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Going to die anyway


Guy Out There
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Please help me guys, in any way you can!!

I'm dying, i can't even sleep right now because it keeps happening, these seizures they are so painful, i can't see a doctor because its nighttime here, will i even last the night, not if these keep coming.

For three days i've had them getting more and more each day, then midnight i have a seizure, its violent and it makes me ache so much inside, then i have another seizure, i cling to my bed for dear life as my body convulses rapidly, wanting to scream out in terror i plead with myself to stop yet this does not work.

After 30-40 seconds it goes away but leaves me out of breath and feeling like i just climbed a mountain, how much more of this pain can i take, not much and if i have 2 more seizures before i've seen a doctor i'll go and kill myself i tell you.

The pain is so much i can't take it, the fear its like an invisible killer not knowing when its going to strike it comes from inside you, please help me, i've lost control of my thoughts and my actions its so terrible i need help!!!

Goodbye

Edited by Guy Out There
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Once again it happens and once more i am in so much pain scarred, it feels like i've been stabbed by myself, what can i do???? End it all, no more pain, no more suffering, only peace. Standing on the edge, my mind is open and free at last, now it will be my body's choice to kill me, if it happens once more my body will be telling me it wants to die and i must follow its instruction surely.

Please help, give me another option, my mind is so confused and i don't want to die but i will. This is like a game of Russian roulette

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Thank you IrmaJean your kind words mean alot :) I closed my eyes and thought of all the good times of my life, i feel a little calmer now but still i feel so worried and so in pain in my mind and in my self.

I feel scarred and worthless, like even my own body has stopped caring for me, its saddening how only those who don't know me offer kind words, i hope i can find the courage to make the call before i do anything stupid.

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no matter what you are not wasting the doctors time. It's better you go and have it be nothing than not go and have it be something serious. Please don't worry about that!!!!! Take another deep breath....count to 10 and then make the call.... you can do this!!

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Thank you danni, i think i am feeling nearly ready, i will first call a helpline we have in the uk run by doctors who can give advice, if i need to go to the emergency room, they will call for me and have doctors to come and see me.

Thank you IrmaJean and danni for your support, i will update you on the situation as it progresses.

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Your life has value, Guy. Calling for help means you would be taking care of yourself. All of us need to do that. You're hurting and you need help right now. You have the courage to do this. Make that first step toward getting well again and ask for help. I hope you feel better soon, Guy.

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Thank you both so much, i'm off to make the call right now, the first step, i feel scared at what they will say and about what will happen or when the next seizue will be but i feel like i need to reach out for help so people can make me better.

Once again, thanks so much for listening and giving me strength !

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Ok guys i found the strength to make the call and spoke to a lovely woman who calmed me down and gave me some advice. She seems to think my problem needs investigating further and to contact my doctor when it is morning here, thats another 4 hours away when my doctor is available, i'm still scared, she said it could be something serious...

No convulsions now for an hour so thats good !!

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An update:

Went to see a doctor this morning and he doesn't think the convulsions were 'fits' as in epilepsy, thats good news however he doesn't know what the cause of the convulsions is and so he's sent me for more tests.

I'm feeling much better now guys, far from suicidal which is good, thanks for your support, it helped me though the night. :)

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Hi Allan,

I'm not sure if the doctor is sending me to a neurologist, so far he just did some practical tests and ruled out epilepsy, he doesn't know what it could be so he also sent for a blood count (to rule out possible bacteria/viral infection etc)

If that returns nothing then i will request to see a neurologist if he doesn't send me.

Take Care, Jack [Guy] :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
I was just reading these earlier episodes now. Were you ever seen by a neurologist?

I was never seen by a neurologist, instead i was given the diagnosis of bipolar, told that i would have to wait for treatment and to see a specialist.

I went to the doctor and he decided i was a more urgent case, he called the specialists and they just told me to wait.

I was due for an MRI scan (scanning for brain tumors i think), but that got cancelled by the hospital and a further appointment was never made.

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