnt work and the trauma of it all takes it toll so i just want out

[useless]

and there is not 1 positive thing that i have achieved in my life i just cant think of anything

[Calla]

I have posted quite a lot on here about my distrust of doctors. So i know what you mean.

But the way I see it you ended up here....and I'm so pleased you did. To me that says you are trying other options to help yourself. That takes presence of mind and strength.

I've never been through ivf but I have heard that it is one of the most stressful things someone can go through. So if you've already been through it and you're not really keen on doing it again please be gentle with yourself. Who do you feel is bullying you?

Ok so positives....lets think....not cutting for 2 months? Coming here and so being proactive to help yourself? Not saying rude words to a tired therapist?

It is hard to feel good about ourselves sometimes but I think you'd be surprised if you saw yourself through others eyes.

[Calla]

I totally agree with you. The problem is many of us can't afford it. I can't anywhere near afford it so what options are left?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Skynight and Calla,

I thought that in the UK there was medical and psychiatric and psychological help available at much lower costs? Being a "Yank :D" I am probably wrong about this. Can you clarify?

Allan:confused:

[hell2breakfast]

and there is not 1 positive thing that i have achieved in my life i just cant think of anything

Not one posititive thing? I bet you are wrong. It's the little things that make the difference in the world. Have you ever complimented someone or kept a child from danger?

Let me tell you a story (short version) when I was in first grade we were so poor I seldom had paper or pencil but my teacher Mrs Paschal, would give me a nickle and watch me cross the street to the store to buy a "Big Chief" writing tablet. she did this many many times without asking any questions about my folks, scolding me, etc.

And then there was the time she single out my drawing as a work of art.

I am quite sure she didn't think it was a big deal, but for me it was life changing. Its when I realised there were good people in the world and as a result of her kindness I became and am, a teacher myself in my own way...Dog Trainer for Petsmart and teaching basic psychology in fact-based suppot group (volunteer)

I am sure that Mrs Paschal never remembered me or the effect she had on my life. But I will never forget her.

You are NOT a loser and the first thjin you need to do is change your name to winner and start believing it (we are what we believe)

So...what do you think about my little (true) story?

[Luna-]

Useless

I am HORRIFIED that a therapist had the gall to fall asleep in a session AND THEN NOT EVEN APOLOGISE! This has absolutely nothing to do with you. Since you're in the NHS, I'd strongly advise you do this: Write a note that simple asks if you could please see a different therapist because <name> fell asleep during the session. That's all you need say. (What he did speaks for itself.) Putting it in writing is very powerful. If you only say it, then as it gets relayed it gets changed and there is no proof - but in writing it is undeniable. I can't think of a better reason for them to have to provide someone else! The other advantage is that you don't have to have a confrontation with anyone, you just hand over the letter. Or even post it.

And if it's written it is far more likely to get the guy hauled over the coals. And hopefully left in the middle for a bit. To roast. *evil look, grin* Feast yourself on that image. It'll be a wake-up call for him and he can in no way blame you - he just has no excuse.) Plus you'll be helping anyone else who may have this happen to them.

That is seriously appalling and must've been dreadful for you. Please do not allow the thought 'I'm so useless even the therapist falls asleep on me" - it's a depression-type thought and totally untrue. It is entirely his fault.

[useless]

hello thank you for your comments god i feel so ill over all this my mind is in complete overdrive iv being seeing this therapist for 4 years and i put my trust in him i respected him and now i feel so lost im just glad i didn't open up fully about how bad i was feeling and the mental torture of all this and everything else i just want to give up now im so tried of fighting these dark days and nights:(

[useless]

and you know what the worse thing about all this i have turned all the anger onto my self i have made myself believe this is all my fault and i feel a complete failure i will never trust anyone again i cant deal with all this

[Calla]

Firstly just to agree with skynight about the state of things in the uk...not great. As most people know I've never pursued help here because I don't see the point. But last year I was on the contraceptive pill and SOBBED for hours everyday. And I knew the pill was making me worse. When I tried to talk to the nurse (the first time I have ever opened up) she said "it's your circumstances, you'll be fine" I had left work to become self employed which was actually something I wanted to do and was happy about. In a similar vein but not quite the same I waited 4 months to see a physio for my shoulder problems and when I got there he gave me a paper with 2 stretches on....4 months for that and when I told someone they explained they had "real cases" to deal with. They are too overworked, understaffed here, in all areas. Another reason I don't pursue it. And I know someone who had some CBT with a private therapist. He said it was very good but was £90 a time (not sure of exchange rate!) and you are expected to go MINIMUM of once a week....I can't anywhere near afford that.

And useless (although I don't like calling you that because it's not true!) Do you think you can give him another chance? If not, which I understand, do you have other options. I agree that if you complain about what happened they should fast track you to see someone else....again i appreciate this is not easy. But like Luna said a strongly worded letter means you can do it without facing anyone. But whatever happens please remember this is NOT YOUR FAULT. And you have done such good things to get yourself better...that takes strength, so please don't give up.