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Posted

What I am ... if anything....

I know already not making sense. I have been on a roller coaster ride with the mental health issues for ... I guess about 20 yrs.

First it was depression, then PTSD, then Bipolar and even one doc said Schizo ( the one from the hospital) ( paraniod)

Been on this med and that med... I often get tired of meds and quit taking them. I also have an alocohol problem.. so the meds probiably don't work right when I am drinking anyway ( at least that is what I heard)

Been off meds for about 6 mo now... Still drinking occasionally although trying to work on that .... ( DID real bad last week)

I find myself screaming at the top of my lungs ( not literally) that I am NOT bipolar... I just drink too much and do crazy things ( can ya use that word on this forum? some peeps get offended at that word) ......

Ok . I get drunk... I have taken probiably 4 overdoses in the past 6 months... ( Most of the physc meds won't kill ya ( I think)) the one I took .. don't know if I should name it just make me wish I was dead for about 4 days... took about 40 of them. Now I do THINK about suicide sober... just only have actually attempted it maybe 6 times sober in my life... Wrecked a few cars ... etc. Anyway I keep no OTC drugs in the house and right now have NO pills in the house cause my Therapist said OTC drugs can kill ya... If I don't have them maybe I won't go get any... I get this impulse to kill myself... I really mean it at the time and then when I start getting drosy or sick or am laying there after a wreck ... or all the other stuff I won't name ... I suddenly want to live.

I do not believe I really want to die... but I truely do not think I am looking for attention... I do not tell anyone unless they find out.... have only been to the hosp for OD 1 time.... Hubs came home early... I took two packets of sleeping pills... got to feeling scared and told him. ( BTW _ HE works out of town ... I am alone most of the time)

Ok geting off point... ( yes there is a point to this!!! LOL!)

Right now I am running EVERYONE except hubs .. out of my life... they all say I need help.. they say I need meds.. THEY SAY >> THEY SAY.... What about what I say???

I see a therapist... we are working on the drinking right now... Then the meds if needed .. I keep saying if I quit drinking it will all go away... he says we will see.... "FRIENDS" say get another therapist he is wrong.... well I like my therapist and they can..... ya know.

Why am I being so resistant to all this??? I do not like the talking 90miles an hour.. the anger and aggression I feel towards almost everything. I hear voices ( no not telling me to do things) but alot of voices like being in crowded room....

OK so I say right now it is stress... had to put a beloved pet down Aug 12... Mom died Aug 29.. couldn't goto funeral... Phone calls, emails 24 hrs a day... I really didn't want to talk about MOM... I do not answer the phone right now.. since the day they buried her.... Sept 1......

I do NOTHING except get on the computer... drink, feed my dogs and sleep... Then sometimes I don't sleep -- up for days at a time. I walk around the house in circles talk to myself... Have been doing SI.....

IS it because I have not been on the right meds??? Or will this go away if I can quit drinking ? Or is this just normal stress????

Crying right now... not good.....

Gabby

Posted

Don't cry Gabby. Were all here for you if you let us.

But I really think you ought to get your problem sorted one way or another. Drug's and drink do not mix as you know. You either want to get better or you want to drink yourself stupid. You can't have both!

Gabby, there are people out there who want to help you, but you've got to let them help you? If your not going to help yourself then how do you expect other's to help you?

Your going through rock bottom at the moment? I know, I've been there. But look at me now! I know I'm not perfect, but who is? I'm still only half way up that ladder myself and if I can do it then so can you!

I am at the moment, trying to deal with my issues, and it's damn hard! I get day's when I don't want to go on living and then I get day's that I think of my two son's. Who are they going to call mum if I'm 6ft under? Who are they going to visit at xmas & birthday's if I'm not here?

You never know what you've had till it's gone and then it could be to late. You've got a lot going for you. You've got LIFE. Something that's been robbed of these unfortunate soul's. Think about it!

Take care!

Paula x

Guest ASchwartz
Posted

Hi Paula and Gabby,

Gabby, Paula is right on track with you. Thank you, Paula.

Gabby, I am not a psychiatrist but I am a therapist and have worked in the field of mental health for three decades. My opinion of what you have said about your medications and your present mental state is that it sounds as though you should go back on your medications.

Having said that, I also think that stopping drinking is a good idea. Alcohol is clearly doing nothing good for you and is only making things worse. Actually, there is now medication that can help you stop drinking. I have seen many successful cases with it and you should speak to your psychiatrist.

Whatever your diagnosis might be I think Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy is the way you should be treated in conjunction with your medication. Even better, it sounds like you would benefit from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. This is a form of CBT but uses a lot of medition and relaxation to help people learn to cope better with their moods.

