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this time i need help....


confusedmama
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I'm so used to talking about raiven...I don't even know if this is actually rearing its head again or if I'm just depressed.....ill explain.

When I was 13 my parents hospitalized me because of depression and suicide attempts. I was diagnoised as manic depressive and put on paxil. I did fine for many years. I stayed on paxil til I was 17. I've had bout of depression since then but nothing extreme.

Lately, I find myself have severe mood swings. I am happy one day and so depressed I just wanna sleep all day for the next week. Tonight is a bad night. I can't stop crying, I snap at everyone. I keep thinking such negative things. Insane things. Like how much better my kids would be if I was gone. I know that's nonsense....I think.

In the past I've also been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I find myself recently having problems being in public. I can't handle even going to walmart! Everything is dirty and germy. I can't figure out if this is normal depression cuz of everything I'm dealing with or if its more serious. I just feel....worthless....and hopeless....and dumb...

I like coming here. I feel calm when I can respond to other ppls problems and in some way offer advice. But 2day I don't feel I belong. Like I have no right to respond to other ppl.

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c-mama, do you have help for yourself? Are you in therapy, are you on medication? You're dealing with a major load, especially in the last few months and it's not surprising that you are taking strain. I'm glad you feel good coming here, I feel the same. But "belonging" is not dependant on being able to respond, you know. Sometimes we just can't. Your own emotional tank needs filling now.

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No, I'm not currently on medication or in treatment. I don't have much of a support system either. My parents live 1500 miles away, the friends I thought I had all but vanished when things started going downhill with raiven. I'm not fond of my primary dr. I do still have some medication from about 6 months ago when my anxiety got a bit out of control. Mit something or another.

I have a hard time falling asleep anymore. I just don't know what to do. Right now I'm not much good to anyone, especially raiven. Its an empty feeling.....

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Hi CondfusedMama, You do sound like you probably suffering from depression. I do as well and many of the symptoms you describe are very familiar. I suggest you see your doctor again, and if you don't like him/her then find another one... it's important because you've got a lot going and you need to be as well as possible.

It's nice to have you here and there are no expectations. Is there any way you can find a support group, or take a parenting class, or something that would help you deal with Raiven? I raised two daughters on my own and my oldest was a handful. I spent a lot of time crying and unsure what to do next because I had nobody to give me perspective. Over the years I took parenting classes and I found them very helpful in reinforcing what I was doing right and giving me ideas on what I was doing wrong. They can be found through community resource groups, family services. Do you think that could be helpful?

Hope you have a good day today!

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Thanks symora and luna, for responding. My primary dr prescribed them to me. But he and I don't get along well but we have been dealing with each other for about 6 years so he knows my background.

I'm not really sure where to turn. I'm thinking about going to a local place that deals with therapy and such. Maybe I just need someone to vent to. Somethings has to give because my anger is becoming out of control.

And to top it off my spinal stenosis is acting up horribly. Uuugh. Can't I just....fall asleep and stay that way?

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