My self injury experience...

[mscat]

Hello,

Self injury has been a in my life for over half my life. I've done this to myself off and on for years. AND suffered from an eating disorder for 8 of those yrs. Which became severe as well. right now, I am heavy. I have been either way too thin or too fat. I guess eating disorders can be a form of self injury too.

I do not cut much though . I si through burning. The burns are typically that of 2nd degree . However, I've severely burned myself too. The severe burns have caused the most damage. I've had many skin graphs and Hosptializations in the burn unit, in the last couple of years. i have lost mobility in one hand and wrist area , but, was told I may have lost my right hand .

When I do that kind of Self injury i am in such a state of despair and am disconnected from myself and around me. Then I just act upon it, i want to feel real or at least something other then numbness.

It starts with stress, and builds up from there. I now try and tell myself, that I can burn to the 2nd degree on my arm, and advoid the worse type of burning.

It has become too easy to SI, and unfortunately, I can tolerate more and more pain, in order to get the same results.

IT is quite like an emotional high afterwards . Even though it is temporary, the relief is great. I do not advocate any type of SI. Most people do not hurt themselves like this. I even feel quite different from what others experience from self injury. It is not the same for everyone.

I do not feel addicted either. But, have faced terrible consequences to my behavior.

I do not know if it makes a difference, however, i have been labeled as Borderline Personality Disorder, and Clinical Depreesion. I am on Full Disability because of all these things.

[Natalie]

Hi Mscat-

I would agree that for some (but not all) people, eating disorders are a form a self injury.

You are obviously in a lot of psychological pain- have you been involved in psychological or psychiatric treatment for this SI behavior (beyond hospitalizations for the injuries)? Has anything worked to decrease your behavior?

[mscat]

Yes I have in the past , and currently recieving therapy+ a Psych. Doctor who has Prescribed medication.

I have actually been doing better lately . It usually starts out with stress, and builds up from there. The older I get, the harder it is for me to tolerate stress . I stay home home most of the time and sometimes, it is hard for me to get dressed, and clean up. That can go on for days.

I wish their was an answer to self injury and better ways for me to cope when things are too much, however, it is much too easy to turn to self injury. It helps me feel better at least for a while and the focus is on the physical damage that I cause, everything stops for that moment, when I've burned severely the skin turns black, which is that part of the body has died. i've only done this a few times .Usually the burning is at a second degree. However, the three times has left perm. damage.

I find myself, at times fighting the urge not to Self injure, and it takes strentgh not to.