There is lots of hope but you must take action to help yourself by getting off of alcohol, onto medications and into the correct psychotherapy.

Allan

Posted

YEP! I know all this..... just putting it in to action is not so easy. :eek:

I can read my posts or my journal and say GEE!!! You do need help!!!

Time to do something.... I believe I will get off the computer and see if I can get an appointment for next week..... I will NOT drink .. today for sure .. but hopefully for the whole week or longer.

Alcohol.. does nothing good for me.

I was on a drug one time... started with a R... don't remember... that if you drank on it you would not get drunk.... Not like antabuse.. antabuse messes me up. It cost like $90.00 a month ... but hey I spend that on beer.

I must get control of my life....

Gabs

Posted

Hi Gabs

There's more to life than having a drink all the time. The more time's you get drunk, to try and cope with these sorrow's, The harder you fall! Till in the end, you feel that the only way you can deal with your problem's, is to keep getting drunk!!! The drink might ease your problem's for the time you're drinking, but they'll always be there, somewhere in your head.

You've got to face these issues that you are having some time..... The sooner you realise that, the better. But you cannot face them alone..... Your going to need help. No one expects you to deal with this on your own! We all make mistakes, were not all perfect! But you need professional help. Someone to guide you because it'll get worst before it gets better and you've got to fight! You've got to beat this Gabby! You can do it! I know you can. Think positive!

Were not trying to ridicule you honestly. We know it must be hard. Nobody said it'd be easy.... We just promise it'd be worth it!

Good luck

Paula :)

Posted

Not taking anything as ridicule. :)

I am one of those people that needs a push now and then and sometimes a bunk on the head. Like today, I feel great, haven't had anything to drink for 2 days? I think. My mind is clear. The anxiety is gone.

Sooo me thinks ok so long as I don't drink I will be ok.... but in my heart I know, let some stress come along and the "stuff" will come into my head. Will we go up this time??? (which really isn't too bad) Or will we go down??? (That suxs!)

Actually got 6 hrs of REAL sleep last night. No beer and no sleep aids. Usually when I am not drinking I get about 3 hrs a night... until I crash complety exhausted.

The place I goto is a state run mental health clinic.... everytime ya go they push a new med. Of course you can get this new med for only $5.00 a scrip... but I feel like a test patient.

Started out Prozac many years ok.. It was ok but I told them that if I did not take it at 2 pm everyday I got a hangover from it..... so then ... Seroquil - I think... liked it too - man that stuff will put you to sleep . ... but it made me gain 30 lbs and MOM was real obesse and they said the weight gain probiably would not stop... so off that one... Trazadone was in there somewhere.. walking zombie... Lexapro.. did nothing. Lamactil and Rysperdal... Loved the Rysperdal but the Lamactil did nothing. Geodon... bad trip. Can't remeber the rest.

But then you have to consider all though I did not drink all the time, I was drinking on and off... so that could be the reason.

I know I MUST quit drinking if I am to ever have relief from those "demons". I do not really do AA although I hang around with some People that do and have many friends with a lot of sober time. Course they say in AA if you do not work the program you are doomed..... seems like a self-fullfilling prophecy to me. But any way that is another post. Have nothing against AA.. just not my cup of tea... do like the meetings sometimes... the social network.

Is it possible to just quit drinking??? I know a few people who have. Well actually, Mom, Dad and a brother of mine... Mom and Dad just got older and quit.. course they never thought they had a problem anyway..... Brother .. welll did some major jail time and just never went back to drinking. Got a neighbor... he is older though.. started out in AA then got mad and just hasn't drank for over 2 yrs....

But anyway this is not a drinking site.....

Any suggestions on Meds to discuss with my doc??? Weight gain is a big issue.. I do not mind a few pounds .. but to keep gaining scares me.

Lithium has been discussed.... I must look the side effects up. I don't intend on telling the doc what I need , but truely I can come up with the money to pay for the scrip if it will help me... so I do not know what is NEW this week.. but it may not be what I need.

As you can see .... I didn't until I re read this my thoghts are stil all over the place, although I feel good.

Gonna go drink some coffee...

Thank you for your time.

Gabby

Guest ASchwartz
Posted

Hi Gabby,

In answer to your question about asking your Doc about medications, the answser is yes, you could ask him about new medications that block the craving for alcohol. I have know people who have used these meds to stop drinking and they were very helpful. Understand, these are New medications and not related in any way to what was used and was ineffective, in the past. You should discuss it with your doctor. No longer drinking would help you sleep and clear your mind. Drinking also adds significantly to depression.

Allan:)

Posted

Morning!

