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Is she a friend?


sadgreeneyes
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I have a childhood friend but the latest 10 years we have grown apart, I was married that time and after I divorced she found a man and got kids. We haven´t talked very much in these 10 years. She was very much with another friend and her brothers girlfriend, they are 3 couples and all of them have now man and kids.

My question is is she a friend or good friend? because we never talk and see each other, she only call me when she has birthday or when she/ her man or her friends are gonna celebrate something, so it always ends up in me giving and giving gifts every year. I never celebrate my birthday as I don´t have any close family, kids or anything. And because we have grown apart. Its not the same anymore. And when we talk there are no life and fun, its very quite and its always me who try to keep conversation or tell stuff. And someone told me be careful what you say to them because they like to talk. And after they got their house they did become very "high up there", saying oh yes this we got and this we have...you know sending out invitation to people where they wrote that at least they like the food they would have as " if others don´t like the food well sorry for them"..its little ridiculous i think.

I do think myself a good friend would be with me and not only have time to call when she has birthday and so on??? I am not so into the friendship myself either because she can never leave the house and we can never do anything together outside her home.

If I called someone just when I have birthday I would feel ashamed of myself because I knew I would not be that good friend. I know she is busy but anyway. Does this make "me" bad person if I don´t go? Because its only two times in the year we see each other, on her birthday and to deliver each other christmas gifts, but that is all.

I don´t want to be important only when they have something private to celebrate and I never celebrate anything myself.:confused:

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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I find that is sometimes the only way we keep in touch with people, for celebrations. Now in my extended family, the only time we see each other it's when there is a marriage or a funeral, or an anniversary, or a big birthday. It's an excuse to invite people over you haven't seen for a while and have a party. I don't think it says anything negative about the person.

My thing is that when I don't see people very often I tend not to want to go because I am uncomfortable, I feel sort of out of the loop, an bit of an outsider, especially if they are couples and I'm not. I guess that's my fault because I don't ensure ongoing contact ... I'm so bad for that. I don't like the phone, so I loose sight of people because we are all so disconnected by distance. As least with things like facebook or e-mails, sometimes we forward each other messages or pictures.

Is there a reason why you don't want to go the party this time?

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Symora, thank you for writing me, I feel exactly like you do, I don´t want to go because we are not on same level anymore, and they are couples and its only couple talk with their kids, I feel like an outsider and that I don´t fit in or belong there, its not my thing. I don´t know how to feel about not going. Its not easy to tell someone all the time I can not go ( I have done that only one time), but I don´t know what to do. I am so lost there and feel like you, very uncomfortable. I am thinking I only want to go, the party to be fast over, its boring to me as their "talk" is on totally other level.

Does it make me bad person for not going? how can I tell someone I am not coming, I would feel bad and I didn´t take the phone when she rang tonight:( I know she will ask and I don´t know what to say:confused:

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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Guest GingerSnap

Being older, I have grown apart from many friends as our lives evolve and take a different shape. Every once in awhile we email or call and fondly catch up - we still care about one another. She probably thinks of you and is trying to include you in the parties/celebrations realizing that she has, for the most part, left you out of her life - no reflection on you, people just move on when their circumstances change. It is just pretty much how life works.

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sorry you are feeling lonely. It doesn't sound like she is a GREAT friend, but she is probably your friend on some level.

In life (after 64 years) I have found that we use each other all the time, If we didn't we would be all alone in the world. If you refuse to use others (be a user) or refuse to be used by others (be used) there is no one left to relate to. However If she is using you more than you are using her its not fair to you and you should start using her more, or TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. Or maybe just get a new friend. Good luck.

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