Success!!! (I guess???)

[Anguished]

Something amazing happened this weekend.

I allowed a woman to see me completely naked.

May not sound like much, but I’m looking back right now, and I know it’s been at least 4 years since I’ve been comfortable enough to let anyone that close.

I’m celebrating this victory like I just won the Superbowl.

Incredibly, she doesn’t give a damn about my body issues. Know what she does care about? Drum roll, please…………….

Her own body issues!

Wow, how about that? Are we not the only ones that experience self-doubt and insecurity?

With her, she’s concerned about the shape and size of her breasts. She thinks they are too small and shaped abnormally. I bet she felt a little more at ease after I popped her blouse off and buried my face in her tits for 2 hours.

We strangely just connected instantly. After drinking, flirting, kissing and talking for several hours, we came to the point in the night where if something was going to happen, it would have to happen then. And I mean the big S-E-X, intercourse, my one biggest phobia.

I pulled back. Told her I didn’t want to. She asked why not, and at the time I was too uninhibited to tell a lie. I told her I was insecure about my little, dinky penis. She didn’t believe me……

I didn’t care at that point. So I proved it. I stripped to my bare ass right in front of her.

And she was fine. Total non-issue for her.

Just like her breasts were for me.

We didn’t have conventional sex, but we did trade some oral favors. And it was great.

I might not be able to knock boots as well as a foot-long Casanova, but on that night, I gave her everything that she needed from a man.

And I realized something. She’s been hurt before too. She’s faced humiliation, embarrassment, self-doubt, ridicule, ect.

Some of it real, some of it imagined. Sound familiar?

The point: I made her feel beautiful, and that changed the way she felt about herself and about me.

The truth: We both know the score.

She isn’t perfect, and neither am I. But when you’re alone and caressing one another, nothing could be less significant.

Thank you to the members that frequent this forum. I don’t think this night would have happened without the compassion and support I’ve received here. Thanks to you all.

(Not So)Anguished

[Luna-]

I read this post and I just smiled. This is wonderful and I am so happy for you. It is a huge victory. It is also so nice for the rest of us here on the forum to read of someone having a success; it is powerful fuel for our hopes and dreams.

Thank you, Not-so-Anguished.

[IrmaJean]

She isn’t perfect, and neither am I. But when you’re alone and caressing one another, nothing could be less significant.

I think this really says it all. I'm so happy for you both! And glad you're (not so) anguished.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Anguished,

I am thrilled for you. Do not try to convince yourself that this is nothing or only minor. This is a major success. Congratulations and let me say that I am thrilled for you.

Warmly,

Allan:)

[Fedup]

That's great news and I am really happy for you. Will you be seeing her again?

I had a bit of a setback after my latest success. The next time I met her I was a lot more sober and I realised I'm still scared of intercourse and couldn't achieve or maintain an erection. The fact that I took cocaine didn't help either tbh.

The reason I mention the set back however ,is because it was not my penis size at all which was causing the problem. It was my own hang ups about myself not letting myself relax. She even said it was embarrassing for her that I couldn't get an hard on and took it as an insult. I tried my best to re assure her it wasn't anything to do with her as I fancy her a lot.

It's funny how you mention ridicule some of it real and some of it imagined. I was out in town on Saturday and had to use a urinal. I heard a guy walking past laugh and immediately assumed he was laughing at my penis. He could have been laughing at anything the toilet was quite busy and he was with a friend. I only heard a laugh nothing else. Only managed to get half my pee out.

After all my optimism the other week I realise I still have a long way to go. I just got to keep putting myself out of my comfort zone. Having said that in another bar before the previous toilet instance there was a hen party or something. Anyway a load of women were bouncing a naked doll out and one of them commented that the penis on the doll was small. I half joked to some random guy next to me (had been making small talk earlier) that it's bigger than mine. I actually think it was too not 100% sure. I'm not sure if that's a positive to be able to joke about it or a negative that I'm still thinking about it too much.

Anyhow try to maintain your new found optimism. I think it's only natural we will have set backs along the way but hopefully we can overcome them in the end. Got to be realistic and know a life time of hang ups will not be cured in a couple of weeks. Once we have been brave enough to come out of our comfort zone we must keep doing it.

[Anguished]

Again, I'd like to thank the members of the forum for the support.

When I wrote my first post here about a month ago, that was the first time in a long time that I really verbalized my thoughts and feelings. As it turned out, having a safe place to share oneself acted as a catalyst for me.

Had I not found acceptance in these pages, I don't know that I would have had the courage to make a move on this woman. And look, I know how it sounds, I'm not trying to blow smoke up the forums' ass, but I really want to express how much I've gotten out of this.

Luna, thank you so much for your response. The honest submissions from other people here inspired me to actively pursue happiness, and I can only hope that my posts can 'pay it forward' in a way.

IrmaJean, you were the first person to respond to my very first post. Since then, I've made a point to follow your submissions, and I'm convinced that you are one of the sweetest people in the entire world. Something that you said in one of your posts resonated with me so much. Sorry to paraphrase (this may not be exact), but it was in reference to your feelings of feeling like less of a woman because you were unable to experience the satisfaction that other women feel, and that you were apprehensive of what your partner thought about you because of that. No offense intended, but what you said sounded totally ridiculous to me, because that isn't what defines being a woman at all. It blew me away that a woman would feel that way about herself for that reason. And then I realized that I had the exact same pathology, only for a man. Thank you for helping me understand that.

Allan, thanks so much. At first, I wasn't sure if you wanted guys like me on this forum. I'm aware that SPS is a mental disease and that this message board was intended for men that didn't actually have a physical impairment, only for men that thought they were inadequate but were really just normal. It seems like us guys that actually are significantly smaller have pushed our way onto the threads, but hey, we got no place else to go! Thanks for the support.