Haven't really had PHYSICAL cravings for alcohol for a long time... unless I was in the middle of a bender. Mine is more in my head. ( Can't spell that fancy word!!!:rolleyes: ) I just think.. ok.. beer .. nice... and go get one... or 24. Ya kow bored.. drink. Done somethng... drink... Bad day?? Drink.... Good day?? Drink... I just like to drink... but it is killing me.

No sugar cravings either .... had that before but not gee for a few years now.

Folks, these past few months have been a living hell.... yep, tried to drink the problems away.. only made them worse. Way Up! then Bam! Way Down! Have not ever done that before.... Have always done SI . .. but graduated to cutting....

It is time to put a stop to this. I am trying to not get too sure of myself... but I am going to do this. I am going to have a clear head when I start whatever med and I am going to stay off the alcohol so that I can live a life....

I have just exsisted way.... to long...

I do not know if I will be able to do this or not .. but another acenative... my Neice - an addict is having another Baby. She will not be able to take care of it. If the poor thing lives... she is on Meth and using while pregnant. I am thinking about trying to get the baby... but I will have to see how things go between now and then... I sure cannot do baby with things the way they are now.

But baby or not... it is time I take care of myself... before I got sooo bad I took care of everyone else... but now it is my time to take care of me....

Found the DRA website.... thinking of asking my AA friends to help me start a group here. The meeting place is right next to the Mental Health Apartments,.... so there may be some takers!

Thank you again, Just talking to me helps alot!

Gabby

Guest ASchwartz
Posted

Hi Gabby,

As AA correctly points out, boredom is a strong signal to drink. The source of yoiur boredom is probably the cycling you experience with your bipolar disorder. I really do want to remind you that of how important it is for you to get your bipolar disorder under control so that you have a better chance of beating the alcohol. Also, what did you think of my suggestion about medicaton for alcohol?

One more thing, Gabby. Our site is able and willing to cover all issues with regard to mental health and that includes mental health. There is no reason for you not to go to other sites and that is fine. Just to clarify, we also discuss addiction issues.

Allan:)

Posted

Hi Allan,

Hadn't really thought much more about the "alcohol" med cause I figured if I am not craving it I don't need it???? Perhaps I should discuss it will the Docs on Thursday.. I am sure little miss I do not like her ... will jump on it.... ( I do not like her but she is up on the meds ) Personality clash. ( she is not my Therapist.. just the one that writes the scrips and ...well I will not talk bad about her)

Somwhere in all this paper that I jot things down on a friend of mine said he used CAMPRAL??? He said it did wonders for alcohol cravings ... but he is still having problems with the meth. ( I do not do Meth.. strictly alcohol)

I guess if I think about it ... it wouldn't hurt would it??? Or some other craving med. Unless it clashed with the mood stabilizing meds. Thank you I will discuss it with the docs.

In a book I am reading there is mention of Bcomplex vitamins, also C , D and E. I do not think a vitamin suppliment will hurt. They also talk about Sam-e .. hear alot about that in forums and chats on the net... but I think I will leave that alone... had a bad experiance with St. Johns Wart years ago. ( did not know SJW worked like a MIAO or MIOA.... gotta watch what ya eat etc)

Was reading in the SI forum on this site... I had to quit.... I got a lot of AH HA!!! Yep know what ya talking about.... but then I started getting too many ... well I never thought of that.... so we will not be reading that. ... hadn't never really read about SI.... in such detail .. from people who do it.. I have read about it in general .. like the article that was on the home page a few weeks ago about the reasons people SI.

I do alot of websites.. have been on an AA site for 5 yrs.. but haven't really fit in. They are too anti- meds... some of them... then there are some DUal diagnosis there but they are afraid to talk... I started a private group and I let the wrong person in and they posted our secrets all over the net and were laughing about them... so I closed the group.

Plus I do not do well with peeps TELLING me what I MUST do.... Give me a suggestion and your opinion.. but I still have a brain and I still have rights... Apparently in some states... people with Mental Health issues have no rights... We have some people claiming to be counsilors on that site that told me if I was their client they would have me committed..... It is very hard to do that here im MS>>>> My husband would be about the only one that could have me committed against my will .. unless I was or someone else was in iminent danger.

My husband -- until the last SI incident... didn't hink I needed meds... but he is only home 1 1/2 day a week.. He doesn't see alot of things. He still hasn't seen my legs... I started wearing long pants... he knows but he doesn't want to know either.. he is the one that bought me the book I am reading. He always told me my suicide attempts, depression, and all were due to the alcohol... but he has seen me have bad reactions to some of the meds...

But anyway I digress and I am getting stressed so no more of that!!! When I start typing fast time to change the subject!!!

