Building Relationships w/ Family

[Christie]

I've never really known how it feels to have a support system. I've had friends, but they don't have the mind of a depressed person (depressed people are supposedly in the greatest state of mind. Making decisions of life and death.) and were uncomfortable. I understood.

So what I what to know is, how do you build a relationship with your family?

And I know that is a pretty sad question, but...

Right now I am pretty close emotionally to my sister. Totally odd. Its taken me about a year and a half to get here. I'm close to my brother in the sense that we are geeks who are pretty funny and love to goof off.

My parents are a hard case. We have somewhat of a language barrier and we have a cultural brick wall. It gets a lot better when I do chores and the such. I'm not a bad kid. I'm not. They've hurt me in the past [telling me I was the source of the family problems, verbal and physical abuse, and neglect], but they are my parents. I want to have a good relationship with them.

So if anyone has any advice on building familial relationship, please reply.

Thanks,

Christie :cool:

[Symora]

Hi Christie, I think the key to getting to closer to family is getting closer to family No, I mean you have to stay in contact, be aware of what is going on in the other's life, help out when needed, support when needed, push them a little when they need it. I don't have that much with my sisters or parents either, but I have it with my kids, and the key for me is to talk with them regularly, stay concerned about what's happening in their life.

Do you have regular contact with you brother and sister?

[Christie]

Hey Symora.

Yes I have contact with my family. I forgot to leave out that I'm 15. I usually post it. I love with both parents and my sister. My brother is in college.

So is the gist that if I want them to be there for me, I have to be there for them to build it up until they "get to know me"?

I suppose it takes time.

I guess since my parents emotionally abused me forever, I'm looking for a sudden change of heart where they will apologize for everything, open up their arms and give me a big hug. I know that is absolutely ridiculous, but its one miracle I sure would appreciate.

[Symora]

I can understand that may be difficult. I had a similar situation around your age. My dad and I clashed a lot and he was terribly verbally, and sometimes physically abusive. And my mom always stood behind him so I was out there on my own so to speak. I think at your age you are starting to discover who you are, what you hold dear, what your values are, and sometimes that differs from what your parents are and stand for. This can of course cause problems in the relationship, and the more different your views are the harder it is to connect with your parents probably.

I say give it time, things do work out more as you get older, become more independant, and once you move out it usually gets even better because you miss each other.

As to your brother and sister, I think yeah, just keep up with what's going on with them, call your bro, give them little thoughtful things you know they will appreciate, be concerned. That is what loving someone is I think, being there and being kind.