nstn2297 Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 Just a very brief history to help I guess as this has been a very long and complicated year. In April at the age of 39 I was diagnosed with BPD after overdosing twice in two weeks. Before this they thought I had Major Depression which I think is still there on my chart from my first stay in the local MH ward back in October last year. This past June I overdosed again and ended up in ICU for 2 days and 7 days on the MH ward. I have been on all kinds of meds but now I am only on 100 mg Celebex from my back and 10 mg Zopiclone to sleep. They took me off all the other meds when I ended up in the ICU. I have been in crisis twice since June but luckily I saw the warning signs and went to the ER where they kept me over night, basically safe from myself.Now to the problem. The last 3 weeks I feel I have been regressing. I don't feel like eating, I am loosing weight, my sleeping pills don't seem to be working as well, I am getting mild headaches, I feel like staying in bed most of the time, I have lost interest in my favorite past times... I know all signs of depression. I have been crying a lot and I basically hate my life. I am feeling abandoned by some of my heath care professionals since June. Maybe they are just scared as much as me that I might actually die the next time. I don't know but certian people are avoiding me. The suicidal thoughts although they never really left are back again and really bad. I even have a detailed plan and the means to carry them out. .... I know all signs of BPD. I get it, I do. But how do I get help?I haven't seen my pyschaitrist since June 2nd and my one attempt over a couple of days in July to make an appointment with her failed. There was no follow up on her part after my last overdose. After my last stay in the hospital the MH team made me switch therapists. They didn't ask or even consult me. The new therapist saw it wasn't working after two sessions and agreed with me that I should go back to my old therapist. I just got off a trial period with my old therapist who I trust and really like. I see him Friday.But in the mean time what do I do? I know if I am in crisis to go to the ER. I know that but what if freak out bad enough I can't get myself to safety or don't want to get myself to safety? Sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. Nothing I have tried in the last year has helped. I am just really scared of what I might do. I see the signs but what else more can I or anyone do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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