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Interesting ways to die...


Guy Out There
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Apologies for another extremely 'inappropriate' thread. I'm afraid i have rather violent mood swings and i get carried away on a wave of intense depression leaving me helpless and suicidal. An hour later, a day later, maybe a few days later i explode. Weird...

Feel free to delete this if you feel the need, I'm sorry for this behavior if you need to ban me from posting in this section i understand but I'm trying to get help, just lots of people ahead of me on the waiting list. Should have told the doctor the full extent of my problems instead of playing it down. :(

Edited by Guy Out There
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No need to feel sorry for the way you feel ... you feel what you feel and that's OK, except for the not liking it part of course :(

I do understand what you mean. You sound manic depressive / bipolar Guy, the moods swing are so sudden and so violent in their impact. Are you on medication? I think you need to be since this is not something you can control with willpower.... it's obvious you're trying but it's just not doing the trick...

I too used to have a tendence to downplay how I felt, because others had real mental health problems, not me. My family did not understand either and I was very much judged for it. At one point I thought it literally would make it insane I was so confused and distraught. Then I found the right medication, after 25 years of suffering, and it changed my life. There is life ahead, keep telling yourself that....

Edited by Symora
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Thank you Symora, i'm not currently on medication (Still waiting for any kind of treatment !), i have tried to use my willpower and this has been little use other than to stop myself from going 'too far' when i'm very depressed, it doesn't help with the manic explosions, twice i've been close to being arrested because of them. I'm sorry you have had to suffer Symora but you should remember your words are an inspiration to people like me, at last i think i can see hope through the mist...

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Truly Guy, there is hope. As long as there is breath there is hope. Depression is insidious, it gets into you like a mist indeed and infuses everything with despair and sadness. That is the disease. And then in the good stage it feels like one can lift a mountain. I too have always managed to stay away from the grimm reeper through sheer strength of character .... What is the system like in the UK? Here you would have go see a GP to begin with, or perhaps go to emergency at the hospital to get quick intervention...

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Well in the UK, to get help you either need to see your GP first, who can send you to a support group, psychotherapist etc. Or you could see a councilor who can also send you to further support. If you turned up at the emergency room at the UK hospital you would probably be sectioned under the mental health act, the last option is really if your feeling suicidal i think.

Psychotherapists provide the medication, GPs here don't like to prescribe medication for mental health issues, only physical health...

I will see my GP later today (its early morning here), and he might be able to fast track me so i can get help sooner...

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Hello Guy. I wanted to tell you that meds do help, so try and see your GP as soon as possible. Don't downplay how you are feeling Guy, because depression will always defeat any willpower you might have. I have been depressed for most of my life but only went to see a pdoc about a year ago. He prescribed pills for me to take and they have helped me.

Good luck with your doc. Let us know how it goes.

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Hello Guy. I wanted to tell you that meds do help, so try and see your GP as soon as possible. Don't downplay how you are feeling Guy, because depression will always defeat any willpower you might have. I have been depressed for most of my life but only went to see a pdoc about a year ago. He prescribed pills for me to take and they have helped me.

Good luck with your doc. Let us know how it goes.

Hi Endlessnight, i have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow so i will go and ask him for some meds until i can get to see a psychotherapist (long waiting list, my own fault since i played it right down i'm at the bottom of the list).

I will post an update after i've seen the doc, i'm glad the pills are working for you :P

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Hi guy out there. I was reading a while ago how you had quit your job in HR. I was kind of looking up to you and liked your sense of humor. I'm so sorry about the final diagnosis. :)

Is it difficult to get a good therapist in in the UK? Do you feel well connected with him/her? I think it is crucial you find someone who understands and cares about you right now.

Hi From The Moon, thanks for that reply! I did quit my job in HR, it was for the best though and i no longer regret it!

I will come to terms with the diagnosis in time, then i will be looking back and making jokes about my past :(

To find the therapist in the UK the easiest thing to do is visit your doctor (GP), they may refer you to other psycho therapists (pdoc etc).

I do agree with the last part of your post too, thank you for understanding too and i appreaciate your words more than you might think :)

Best Wishes, Jack

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Hi Guy. I just read your blog and although you sounded pretty upset at first i'm glad you calmed down enough to realise that at least you are getting help now and are not on your own. For many people, just knowing that something is being done can be a big relief.:)

I hope things improve for you and that you can find a job that you are happy doing. Take care.

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Hello Guy,

It sounds as if you've been struggling with things for a while. Now, you have a label for that struggle. I've noticed that some people find having a label to be an enormous relief -- it seems to return a sense of personal power to them and a means of validating their experience. Other people don't like the label at all -- they find it disempowering or invalidating.

You don't seem to like your label. I didn't particularly care for mine either so I came up with different labels I felt more comfortable with (i.e,: ego collapse, fragmentation crisis). There is some value in using the same labels as one another for the purpose of communicating about those particular states but we can always bring our preferred labels into the conversation as well. More to the point however, no matter what we call it, there comes a time when we may need help. You needed help and now, you've set some actions in motion that can get that ball rolling. That's the important thing.

My child's diagnosis incidentally is bipolar/schizoaffective. They felt okay about the first label and seem to have rejected the second one. They have also struggled to find the help that actually helped them. It's been a few years now and they are working, they are engaged, they are learning to make wise decisions for themself. They also chose to make use of medications because they identify it as something that helps them. In their case, they are using Depakote -- an anti-convulsant /mood-stabilizer, and a low dose of Seroquel -- an anti-psychotic medication.

We are also aware of the risks of the medication and for that reason, starting with the Seroquel, intend to attempt a slow withdrawal once they have a period of good stability under their feet.

Part of earning that stability has and will continue to include them gaining self-knowledge (i.e., they have discovered and seem to have finally accepted that marijuana will trigger mania in them, regardless of what it does for their friends) as well as learning alternate coping skills, such as channelling the intense energy of mania into productive activities (art, exercise, work), putting credit cards away, seeking out companionship when depressed, etc. They do say they haven't felt this good and this stable in a long time and that's exactly what we want to see treatment of whatever variety actually doing -- helping people.

At any rate, I would encourage you to seek out the labels you feel comfortable with and explore your treatment options. Remember that anything which authentically helps is a valid form of therapy. It can also help to remember that pain that has a purpose can be easier to bear. One form of pain relief that I found helpful was a brief meditation exercise known as tonglen. I've included some links so you can check it out for yourself and decide if it might be a useful tool for you as well.

Best of luck to you.

~ Namaste

See also:

- The Spirit of Tonglen

- The Practice of Tonglen

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Guest ASchwartz

I do not like labels either. The primary reason they are used is so that the correct medications can be prescribed and this affects the chronic mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc.

However, people are much more than some diagnosis. Do not label yourself with any of them. For example and as I have said before, a mental illness is something you may have, its not who you are. Don't say, "I am schizophrenic," say, "I have schizophrenia."

Allan

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