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Angry with my Husband


Greenmama
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Hey there...I have posted in three forums tonight. I guess I have a lot on my mind!!! i feel like I can post here, anonamously and be truthful where in real life it's harder to do that.

I am feeling anger towards my husband. For a little history, we have never even been in a fight in the ten years we've been together. We are passionate, laugh, and I would consider him my best friend. I love with with all my soul, but I feel hurt and it makes me angry.

I have been out of the hospital (self admitted) for 21 days now. The night I got home, he left for a night away from me. The following weekend, he left again for a weekend away from me. Fine...he needed space.

Out of nowhere, the day after I got out of the hospital, he asked for a divorce. He said we will never work out together. He said me and him, just won't work. Well, he saw a lawyer, I saw a lawyer and after his 2nd weekend away, he decided we can work it out, for the kids.

I am angry now. After being scared crapless that he would make me leave my home, and try and take my kids from me. That I would lose everything that matters to me, because I have mental health issues. Im not sure what changed his mind, but it changed. I am blessed in that way, he wants to make it work with me, but it doesn't take away the hurt, which is now leading to anger.

Since then, I have felt like I'm on thin ice. With everyone. I have felt mostly blah from the meds, but the last few days I have felt angry. I guess at least I can still feel feelings.

Why wasn't he there for me when I needed him most? To reassure me he would be there for me, no matter what. I know I was miserable to live with for awhile, and did some hurtful things to my family...nothing abusive, but I was pretty far out there until the hospitalization. I am angry because I feel like if I slip up, Im out. I am angry because I feel like he is keeping the divorce papers he had drawn up as a scape goat. Yes, he still has them, he says they mean nothing - they are insignificant. To me they are very significant.

I am angry he hid all my credit cards. I know I screwed up financially, but it makes me mad. I am angry his mother treats me like a lepar now. I am angry angry angry. And I can't express my anger for fear of being booted.

Grrr.....the vent helped. Sort of.

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I've heard that anger is hurt turned upside down... I can see why you would feel hurt, that was a big thing that happened, for both of you, and it turned your world upside down for awhile. I personally pull away and threathen to leave when I am scared. I act all huffy and I push away, because I am afraid I can't make it work, basically it comes from a place of fear on my part.

Have the two of you been able to talk about it all, a long easy talk about all that transpired, the feelings it raised, all that stuff that sometimes takes some time to process before being able to look back at it and understand what really happened?

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