Depressed looking for anwers

[k-cass]

I was diagnosed with MDD the summer after my freshman year, which is going to be 4 years this summer. I know that the thoughts that I had then were crazy but I never wanted to kill myself. But no one from the school, my family or doctors believed me when told them something was wrong, it was very frustrating. Now I'm on seroquel, cymbalta and trazadone (for sleep) but a thing that I'm realizing is that most of the time I'm at a pretty good place, BUT if something goes down it goes down hard and fast and it takes me a couple of days to get back up.

when I'm down i'm usually very angry and the thoughts of what went on goes round and round in my head. I just hate the feeling of being so angry it feels like a scary angry that no one as seen before.

K. Cass

[Buttons]

Hi k-cass,

I do understand how it feels when no one will listen, or beleive you. It is frustrating to feel alone. But here, you never will be. When you have a bad day, post in the forum. Everyone is so willing to listen and help out here.

Through psychotherapy, I have learned to try to deal with angry, circling thoughts through distraction. It took me some time to make it work, but now I know how to focus my anger on something else. Exercise is a good way to relieve anger. Some days I feel like I'm going to lose it, but half an hour of intense cardio snaps me back to reality.

If you ever feel alone, know that we are all here for you. When you feel ready, tell us a little more about yourself.

Take care,

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi K Cass,

It is true that medication alone won't do it. The idea is to be in psychotherapy and learn how to think better when frustrating things do happen.

Allan:)

[k-cass]

So this all started the summer before my sophomore year. During my freshman year I found out something was wrong with me. I didn't want to go out, make friends and I became very sequlded. I played soccer but was told I would never make a start becuase I was too short. So for most of my freshman year it was eat nothing for a week, eat a little for a week. I found a psychiatrist around the school that I was dorming at and everything got back to a fairly normal level. But I was on a lot of medication.

At the same time that this was going on I developed Chronic Daily Intractable migraines. So apart from being depressed, I got these headaches/migraines non stop until today and probably they don't seem to want to stop at this time. I'm an international Adoptie so I really have no family history, I do have a fraternal twin, that can sometimes treat me like durit.

Finally this year I decided to transfer. Both m y parents and I agreed that going to the ER more than twenty times from october to march is kind of insane i would go once a week at some point.. But I found a good doc at one of my ER visits, Dr.C. He used to work at jefferson which is a hospital with a pretty big neuro inpatient place.

The depression has been somewhat controlled in the couple of months. But there are times when people really make me mad, and at that point, I get thrown down a hill and roll fast to the bottom, if you will. No the biggest probelms I have are trying to control the depression and the migraines. there are so many drugs but some can make the depression worse while making the better, and the depression better and migraine worse.

I figured that things couldnt get much worse, but then I got diagnosed with latent tubercolosis. I can't give it to anyone and but am now finishing my 9 month drug theapy to make sure that if I get immunocomprised I won't develop the active form. There are a lot of drugs interacting which makes treating me a so confusing.

I guess I'm a medical mystery as one doc said, and falling apart as another doc put it.

Best.

Kate C.

[Luna-]

Hi k-cass

Have you been checked out neurologically with an EEG? There are forms of epilepsy where you don't have seizures but anger and headaches/migraines. Although I guess your doc has probably considered that already...

Welcome to the forum

[Symora]

Hi Kate, I'd also like to welcome you to the forum. It sounds like you have been through a lot in the last few years and it is normal that you are feeling at your best right now. We are to support and encourage you, so please come back when you feel you need to chat to someone