I have soooo many things to work on... but this is gonna be my year to do that... I am planning on working on me for a year,... and hopefully I will be a much happier person then ....

OH>>> ONE MORE THING>... Should I go to a regular doctor and get tests done like Thyroid, diabetes ( mom had that) Hormones etc??? It has never been suggested at this clinic I go to .. they do not even tell you to get your liver checked while on some meds .. although the info that comes with the meds does. One more thing that probiably won't hurt....

Thanks again! Ya gave me something to think about!

Gabby

BTW... DRA is Dual Recovery Anonymous.... Like AA But geared towards Substance abuse and Mental Health and compliance with whatever treatment you are using... they are 12 step and have their own BB etc... I liked what I read so far....I always thought it was the steps that I did not like about AA.. but I think it was the attitude of some of the OL timers...

I am glad I found this site... at first thought.. yeah I can make a site and say I have a PHD too... Couldn't figure out why a REAL physciatrist would take the time to run a FREE site.... but I read and I saw alot of sense .. Of course I do not do anything I read on the net or elswhere without discussing it with my docs....

OK... Book Done for now!!! Gotta lot of things on my mind.. I must write this stuff down so I will remember to talk about it next Thurs.

Gabs:D

Posted

Hi Gabs

How u feelin? How's the drinking situ goin?

Can I ask you a personal question? What do you get up to all day? Don't ask me why I asked you that question, because I don't know? Just had the urge! But wouldn't mind the answer anyway. That's if you don't mind giving it? Am I making sense here or am I just jabbering shit! Enuf said!

I'm a bit like you really, in between Med's at the moment and don't know where it's going to take me?

Just thought I'd say Hello & goodbye (Ha!)

Paula

Posted

OHHHH!!! SO you want to go to Gabby's World!!!! :cool: LOL!!!

I get up to a house way out in the country - yep on dial-up. With 13 beautiful Miniature Pinschers in the living room... ( No I do not collect dogs) I use to raise them.. they are all Championship bloodline .. I had 30 at one time. Ran a kennell. My drinking and issues got too bad I could not handle all those dogs by myself.. Hubs worked out of town then too. Did good for about 4 years .. but it got to be too much..... These are all fixed.

I know, some people thinking 13 dogs in the house EWWWW! But other than having to use some Freebreeze .. it is no big deal. They are all house trained and we have doggy doors and fenced in yards.

Besides they do keep the company away!!!! ;)

Usually up around 3 am... coffee, cigs and then on the computer... without my computer I would have contact with few people. I do not really like people. I go to town.... when I HAVE to... Now that I am not drinking hardly ever. Watch the Sapranos on tv... Watch a lot of shows I probiably shouldn't watch like Snapped etc. All those movies about abuse etc.. Do not know why I watch them... sometimes they set me off. Of course sitting in the dark the whole time... hate lights.

Course the baby dogs blankets have to be washed 2 times a week. When I am not drinking I actually do cook at least one time a day and eat on it all day... Good food. The past 2 days I have been taking naps .. but that is cause of the "monthly" visitor! ACKKK!:mad: Got grass that always needs mowing. I am building several websites.... I use to talk on the CB radio -- until hubs got mad and took it... I think I will see if I can get him to bring it back.. I need a break from the computer...

At 3 am there are usually 4 or 5 peeps on the CB and we use to drink our coffee together and talk.. what hubs got mad about was in the evenings I would get drunk and get on there and cuss people. They didn't seem to mind!!! LOL! :rolleyes:

I did get my GED a few months back... took classes for that .. went about once a month .. was suppose to go 2 times a week. It wasn't too stressful.. but I just feel better at home... Passed the top 3 percent in the USA!!! Actuallty aced 2 parts of it .. the man said he had never seen anyone do that!!! So now I have papers proving I am NOT STUPID!! I didn't need the classes but my doc said goooooo!!! Good Idea!!! HMMM!

WAS gonna look into college... didn't know what I might be interested in , thought about accounting or something... don't want to deal with people too much... but I kept putting it off... maybe later or next year... I hope to be moved to Tenn by next year .. with Hubs.. close to Memphis.

I am suppose to be working on getting rid of a bunch of this stuff around here that we don't need,.... ya know having yard sales etc... But I just do not WANT to do anything!!! Maybe without drinking I will be able to get some of this stuff done starting next week.

I got a Girlfriend I talk to on the phone 2 or 3 times a day. My crazy Step-Mom calls all the time.

