no way out

[ladykay]

My name is Kathy, I am 42, I have been married for 23 years to a loving husband and I have 2 grown children in college. So far so good. 5 years ago my mother and my stepfather decided to by a peice of property in Tennessee. They told us they would give us a peice and we could put a home on it. They bought it as an investment. A year later they decided to sell there home in Florida and move next door. So far still ok. This is where the problem comes in. Since the day they bought the property we, me and my family have worked hard to clear the land and do anything that they requested. To this day we have never received title to the land under our home.

They have held it over our heads and used it like a power thing. Our friends are not allowed on the property to come to our home. I am not talking about wild crazy people, just regular hard working people. My stepfather has turned so bitter I can not deal with him anymore. Both my mother and my step-father treat my husband like dirt. My husband is a hard working self employed roofer that works 6 days a week and has a very good rep in the community for the man that he is. We all spend as much time as we can taking care of whatever needs to be done around here, but it is never enough. The property is perfectly groomed. My son was recently told that he has hep c, not because he does drugs, but because he was playing basketball one night and dove for the ball, fell and came up with a needle in the back of his arm. They don't think it is a big deal and when he is tierd and sick he should be out working on the perfect property. My son doesn't have insurance so the only thing we can do is try to keep his numbers down to keep the damage as low as possible.

My stepfather is verbaly abusing my mother and the are both getting drunk every night. The have hurt me and my family so many times by the things the have done and said, most of the time when they are drunk. My mother is 72 years old and getting very frail, I don't know if it is alzimers setting in or Vodka for which she hides and drinks every night. I have tried going to my stepfather and talking to him about her heath, because she has falled and broken her face in five places and he just let her go to bed.

He told me it was none of my business and never to bring it up again. I can't sit back and watch her kill herself and watch him verbally and mentally abuse her. I have tried talking to her and letting her know that I was here for her, but she denies everythig. I wish I could just move away, but we have invested everything that we have in our home and I can't walk away. But I can't live like this anymore.:confused: Thank you for listening....

[mscat]

That is a very tough situation to be in. Since your family is not willing to listen to your concerns, or care about anything you say, I would personally distance myself away from them. They are not going to change their behaviors at this point in their lives. No way will they. It seems like they are certainly set on their ways, and do not care.

Back off and take care of your son & husband. Have limited contact with them if possible.

If it has to do with the property and your homr, then I would be a matter of fact, and that is it.

This is effecting you and making things stressful , and there is nothing your going to be able to do to stop them for behaving like that. It is unfortunate it has to be this way, but, they chose to live like that. It does not mean that you have to put up with it, or even be around them. I do not think it is advoiding the situation, rather you are protecting yourself and doing what is best for you, your son, and husband.

[ladykay]

The other night my mother called and was upset. yelling at me about why I won't come over there, why I don't like her husband, and saying that my kids never come over there to see her, They do go over there and show her love. She hung up on me and then my step father showed up at my door, walked in, Drunk I should add, got right up in my face screeming at me. I told him to get out of my house. He told me to get off of his property. My cousin was on the phone with me when he came in so she heard everything. She talked to my mother yesterday and my mother said that he never came over here. They also called my house ten times that night and left messages. I never answered the phone. I really don't know if she is lossing it completely or if she is liying. I know I need to talk to a lawyer. But I don't know what to do. I just hide in my house, but this is no way to live.

[synergy989]

I can't be much help but I can offer you this - my boss and i always shared stories and one day i asked him what he would do if he won the lottery and he said he wouldn't do much because he feels money destroys people - so then i asked what would you wish for in the world if you had one wish, thinking he would say something like a nice big house or car he said "good health". Then I realised, without good health - there is nothing and you can't put a price on your health. So if it means dropping everything a moving on - do it, take on some more debt is need be, try and get family and friends to help you get on your feet, but don't stay somewhere where you are putting your families and your health at risk.

I hope for the best either way

[ladykay]

I spoke with my lawyer the other day, he told me I have no recourse. My Mother and My Step Father can kick us off this land. That is so sad. I did everything for the right reasons. I never thought my own parents would turn on me like they have. Me and my husband thought we would be here for them in there old age to take care of them. We didn't think they would go drunk and crazy on us. Words of wisdom. Don't every do anything without a contract. Because it most likely will come back and bite you in the but.

I have been keeping to myself and not talking to them. I wrote a seven page letter of the things they have done, however I did not give it to them. I am afraid to now. Because I can't pick my house up and move. But It did feel good to write the letter and get it all out. My father lives in the Chicago area, and he has cancer. I should be there with him, but I can't leave my family in this situation. I try to go there for two weeks twice a year to see him and take care of him. But I know it's not enough. I wish I could win the lottery. Then money would not be a problem. I have never been a greedy person. As long as I have my bills paid and we are happy, that is all that matters. I would never stab someone in the back to further myself. I look around and that is all I see. That is so sad. By the way I told my Step Father along time ago what he could do with his will. I didn't want nothing. I will hold my head up and be proud. But I will not groval. Have a good day everyone. And Always remember tomorrow is another day. And Remember to take a moment out of your day to thank the lord for what you do have.

[kaudio]

Hello LadyKay, your situation certainly does seem difficult to say the least. From what I can tell, this relationship does not have mutual respect and cooperation; instead, this relationship seems to be where one side dominates the other. If you indeed have no recourse for your home, then perhaps it's best to make arrangements to take hold of the last stick your mother and step-father are holding over your heads – namely property and your lack of. Set up a plan and seek some information from your bank on buying a property you can call yours. I'm sure it hurts to even think about this, especially considering your intentions for staying close to your parents to help them in their old age and all you have done already, but relationships should generally satisfy a need in some way rather than draw from one.

Also, I don't believe this is walking away as you can always choose a place in the same city and continue your efforts from a greater distance, but moving away gives you and your family a little more freedom. At this time you cannot invite friends into your home; your mother and step-father disrespect and mistreat your family; and you cannot even plan a trip abroad to see your father without considering what they may do. Perhaps if you decided to tolerate the way your mother and step-father treat you and wish to continue helping them I would not suggest this much; but your posts suggest you are suffering and you are of the opinion that the circumstances are no longer tolerable. I wish to tell you I agree with you wholeheartedly that some sort of plan must be carried out so that you can take care of your basic needs again and control when and how your family comes in contact with your parents.