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To leave or not to leave


Electrum
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I have a daughter with a guy I dated for about 5 years. Our daughter is 2. He's been abusive in the past and is extremely absent minded and supposedly bipolar. Even if he is bipolar, he likes to use that as an excuse for EVERYTHING and it gets really frustrating. (And for the record I'm familiar with that disease, but you have to admit it does seem to be overdiagnosed to say the least.) But anyway...

I left him a few months ago and recently came back. The main reason I came back was because of our daughter. He recieved full custody for reasons I still have problems understanding and accepting. I always worry about when she gets older how he's going to treat her, but that's a different post in a different forum I guess! Anyway, so here I am back at his place. I don't have a place to live at the moment so I've just been bouncing around places hardly seeing her at all, so that's why I did this.

I love being around my daughter 24/7 but I cannot stand him. I'm actually more concerned with how I'M acting than how he's acting. I've been an uber bitch for the past week or so and I don't even understand why I can't just try and be nice for the sake of peace.

I'm extremely irritable. Like, moreso than I've felt in a long long time. The thing that drives me completely bonkers is his absent mindedness. It also deeply concerns me for my daughter. He can't even do simple things like drive a car without the possibility of being very easily distracted. He also does things like give her a bottle that obviously hasn't been washed and has moldy milk stuck in it (I made the mistake of trusting him to wake up with her so I could sleep in). Like WTF how do you not see that!? It's like he has such trouble waking up that he might as well be mentally disabled in the mornings. And how is this man taking care of my child when I'm gone? It angers me so much.

And they had the nerve to say I don't take care of her! Gah! Anyway, I obviously have a lot of resentment. I'm not trying to make this relationship work. I'm just trying to co-exist for the time being.

Or am I just kidding myself? Should I just say 'eff it and just "let go and let god" as far as my daughter surviving. That's hard to do for sure, but I am going 'effing nut balls being around someone I genuinely cannot stand and even probably hate.

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Hi Electrum, welcome to the community :-)

That's a tough situation you're in... Has you boyfriend been officially diagnosed as bipolar? It's not easy to live with someone who is emotionally up and down, I've seen the tole it's taken on my relationships. Is there any way to challenge the custody thing, based on what you know of his ability to care for your daughter?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Electrum,

"For heavens sakes," how did he ever get full custody of your daughter???:mad:

Have you thought of returning to court with a new lawyer and trying to get that decision reversed? I mean, this guy is abusive!!

Allan:(

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I agree with Allan.. This does not seem like a safe situation for your daughter!! I can't even imagine the stress and worry you must be feeling for her!!

Could you go back to court? Do you need different representation? Why did the courts think you weren't taking care of her.

Please....only share what your are comfortable with.

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I'm not entirely sure why the friend of the court pushed for him having full custody I can only really guess. He had "sued" me for full custody and there was a nice little packet full of information trying to prove I was a bad mom. Some of it was true, some of it wasn't. (Things like addiction and working as a stripper, doesn't look good.) But I think the main reason was that I didn't have a secure place to live, but I'm not really sure.

Even with his bad past they still seemed to side with him. I almost wonder if it was discrimination based on my mental illness, but he was diagnosed bipolar so I'm not sure... I guess "psychosis" sounds scarier maybe. Who knows, the friend of the court just seems to be made up of ordinary people who may or may not have the best judgement.

I probably could challenge it. I'm just so sick and tired I don't know if I have it in me for a fight like that. I can't even get myself together lately.

Like today I'm feeling extremely low. There's really no way I can even think about a custody battle without wanting to just blow my head off. I might be able to better talk about it once I'm feeling better but for the time being I just wanted to acknowledge the responses I've had.

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I think in a couple days I'm going to go back to my mothers for awhile to try and regroup myself. I'm not sure if it will help but it might. I just hate feeling like I'm living in a lie here. I don't think I've fully expressed to him that I'm not trying to salvage our relationship. I also worry how he'd react if I did try to have a conversation like that with him.

I'll tell him to keep his phone by his head so I can call him in the mornings to make sure he's up with the baby. That's really the only thing I can think of. And I can try and make sure the place is spotless before I leave.

My major decision is about going to college. My dad works at a college that would give me free tuition if I decide to attend before I'm 30. But the college is an hour away, thus making it even more difficult with the situation. But I feel extremely pressured about this. My dad expects me to get my degree especially since it's such a great oppurtunity, but I am not so sure that it's a good idea to be an hour away from my child for so many days out of the week (assuming I could even find transportation back and forth without having to get a crappy job first and obtaining some used vehicle, however long that would take). Uhg! I'm so stressed about that decision. I'm 26 so I have just enough time to finish a degree if I start going, but it's just such a stressful and tough decision. I feel like I have to choose between career and family and that just makes me go crazy!

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