I have 8 G kids... but I do not see the boys often and my daughter and I are not speaking... after she had me locked up in a drunk tank for 4 days.... I am closterfobic too .. so that was fun... and tried to have me committed because I cut on my wrists.... I have since informed them that she is not my real daughter and has no rights... ( I took her and her brothers in after their Mom died of cancer) Had them for about 10 yrs. Needless to say the docs didn't think I needed to be locked up!!! I really am NOT Crazy!!! I just do crazy things....

I clean some... but with just me here there is not too much to do unless it rains and the babies drag mud in.

Hubs comes home on Saturdays!! Me like those days now that he has quit trying to make me quit drinking... He quit trying to get me to about a year ago... I finnally convinced him I would quit when I got ready... I do not ever drink around him because I get mean... I do not drink around anyone for that matter.

The weekends are busy!!! Breakfast to cook.. his laundry to wash... trip to the bank... sometimes we go out and eat... meals to prepare... dishes to do.. ya know REAL LIFE! That is why I cannot wait to move to Tenn to be with Him... so I can have REAL life everyday!

SOOOO to sum it all up ... an NO I AM NOT HAVING A PITTY PARTY! Just telling ya like it is... I get up to nothing and do almost nothing... Not that I can't I just don't want to. I like sitting in my house , all alone in the dark with minimal contact with people.

I use to have anxiety attacks when I would goto the store.. but finally I convinced myself that those people don't matter and soooo what if they are laughing at me... ( I know now they probiably weren't but that is how I felt)

Ok rambled enough!!!

How about you?? How busy is your life???

Gabs

PS sent Hubs a TXT told him to bring back CB he said OK!!!!

REALLY DON'T CALL THE WHITE COATS!!! GETTING ON MEDS!!! LOL!!!

Posted

Hi Gabbs

What does my day consist off? Mmm!!!!!! Pretty boring really...... I'm a bit like yourself, don't go out unless I have too!

Here goes. Well to start with, I have two older brother's and two younger sister's and a mum. My dad died, four year's ago to Cancer. I don't bother with my family, only on mum's birthday, and I only go and take her a card & a bit of something. It's more than I get, but what the heck! There's only me that is on there own, meaning, no hubby or partner, and that's because I fell out of love with him and couldn't go on living like an Hypocrite, so I told him and he moved out. We was together for 22yrs. Still friend's though!

I have two son's. Lea who's 26yrs and lives in Australia, and Bradley, who's 21yrs and lives with me. He goes to College though, through the week, Mon/Fri.

I suffer with Manic Depression, Insomnia, Anxiety, Social Phobia, Stress. Basically, a demick! Only started with all this in January 2007, after being dismissed from my job, as a Support Worker. I disputed ALL THE WAY and filed for Court proceedings. At court, my ex-employer, offered me an out of court settlement with a reference. My Solicitor advised me to accept the offer, which was substantially low, saying that no price would pay for a good reference & I would rely on that for the future...... Been hospitalised x2. Look at me giving you my life story! I've typed it up now, so I'm not deleting it!

That is one of my problem's...... I forget what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, all the time? Get side tracked! Back to the point!

I get up, usually about AM, get washed & dressed, clean teeth, brush hair. Bear in mind, I like to go at my own pace...... I do a lot of thinking! I'll do something and my thought's are else where? In between doing all this, I like to have a fag, or 2,3,4....... You get the jist.

I have to write all my Appointment's down in a Diary otherwise, I'd forget them. So I check to see if I've got any appointment's...... Then I start to wash the pot's, sweep & mop the floor, make bed's, washer on, hung out, dried, folded, ironed and put away.

I think that I could have a bit of O.C.D. As I'm a bit of a spotless freak! All glass has to be shining, Stainless Steel has to be shining. Everything has to be just right, well in my eye's anyway. My son thinks that I've got a problem! I can't settle, unless every thing's spotlessly clean. It all stemmed from me losing my job. I had that much on my mind, still do, that I had to keep busy. I just got in a rut and now I can't get out of it!

I too, don't have to much to do with the outside world. If my phone ring's, I just ignore it! If someone knocks at my door, I just ignore it! I find talking to people, HARD WORK! I always get paranoid, thinking that there talking about me? So I'd rather not have any human contact with the outside world, if that's how it makes me feel. I just go on one if I think people are taking the piss! I'm surprised that I've not had a Heart attack by now?

I don't turn the T.V on till about midnight. I don't watch the news or have a radio in my house. I don't want to know what's going on in the outside world. All you ever hear is how someone's died or been shot, and I've got enough problem's of my own without having to consider there's as well!

So basically that's it. The same routine, day in, day out. It can get pretty boring at times, but what the heck! At least I'm not causing anyone any trouble, and that's the way I like it.

