performer-uk Posted August 7, 2010 Report Share Posted August 7, 2010 So seems bouts of tiredness and depressive feelings were linked to a bit of an illness of mine. Had incredbile penis pains, urintating blood, and quite crippling adbominal pain too. Went in and they thought kidney stones and infection, but then blood tested and kidney functions were quite reduced, so kept in to see if this was temporary or permanent. Then they found with a high contrast scan it was diverticulitis of which one of the results was the tube to kidney was cut off, hence infection and pains etc. I may need surgery to correct whatever damage was caused (the bladder and intestine may be linked together now, and the bowel looks impacted etc).Anyway upshot from all of this. Every time a medical examination happened I was desperately hoping for my penis to avoid the exam. Right from the first suppository, to every time doctor came for rounds. It was interesting in hospital to see how despite the gravity of my sickness, I was still more worried about being embarrassed - thoughts in my head "yeah they are pros, but the second they see my penis they will all burst out laughing, and you may draw curtains on rounds, but yes everyone can still hear, and then I know they are bound by confidentiality but friends still talk to friends".Even going for the scans, Im thinking "those docs mst have scanned my penis too as part of it......will they be joking about me once Im gone" (the airport thread fixed firmly in my mind. Seeing some of the other guys on my ward with catheter thinking "the nurse has to check that every so often, the nurse may see my penis fuck sake NO........." and then a practical "in my penis big enough to take one of those things if I need it".Funnily enough things happened to me - compared to the other guys on the wards (some screaming and delusional because of their meds, others barely able to breathe without nebulisers, some immobile, all in extreme pain), I started to feel more grateful for what health I do have. I mean this in a very genuine and humbled way, like this worry I have all the time when these guys actually have very real problems seemed incredibly self indulgent and I felt quite guilty about it. Also, despite the health problems, those guys had plenty of visitors and plenty of people who cared and were getting on with it. Here is me constantly worried about something that never enters into the mind of alot of these guys - they are happy to live a while longer.And also, hospital has a way of making one less self concious. At first in the gown you think "oh is it open at the back, will someone see a glimpse of my backside", to a day or so later of thinking "I need the toilet, fine I'll walk past everyone naked"....just because you are in environment where everyone has more to worry about than how you look. A couple of times towards the end of my stay, I wasnt sure if I was naked or not in front of the pharmacy visitor or uroligist (both female) and I actually didnt care.Anyways I just hope not to need surgery, and hope that sharing some of this might be of interest and benefit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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