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Ok ok, this is the end...

Guy Out There

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It's not a good sign that someone so new to this forum has to post so urgently but there have been some events today that have just caused me to reach the end of my threashold.

If you didn't know already i suffer a condition called mythomania, it means i lie all the time and manipulate everybody around me without realising it and it often leads to negative consequences which it has done once again today, this time though i really can't take it.

I told a series of lies to a number of people without realising that i was lying till about half way through, rather than admit i'd been lying i just carried on with the story and to cut short i got 3 colleagues arrested.

I hate myself, i can't take it, i just can't face the punishment, i can take hurt to myself but to get 3 people arrested, i know they will be free without charge because they are innocent but i am not, i need to die so i can hurt no more.

I don't know why i'm even posting here, i guess because writing is the only way i can guarentee the truth and because truthfully deep down i don't want to go but i couldn't face prison, i'd be served punishment far worse the the pain of death.

My death would not go unnoticed but people wouldn't care, nobody cares about me and that leaves me with no reason to be here, what other options do i have? Therapy doesn't work for me, read my first post on the forum if you don't believe me! Also if i call a hospital i'll be sectioned (UK) and that has all sorts of hidden consequences that would ruin any chance of a life after recovery.

All goodbyes for a stranger are welcome, also advice is welcome but i doubt you'll have any other than 'good luck in the next life Jack'.

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Hey, you don't need to die Jack trust me. There is always hope and an answer somewhere. I'm not going to pretend its easy. But as people have said to me before death may seem less painful but it's a full stop. A great quote "this too will pass" death will not pass though,

Talk to me. I'm Uk too. If you feel that bad you have to call for help, they will not section you if you ask for help. Where are you know? At home?

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Hi Calla,

The trouble is i can't see any hope right now, you have to see it to believe it. I'm at home trying my best to distract myself from writing a suicide plan by posting here and reading the positives.

A full stop seems like an attractive option right now, maybe it would give people chance to breath instead of having me shoving bulls|t down their throats.

I do trust you and i hate to say this but the law clearly states if one is feeling suicidal and a health worker (eg hospital) realise this, they must detain the person for their own saftey and have the right to force them to take medication, i wish it were that simple.

Thank you for your kind words.

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Ok, I guess it depends what you say when you ask for help. I'm not really an expert as I'm too useless to ask myself....as many of my threads show!! But hey, thats why I;m here.

Do you have times when things are ok? Or even relatively good? Your job is sounding stressful. You do anything to relax? Hobbies?

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Sure there are times when things are ok, trouble is they are short lived and rare!

I hate to be constantly negative, my job is very stressfull, my mental health doesn't help when your under pressure all the time!

I do photography but the trouble is i just can't relax, i can't switch off, its like a pager in my head tells me i forgot to file some papers or then i'm feeling guilty about how i had to tell someone their pay has been cut, i've tried everything to relax but nothing so far has worked.

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