Speak to you soon. Take care

Paula x

Posted

Morning!!! So know the not answer the door... If You want to come in ya better call first... if you don't know my number don't bother.... I give it out to few people and still let the answering machine get it most of the time.

I actually go as far as when Hubs leaves to lock the doors from the outside with a padlock... I think some of that comes from the police showing up here because I would get drunk and get on the phone and people would get all "concerned" and call the cops... I do not get it... as long as I am at MY HOUSE ... how can I be a danger to anyone? And if I want to cut ( NOT GOOD) I still see it as my body, my business....

Back when my daughter and I were still talking .. she said she was coming by for my Birthday... I said "well, I guess I wil be home but, call first" ( I was not too thrilled about company at the time... so the next day comes... she starts calling... I do not answer the phone.... she calls and calls... Well I figure she would think I am not home... she comes anyway!!! I hide .... she finnally goes away! I did not want to see anyone...I wanted to be alone...

Then she calls my husband and wants to know whats up.... I answered the phone for him and told him I was ok and I just didn't want to see anyone... But she could have caused problems... I was at home.. but if I had been with a friend like I told her later I was... Hubs would have gotten mad.

OK.. grant ya probiably not normal behavior... but that is just me.

I get sooo tired of hearing..... "How do you live like that??" I LIKE to be alone! I would not mind Hubs home at night time .. but those few times he was out of work.. just threw me a loop! I am use to eating when I want, sleeping when I want, staying up all night when I want, If I choose to goto Walmart in the middle of the night so there are few people... soooooo!

Do I need people? Or Human contact I guess I should say?/ I guess a little. I have always been a loner... ya know the kid in kindergarten who sat on the side lines while everyone played... the little girl who would rather play with her imaginary friends... then go out in the neighborhood and play with the kids.

I think by getting on the computer and actually posting I am making a start.. I am learning to deal with other people and it is ok if we do not agree... I do not have to agree with everyone.. that does not make me a bad person...

OK>>> maybe I am talking toooooo much!!!! Need Coffee and a carton of cigs!!! See I am all over the place too!!!

Gabs

Maybe we should PM??? I probiably should have changed my "Handle" when I joined this group..... not that I really care too much.. but I posted on one site and BAM it was all over the net .. with people making fun.. I guess they did not know I would find them! :mad:

But then again... maybe I just need to put it all out there and someone may give me some good advice.... everyone who "cares" about me knows I have issues.. they may not know the details.. but!!!

Posted

So I take it, your a woman of my own heart!

Funny really, how we have so much in common? Both like to be alone, both ignoring social visitor's, both like doing what we want, when we want, and not forgetting the main bit! Both of our head's. Who said 'life's what you make it'?

I attend Physio on a weekly basis, and I hate going. It's not the Physio part that I hate, it's the part of going out that I hate!

I was involved in a R.T.A in May of this Year. I was actually stationary at traffic lights, behind a car. we wasn't going anywhere as the light's was on red. All of a sudden, I heard this loud screeching noise. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a car, coming at some speed, heading straight for me!

I knew straight away, what was coming next, but couldn't do anything about it as I was behind another car. The impact of the car that crashed in the rear of me, shunted me forward into the car in front. Luckily I had my seat belt on, which in no question of a doubt, if I wouldn't of, would of smashed my head through the windscreen. It still caused me to jolt back and forth at some speed!

At the time of the R.T.A. I just felt very shaken and shocked! I had no injuries, or hurting anywhere? But the morning after, I couldn't get out of bed. Good job my son lives with me or I wouldn't of known what to do? It took us half an hour to get out of bed. I ached in every bone, in my back and neck.

I eventually went to the Hospital, and after examining me throughly, said it was Whiplash! Well, after a week, I ended up going to my Doctor's, because the pain was getting no better. He said that I was suffering Sciatica, brought on by the R.T.A. He put me on very strong pain killer's. Still no sign of improvement, so he referred me to a Psychotherapist who has been doing Acupuncture on my back and he puts it to Whiplash! That too I feel is doing no good! He wants to see my Medical report that my Solicitor had arranged for me to see a private doctor and get his opinion on. I will take it for him next Friday.

I explained to my Physio that apart from suffering excruciating pain on getting up of a morning and going to bed, that now for these last two week's, I have also been suffering pains in my thigh muscles, on & off, throughout the day. Which is causing me a great deal of concern really! Well it would do if you had a accident 4months ago and you felt like your symptom's was getting worst!

