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Could I be a pedophile?


confusedboy16
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Here we go again!

I'm worried about being a pedophile - I can't STOP thinking about it. Everyday. It'a making me really anxious.

I keep thinking I am one. I don't want to be around children, or in any situations involving children.

I live with my two year old cousin, and I don't want to be around him. But, it's like I'm sexually attracted to him. If he would sit on me because -- on certain occasions -- I would get an arrrection, but wouldn't feel anything for it, I wouldn't want to act on any urges. Also, I've never looked up CP, or never masturabated over a child. I'm 16, BTW. I did once masturbate over an 11 year old, around two years ago, does this make me a pedophile? I'm so confused again, I really don't want to be one. It's really scaring me this time. I want all the thoughts to stop. Also, when I'm out and about it's like my mind tells me to look at a child I see, but I don't want to. I get all sorts of thoughts. Some people say it's OCD, but I'm not too sure anymore.

Please, somebody, HELP ME!

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does this make me a pedophile?

Yes. Doesn't mean you have to exclusively be attracted to children (I'm not), but if there's some attraction, then there you go. It's not the end of the world.

Well, that's kind of a lie. It's pretty much the end of the world. Hope that helps some.

Edited by eNIGMA
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Hi. Since I haven't read any of your previous posts I have a few questions for you. Are you seeing a therapist? Have you talked to anyone about this? I know you must be feeling very scared.

No, not at the moment. I am waiting to see a psychologist, through the NHS. Yes, my mother. I'm very worried. I am feeling very scared. I don't want to be one!

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playing with youngsters I think only applies to those who are I guess a term would be "Practicing" pedophiles.

Unfortunate from what I have been reading in an attempt to figure out and understand myself in the hopes of controlling my urges you can be a pedophile with out enjoying these thoughts and urges.

Dude it might not be the end of the world it looks like. Get help to many people have this idea that we chose this F'ed up life. Do everything you can to stay away from unattended children even if you think it will never happen. If you start doing research on this you will find that their is a large population of pedophiles who have never acted out. It might help if their is someone you trust maybe your mom who you can talk to, I told my wife and although it has been a hurtle in our marriage we are making it through this.

Ask you therapist when you get one if he knows of any specialists. I am seeing one this month. I had my doc lower my labedo using high levels of Citalapram. and will hopefully be chemically castrated by mid next month.

Hope this helps

Clown with a :)

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Hello, confusedboy. How have you been? :)

I recall your being on the site some months back. I remember that you are a very polite young man. I also remember in the past that you had several different concerns. Maybe try and distract yourself from the intrusive thoughts.

What hobbies do you have? How has school been going?

Have you been seeing a therapist?

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Hello, confusedboy. How have you been? :(

I recall your being on the site some months back. I remember that you are a very polite young man. I also remember in the past that you had several different concerns. Maybe try and distract yourself from the intrusive thoughts.

What hobbies do you have? How has school been going?

Have you been seeing a therapist?

Hello again, Imra.

A few months ago, I was worried as well. But this time, it's for real! I actually think I am a pedophile. My mind is telling my I'm sexually attracted to children. I'm really confused at the moment. I have masturbated over children before, around the ages of 11-14. I am really concerned now. I feel if I am a pedophile, the best thing for me to do would be to kill myself. I cannot deal with this! It's hurting me.

As for hobbies, I currently have none. And I have just recently left school, and finished my GCSEs.

I am still waiting for the NHS to get back to me. They referred me to my local hospital, but I missed my appointment. I'm waiting for a letter.

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  • 1 month later...

Fantasizing over 11-14 year olds isn't paedophilia. They're pubescent. You're still a child yourself and your sexual interests are gonna be all over the place. It's more than likely you'll grow out of an interest in young adolescents as you leave adolescence yourself. When I was your age I was attracted to a couple of 12 year olds for a while. I'm 34 now and find anyone under the age of about 28 to be 'unshapely' (best word i could think of lol).

If you're particularly anxious a lot of the time that might have something to do with 'unusual' sexual interests. Masturbation can be a good stress reliever and maybe these 11-14 years olds that you're interested in represent something that your 'not fully developed sexuality' is reaching out to ... just a thought.

It's great that you want to talk about it though, especially with a pro at the NHS. If you're concerned about it, get it out in the semi-open (that means with the right crowd lol).

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By the sounds of things, considering your age, you're not a pedophile.

Here is why:

"I would get an arrrection, but wouldn't feel anything for it"

So you get an errection, but you don't feel sexual? It's the feeling sexual part which is important. If you feel nothing for it, then I wouldn't think much of this.

"I did once masturbate over an 11 year old, around two years ago"

Irrelivant. At 14 you are too young to be a pedophile. Definition says you must be at least 16, and the person under question must be at least 5 years younger than you. (quoted from wikipedia)

And fantasizing over a 14 year old aged 16 isn't pedophlia at all. I've read the autobiographies of Anthony Keidis (Red hot Chilli Peppers) and Jimmy Page (led Zeppellin) and both actually had sexual intercourse with a 14 year old during there 20's. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's acceptable, I'm just ssaying, 14 year olds can look very adult, and I would not say a 16 year old mb over a 14 year old sounds even remotely disturbing imo. I new people dating 14 year olds when i was your age

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I doubt you are a paedophile, you're too young for sexuality to become so absolutely clear. When I was 15 I still got erections thinking about a girl I fancied when I was in Year 6, it's a totally normal thing and sexuality is so fluid, if you find that in 5 years time you're still thinking about people half your age you'll still be able to find people your own age attractive, nothing is black and white. Gay men can be sexually attracted to women and straight women can be attracted to ducks, the label you attach to yourself is not absolute.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Fantasizing over 11-14 year olds isn't paedophilia. They're pubescent. You're still a child yourself and your sexual interests are gonna be all over the place. It's more than likely you'll grow out of an interest in young adolescents as you leave adolescence yourself. When I was your age I was attracted to a couple of 12 year olds for a while. I'm 34 now and find anyone under the age of about 28 to be 'unshapely' (best word i could think of lol).