Fedup, I’m seeing her again this weekend and I am ecstatic about that. Get the feeling that she is too. Yeah, my friend, that cocaine is just never going to help performance. What a bizarre side effect. I've been clean of narcos for several years, but I'm still trying to get a handle on the excessive drinking. It's a process....

You mention that your friend felt insulted that things weren't more successful (by the way, those moments are the reason why you have a tongue). This leads me to ponder the effect our media has on our sexual expectations of one another. She felt insecure at the time because her body wasn't enough to arouse you. Or that's what she thought anyway. She has probably convinced herself that if a man cannot perform that means that the woman was ugly. When I read things like this, it just reinforces to me how important communication can be. Sometimes you have to own up to something embarrassing to help ensure that she feels good about herself.

How many times do you think two lovers have parted ways simply because each party felt that they could not satisfy the other, and yet both parties were actually just hung up on their own issues. Do you still have her number Fedup? Maybe give it another shot? If performance remains a problem, simply tell her that early in relationships you have more confidence in your oral abilities than thrusting abilities. If you sound confident when you say it, she will give you a chance to prove it.

Also, I can relate to making small penis jokes. I sometimes do it to gauge peoples' likely responses to what's behind my zipper. Maybe it gives us a clue about what a person's reaction would be, but mostly I think it just draws attention in a negative way. I'm trying to curb that mentality...

Dont worry man, I'm not so delusional to think that everything gets fixed this easily. It’s going to be a process, and I'm aware of that, but I refuse to think of this process as work. Or as a job.

The active pursuit of happiness. Focus on that Fedup, it's working for me.

[Fedup]

Oh I did pleasure her with my tongue and finger but she was feeling guilty that she had all the pleasure. She really wanted me to get something out of it but it just wasn't happening. I have spoken to a couple of friends who also use cocaine and they have told me they have had problems themselves when high and they have regular sex. I am hoping that was the problem as it's easier to overcome than a mental block.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Fedup,

There is no doubt that alcohol and drugs affects the ability of people to have sex and fully enjoy it. What about trying it without taking anything???

Allan

[Fedup]

Well yeah that's my next goal. To gain the confidence to be able to have sex without anything. It will be a huge positive for me if I can manage it.

[Anguished]

Thanks skynight. You know man, I've starting to think that confidence trumps size in all situations, even on the one-nighters.

Despite that, I've resigned myself to the idea that I won't ever be a sexual hunter; the guy that can go into a bar, in a competive environment, and pick up the hot girl.

But, I can have a relationship the old fashioned way.

I'm trying to imagine that I'm living in a 1950's television program, where young people held hands and got to know each other before going all the way.

The only real impact of having a small one is that I have to actually get to know a woman before the sex. It's really not such a hardship if you think about it.

Maybe having a small dick has made me a better person! LOL.

Skynight, I may be misunderstanding your message, but have you been unable to achieve intimacy with a woman?

If so, why do you think that is? I've been uncomfortable around women because of my size issue, but if that's not as much a problem for you, then what's stopping you from making that connection with another person?

[Anguished]

Well skynight, I hope your therapist can help provide some relief for you.

Trusting people doesn't come naturally to me either.

I've gotten into these issues with my doctor too, and as with most treatments, I've experienced mixed results.

Honestly, I think I get more out of these threads....

As a bonus, I can actually afford to get help here.

[Fedup]

How many times do you think two lovers have parted ways simply because each party felt that they could not satisfy the other, and yet both parties were actually just hung up on their own issues. Do you still have her number Fedup? Maybe give it another shot? If performance remains a problem, simply tell her that early in relationships you have more confidence in your oral abilities than thrusting abilities. If you sound confident when you say it, she will give you a chance to prove it.

I have text her a couple of times last Saturday but while she replied I don't know, just doesn't feel the same. I don't ring but that's because she doesn't like to speak to me in front of her daughter and haven't a clue what time I should do. Also she had a graduation ball last week and is also moving house this weekend. I don't know if she has cooled or she is just very busy

Anyhow whilst the other relationship is still in the balance I've got myself another date tomorrow. I've gone from someone 7 years older than to someone 7 years younger than me haha. Talk about extremes. Have been communicating with her by text all week and she seems very similar to me. I'm really hoping there is a physical attraction because from texts she sounds like the female version of me. I have seen 2 pictures of her. One of them I am attracted to her and the other one I am not really.

It will be interesting if it does become a sexual relationship. She'll probably think I'm an experienced older guy, when in reality I'll be more nervous than she is. I'll cross that bridge if I come to it though.

[flander]

Also she had a graduation ball last week and is also moving house this weekend. I don't know if she has cooled or she is just very busy

Did you offer to help move furniture and/or boxes? Or doesn't she want you to know where she lives at this point in time?

[Fedup]

Did you offer to help move furniture and/or boxes? Or doesn't she want you to know where she lives at this point in time?

I know where she lives but she doesn't want anyone to know that I have been seeing her. I had to leave before her daughter got home while I was there and hide up stairs when one of her friends popped around for a couple of minutes.

[flander]

I went out with a woman a few times that was sorta like that. Difficult to get in contact with her, reluctant to go out, had to meet her in a parking lot for the first couple dates, would only let me step inside the doorway when I could pick her up at home, and usually only went to places that were out of the way.

On our last date, we went to see "Return of the King". Right after getting past the ticket booth, she says "oh shit. I know those people over there....if anyone asks, we're not here together....we just walked in from the parking lot at the same time".

[Fedup]

It sucks. I think women like this have issues.

I went on my date but I wasn't attracted to her. She still seems keen even despite me trying to let her down gently. Was still texting me. I always feel guilty rejecting people because it's the very thing I fear myself.