mrsdz Posted August 30, 2008 Report Share Posted August 30, 2008 I have never seeked treatment or spoken to someone in the medical field concerning issues I have been having for many years now. As I sit back and look I Have gotten worse to the point I feel very lost and alone. About six years ago I was in a pretty bad 3 car accident resulting in the death of one of the drivers that crashed into me. Knowing that it was not my fault I persisted in blaming myself for a couple years. I had blacked out about 10 minutes leading up to the accident but remember everything during it. Replaying it over and over in my mind in slow motion every aspect of it. I had dreams of this accident, I could not sleep sometimes for days with nothing but the accident in mind, I had suicidal thoughts, I had began speaking to myself as if I were speaking to people in or there that night, such as family police doctors ect... A family member spoke to her doctor about me and he said to seek help for post traumatic stress disorder. I never did seek help for this I did not feel at the time I needed it. I thought it would pass. As I began to get better the slightest things would trigger flashbacks, being in a car and seeing a light, smells, certain words, trying to do things that I was able to do before the accident but no longer could due to injuries. I also had a pounding heart as if there was someone squeezing my heart in their hand and my upper stomach. I stopped going out alltogether and talking to most people. All this went on for about 2 years.I then began to get better. The accident was not on my mind all the time as it did before, I stopped conversating with myself, the dreams faded, I was going out of the house and driving again. I would still get flashbacks and think about the accident but was never myself to the fullest again. After about 3 years of feeling mostly back to myself. Now for the last 3 years I have been gradually getting worse again with different symptoms. I have not driven in over a year and a half. I began developing many fears. I am afraid of loved ones getting into a car wreck or something else happening to them. I do not go outside often due to fear of someone trying to talk to me as they pass by the house. I screen all my calls, if I do not recognize the number I will not answer it then I spend the next so many hours calling all over to make sure my loved ones are safe. I am afraid to go shopping or do anything outside the house unless someone I can trust is with me. I go to great lengths to avoid contact with the world outside (outside my house). I try my best to not deal with anyone I have not known for a long time. I do not like any visitors except for a select few people. I used to have days I would wake up and be able to make phone calls without an issue or go places but now those days seem to be fading deeper into the past almost non existant. I have issues falling asleep. I cry for no reason or for reasons only I can understand. I am getting worse as far as irritability goes. My chest and upper stomach are feeling the pressure I spoke of before but this time it is there 3/4 of the time I am awake and much more intense. If something bad happens or someone says something that doesn't sit well with me that is what I think about non stop until something else happens. I have no energy or ambition anymore, everything seems so hopeless, I feel hopeless lost and alone. I have difficulties in making decisions, therefor I am very dependant on others. For years my husband has been telling me to seek treatment but had no recollection of my thoughts other than I did not drive and felt more comfortable in our home. I most recently have been telling my husband some of my thoughts. He has been calling around different mental health offices trying to get me help with no success, when they find out the insurance I have they say they can not help. I am embarrassed and ashamed which is why I never have went in for help, even though I need it.My question here is does anyone know what this is or might be? I have checked out mental disorders on the website but have difficulty in defining just one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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