If you're particularly anxious a lot of the time that might have something to do with 'unusual' sexual interests. Masturbation can be a good stress reliever and maybe these 11-14 years olds that you're interested in represent something that your 'not fully developed sexuality' is reaching out to ... just a thought.

It's great that you want to talk about it though, especially with a pro at the NHS. If you're concerned about it, get it out in the semi-open (that means with the right crowd lol).

Silentmist,

Thank you for your response. Sorry I have taken this long to reply. Thing is, I still think I am attracted. It was only yesterday I was watching a programme on BBC 1 about boys. I found one attractive. I'm so confused at the moment. I feel so depressed. It's really upsetting me. I don't want to be a pedo. I'm worried about going out. Is this normal? It's like I want to go out and see children!

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Silentmist,

Thank you for your response. Sorry I have taken this long to reply. Thing is, I still think I am attracted. It was only yesterday I was watching a programme on BBC 1 about boys. I found one attractive. I'm so confused at the moment. I feel so depressed. It's really upsetting me. I don't want to be a pedo. I'm worried about going out. Is this normal? It's like I want to go out and see children!

It's OK, I wasn't expecting a response. I'm not a frequent visitor to this site anyway. I think it would be a bad idea to embellish this sexual interest in boys you're going through. Trust me, you don't want to go down that road. You'll just end up getting extremely frustrated and angry as the boy can't return your affections due to being in a very different part of their lives to you and simply don't have the same feelings as you. You'd be damaging yourself as well as making the boy you were interested in extremely uncomfortable and scared and you don't want that. I certainly wouldn't approach a boy in order to interact with him, especially if it's motivated by an sexual attraction. If you're feeling compelled to approach children then you must talk to someone about those compulsions. When you do, it'll get easier to cope with them and make it more likely you'll grow out of them.

I don't know what being a Paedophile is, Paedophilia is a term to describe a sexual interest that people have, it's not who or what they are (despite what low brow reporters and journalists tell people to think).

When I had a sexual interest in those 12 year old's when I was slightly younger than you, a big part of the fantasy was about me being wanted. That's what sex is about, it's about two people who're sexually attracted to each other seeking each other out and coming together to do the most intimate act one can do. My fantasy projected a mindset onto those boys that didn't actually exist, I wasn't fantasizing about someone that was real, it was a fantasy. He was a fantasy. It couldn't be anything else.

Later, I met some girls and my fantasy life with those fictional boys just faded as I had sexual interests that were real due to the reciprocation ... infinitely better :)

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It's OK, I wasn't expecting a response. I'm not a frequent visitor to this site anyway. I think it would be a bad idea to embellish this sexual interest in boys you're going through. Trust me, you don't want to go down that road. You'll just end up getting extremely frustrated and angry as the boy can't return your affections due to being in a very different part of their lives to you and simply don't have the same feelings as you. You'd be damaging yourself as well as making the boy you were interested in extremely uncomfortable and scared and you don't want that. I certainly wouldn't approach a boy in order to interact with him, especially if it's motivated by an sexual attraction. If you're feeling compelled to approach children then you must talk to someone about those compulsions. When you do, it'll get easier to cope with them and make it more likely you'll grow out of them.

I don't know what being a Paedophile is, Paedophilia is a term to describe a sexual interest that people have, it's not who or what they are (despite what low brow reporters and journalists tell people to think).

When I had a sexual interest in those 12 year old's when I was slightly younger than you, a big part of the fantasy was about me being wanted. That's what sex is about, it's about two people who're sexually attracted to each other seeking each other out and coming together to do the most intimate act one can do. My fantasy projected a mindset onto those boys that didn't actually exist, I wasn't fantasizing about someone that was real, it was a fantasy. He was a fantasy. It couldn't be anything else.

Later, I met some girls and my fantasy life with those fictional boys just faded as I had sexual interests that were real due to the reciprocation ... infinitely better :(

SilentMist,

Again, thank you for your response. Thing is, I have never had any desire to have sex with a child, infact, I've never had any desire to have sex with anyone: female, male, child. I'm extremely confused. If I am a "pedo" I also like adults. I can't explain it. I look at a child, say 12, and look at their feet. See, I have a foot fetish -- I know, I'm a freak -- but I don't look at anything else. I have obbsessed with being a pedophile before, a few months back, then it was a psychopath, everyone says it's OCD, but it's different now, I'm sure there's an actual attraction. I get scared about going out. It's like I know I'm going to get an errection over a child. I don't look for children. I just see people around. It's not in my head to "look for children". Sometimes I wonder if that person is a child, if I'm just over-anxious. I feel like I'm just lying to myself, like I can't admit I'm a pedo, but I truly don't know if I am. I know for sure that I'm scared, depressed, and worried. I've even felt suicidal.

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