I've been doing a bit of looking on the net at possible causes to the pain that I'm getting, and personally, I think it's a Herniated disk. Meaning that the liquid, that is in your disk, that act as a shock absorber to your Vertebra in your spine, is leaking out and traveling down my nerves, which is causing all the pain. There is no liquid in my 4 & 5 disk, which has slipped, so the vertebra are rubbing, bone to bone. Am I making sense! But my Physio is having none of it, and keeps persisting that it's Whiplash! I eventually lost my rag with him this morning, with the pain, and just said to him that I didn't give a shit what he thought! I just want something done about the pain that I was getting? Like talking to a brick wall!

By the way, do you like my animated jiff? That's me by the way. Banging my head against a brick wall! Ha!

So I don't know where I go from here really? But there going to have to do something? I can't stand this pain going any worst than it is. I can just bear it now!

Will speak to you in a mo!

Take care

Paula x

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Gabby,

I think you can talk about drinking as much as you need to.

I've only recently been diagnosed as being Bipolar (rapid cycling something-or-other). I was on lithium first.... Um... that stuff immediately catapulted me into a state of mania, it wasn't a natural high like I'm use to either, it was very out of place and uncomfortable.

Next they put me on Lamictal, and it Swiss cheesed my short term memory; I had enough when I drove away from the gas station with the hose still in my car.

Then I was on Depakoe for a few months. I didn't really think about it, but it was messing with my sleep schedule so I was having a drink at bed time. After 4 months the combo was working very badly for me, depression and mild suicidal thoughts. So I stopped the Depakote. I'm drug free and feeling much better for it.

But as I see so often in the posts here prescription drugs and alcahol are reoccurring themes here.

...I took a long look at my life, the cycles, what was happening, everything! It took me a few days to get all the details worked out, anyway...

Drinking played a part in all of my major episodes since I was 21. About 3 weeks ago I decided that I would quit drinking completely!

Next on my list are Ciggerates and Coffee.

Posted

Hi Gabs

How's it going? Hope your not having a sly drink? Nah! It's up to you what you do? If your struggling, then why don't you seek another way?

First: Why don't you think! What is the reason for your drinking? Loneliness, Depression, Fed up, I don't know? Only you can answer that. Once you've pin pointed what the trigger is then write it down in a book.

Second: work on what is causing you to drink, eg being lonely, try inviting family/friends round for a bit of something to eat. Or have one of these Anne Summer's party! Do you get what I mean? The above situation I know you won't do but, that might not be the reason anyway.

Thirdly: If you can't pinpoint what is the reason, then take one day at a time? You could do with finding yourself a hobby! That would take your mind of things. For a little while anyway.

Try cutting down first! Lets say, instead of having three bottles of wine today, try and manage with two! If and when you've done that, after a week of managing on two bottles, then try one and so on!

I know it's easy for me to say, as I don't drink. To be honest I'm glad I don't drink, My temper and mood swings are bad enough without the drink. I'd dread to think what your are like after a drink! Meaning that your Bipolar like me ain't you?

Anyway, just a thought. Trying to help thats all.

Take care!

Paula x

Posted

Hi Gabs

How's it going? Hope your not having a sly drink? Nah! It's up to you what you do? If your struggling, then why don't you seek another way?

First: Why don't you think! What is the reason for your drinking? Loneliness, Depression, Fed up, I don't know? Only you can answer that. Once you've pin pointed what the trigger is then write it down in a book.

Second: work on what is causing you to drink, eg being lonely, try inviting family/friends round for a bit of something to eat. Or have one of these Anne Summer's party! Do you get what I mean? The above situation I know you won't do but, that might not be the reason anyway.

Thirdly: If you can't pinpoint what is the reason, then take one day at a time? You could do with finding yourself a hobby! That would take your mind of things. For a little while anyway.

Try cutting down first! Lets say, instead of having three bottles of wine today, try and manage with two! If and when you've done that, after a week of managing on two bottles, then try one and so on!

I know it's easy for me to say, as I don't drink. To be honest I'm glad I don't drink, My temper and mood swings are bad enough without the drink. I'd dread to think what your are like after a drink! Meaning that your Bipolar like me ain't you?

Anyway, just a thought. Trying to help thats all.

Take care!

Paula x[COLOR="SeaGreen"]

Posted

Yep... thinking this site is more for MI than drinking... but THEY both are a part of my life......

to me they go hand in hand... wish I could say something and put it out there... but not ready yet....

Paula... I drink ... because... They tell me I am an alcoholic and that is what alcoholics do... because I am lonely, because I am scared, because I want to black out..... I want to not be here... drinking is like suicide to me.. I do not exist when I am drunk.... but later I am back??? Make sense??

But in all seriousness ... If I drink ... I might kill myself... so..... no more drink.....

BTW I drink Beer....

