flat_affect Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 Hi folks,I've been a depressive my whole life. I had my first hospitalization when I was 8. I've cut, withdrawn, run away and attempted suicide. Depression, as a diagnosis, has never been in doubt. Over the last few years I've been locked into a pretty tight yearly cycle of bleak, black depression and okay-ness. Today I felt the depression starting to lift (it's a very distinct feeling, like waking up on the morning after your last exam). I've felt good and buddingly confident all day. Tonight I called a friend to talk about some thoughts I'd had regarding my cycle and my meds. I was feeling happy and excited over some discoveries I felt I'd made about myself. His first and strongest reaction was "hey, you seem very 'animated' today". He said he wished he could be there with me to provide an anchor. I had to reassure him that all I planned for tonight was the end of my Silver Surfer movie and bed.This all fed into a question I've had for a while. I've been through all these diagnostic sessions when I've been blackly depressed. In each case they've said "Well, you don't seem manic to me". But, how would they know? I was depressed. What if what I think of as being happy and functioning on all four wheels is really a manic state? How can I tell? I already have a big problem because I'm afraid to start anything new because I know my depression will just come along and stomp on it. What if I con't trust the good times either?How can I know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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