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one of my children pokes fun at me


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when i wasnt seeking help, my oldest (18) was ok with just blaming me for all the fighting, now that im getting help, he calls me psycho. at first this hurt, but my counselor has told me to tell him it hurts my feelings and i would appreciate it if you would not say things like that. i havent gotten the strength to say it yet, but soon will. my 16 yr old understands and is very happy i am getting help. maybe the oldest is just testing me? or maybe he truly thinks im psyco....i dont know, all i know is i know im doing the right thing by getting help and ive really got to watch my anger to the oldest. sometimes i just want to knock the crap out of him. my counselor said he could come to my next session so she could explain what is going on, but he refused. dunno why im writing all this but every mom knows it hurts when ur kid makes fun of you when your honestly trying to get help.

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Hey fraggie,

Hang in there. I got the same kind of thing when I was in therapy.

Some people just don't understand, and the criticism seems to be worse when it's a family member (spouse, child, parent, etc.).

You might try reminding your 18-year-old that YOU are the parent and HE is the child and you do NOT appreciate his criticisms.

When my 19-y-o got very bad with it I talked to my husband first and got his support and then invited the 19-y-o to find a new place to live. That seemed to cool him down for a little while and I do have to remind him occasionally that he doesn't have to be at home with us. I know that may sound harsh, but I didn't and don't feel that I should be supporting someone who isn't supportive of me!

Take care-


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  • 2 weeks later...
my counselor has told me to tell him it hurts my feelings and i would appreciate it if you would not say things like that. i havent gotten the strength to say it yet, but soon will.... sometimes i just want to knock the crap out of him.

I think confuzzed gave you great advice. Remember that you are the mother here, he the child. I quoted you because I firmly think you have the strength to tell your son that his words are unacceptable because you feel like "knocking the crap out of him." lol

Rather than hitting him, perhaps you need to help him understand that if he doesn't care to live with a "psycho," he is legally an adult and perhaps needs to find a more agreeable place to live for himself.


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Hi Fraggie, Parents can be such an embarrassment for teenagers can't they :P He is ignorant to the real world because he is young and arrogant still. My girlfriend who had had teenagers before I did gave me the best advice - don't take anything he/she says personally or you will go mad! And she was right. My oldest was so harsh as a teenager, blaming me for everything under the sun, including not being a <normal> mother and at times it rocked me because I was insecure and would question myself. But when I look back I can see she was just trying to push my button because she knew exactly what they were :), and to manipulate me if she could to have things go her way.

Hang in there, he'll grow up and understand the world better one day, and when he has teenagers you can tell him <now you understand?> :cool:...

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  • 4 months later...

Yes, I think you have to do your son the favor of truly letting him know how you feel. Right now he's throwing around insults, not taking responsibility for his cruelty, and as a parent you must make sure he learns that words hurt! It will not stand him in good stead in life to go about hurling insults at people he loves.

Ultimately I think he will come to appreciate your honesty, though it may take some time.

I see him also as being confused and afraid that you aren't "normal" (I don't know your situation, but mine is a Personality Disorder). He obviously doesn't know how to deal with this. Seeing your therapist together might be great for that, tell him you need his help.

Lastly, please don't let your pride get the best of you. It's okay if your son sees you as less than perfect. He'll get over it, it's part of growing up! My own mother has issues, and will not deign to discuss them with me. I'm 20 years past my own teen-hood, but I remember my feelings then, well. Now I'm a mother of a tween, and know I'll have to deal with this same issue or similar some-day. I know that was all jumbled, but I hope it makes some kind of sense!

Anyway, I wish you good luck!


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