Gabs

Posted

Gabby,

I've just been reading through this thread and it does seem to me that there is likely to be more going on here than simple drinking. People who are alcohol dependent (aka alcoholics) don't generally describe the mood symptoms you do. I get a feeling of mania or hypomania from reading your posts. There is also a suggestion of auditory hallucinations which are not terribly consistent with pure alcohol dependency. All of which is to suggest to you that when your therapist says that everything will be okay if you can just get sober, that this may not be the case, entirely.

It sounds to me like you recognize this. Why else would you be exploring resources like DRA groups? Because if it is the case that there is more going on than just drinking, then you would be dealing with a "dual disorder" and the stuff that is helpful for pure alcoholics would be less helpful for you. what seems to happen a lot is that some AA people will tell dually diagnosed patients that they should not be on their medications becuase this will interfere with their sobriety, and that is bad advice, IMHO. Dual patients really do have different needs than simple alcohol dependent patients.

In any event, getting to be sober is an important goal. If your therapist is correct and that will sove the problems, then you win, and if your therapist is incorrect, then at least some of the problems will be under control and any interference between the medications and the alcohol will be eliminated, as will the difficult task of remaining motivated to take your medications as prescribed by a doctor when you are wasted.

It does have to be your choice to get sober and to participate in a medication treatment regime. The state might force you to take medicatiosn if you got to the point of involuntary hospitalization, but only for the period of time when you were hospitalized. This has to be about your quality of life and your desire to have a life that is less chaotic. Otherwise, it just won't work out long term.

Mark

Posted

Hi Gabs

You say that they keep telling you that your an Alcoholic. Who keeps telling you? What do you think? Afterall it's your body! If you don't know what your body is like by now, then god only know's? Ha!

No seriously! What do you think? Has anyone ever thought to ask you if your an Alcoholic? Do you know, thats the first step to being a Alcoholic. Admitting that you are one?

Can't help but think Mark's right in what he said though? You have been acting a bit weird though! Don't take that he wrong way! What I mean is: some of your post havn't made much sense?

Are you taking medication as well as drinking? It's your buisness, but I'd like to think that I'm here if you need me? I don't care whether you drink, take drugs (medication) Piss in a pot! or anything! I care about you. I may be over the other side of the world and if anything did happen (god forbid it!) I know I couldn't do anything physically, but I could do mentally! I'm always here if you need a shoulder to cry on, If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me!

Paula x

Posted (edited)

Hi Mark and All,

Paula's right --This should be on the alcohol post. But anyway, Mark---you have just never had the joys of rip roaring drunks if you think hallucinations and mood swings aren't part of the process. Besides my own experience, watching my ex and working in a street front alcohol program sure made me aware that hallucinations and mood swings are part of the process--from crying jags to king of the world--discussing it all with an imaginary friend. And Gabby, I strongly suspect some of your rambling posts are under the influence of alcohol. And very few people make much sense under the influence---be they alcoholics or not. And if you want to get your life together--whether you are an alcoholic or not--you MUST be sober. NO ONE gets his/her life together while drunk. And NO situation is helped by drinking. Ask yourself honestly, Is this how I want my life to be?. If the answer is no, then STOP DRINKING. Until then, no one can help you.

SuziQ

Edited by SuziQ
add
Posted

We can move the entire thread over to the alcohol forum area if people like that idea. Please let me know.

As for my intimate knowledge of "rip-roaring drinking" and hallucinations to be found therein, my knowledge is likely more limited than some of the people's around here. I'm quite aware that such things happen during withdrawal, but Gabby doesn't sound like she is withdrawing... Anyway, I am not ashamed to bow to experience :o. And we all can agree that sobriety is the first order of business here. If there are additional problems, they can be worked on later.

  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

Ok Gabby has been off in LA LA land.... Been not drinking a bit. tonight I am. I do not feel like I have to hide anything on this site.... I did not know until I re read this post that people on this site did not think I was making sense.

I do not know why I am drinking tonight ... only on the 3rd one...

But anyway.. doc put me on INVEGA.... I Lactated.. which by the way it did not help much anyway..... I have been doing real good on my drinking.... so we are now trying Lithium..... doc said because of my drinking they never did that before..... said it will kill me if I drink on it.

Right now I am in between.... body getting rid of INVEGA and getting Lithium.....

But hey if I bother you all I will not post.... ya know there are some posts on here that bother me but I am glad they feel free to post.....

I AM NOT CRAZY!!!! This is normal right?????

The people on my Recovery sites are soooooo judgemental... if you say something is bothering you.. you are on a pitty pot..... you NEED to go to a meeting>>> GAG ME!!!

I am in a bad way tonight.. my first drink in 3 wks.... Help me....

Gabby

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