Song lyrics I thought were apt for this forum.

[Fedup]

Song called "Happy" by Leona Lewis.

I find the lyrics quite inspiring.

Someone once told me that you have to choose

What you win or lose

You can’t have everything

Don’t you take chances

You might feel the pain

Don’t you love in vain

’cause love won’t set you free

I can’t stand by the side

And watch this life pass me by

So unhappy

But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?

So what it I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge,

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I just trying to be happy

I just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly

Just can’t let go

Just trying to play my role

Slowly disappear

But all these days

They feel like they’re they’re same

Just different faces

Different place

Get me out of here

I can’t stand by the side

Ooh, no

And watch this life pass me by

Pass me by

So what if it hurts me?

So what if I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge?

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I’m just trying to be happy

Oh, happy

Oh

So when it turns that I can see???

This rope??

Victim??

Don’t say anything

So what if it hurts me?

So what if I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge?

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be happy

Happy

I just wanna be

Oh

I just wanna be

Happy.

[Fedup]

Actually forget all that and forget all the positivity I've been trying to display recently. It's just too much stress and hard work even thinking about it. I'd rather just be safe and comfortable, keeping my secret to myself will lead to a much easier life. I can never keep a woman interested anyway.

[IrmaJean]

I chose safe and comfortable for a while too...but then I had no friends. Lately I've been getting little reminders of my middle age. Graying hair, a need for bifocals when reading, shoulder tendinitis, more illnesses... I have no intentions of wasting any more time. I've already wasted enough. Better to make the most out of life now.

I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged at the moment, but I hope you won't let time pass by without fully engaging with life, Fedup. Granted it's harder and riskier to put yourself out there...but this is also where the greatest joy and love can be found. You have no chance if you don't try. You deserve to be happy and loved.

You can keep a woman interested, I have no doubt, but you have to believe in yourself and keep trying. I hope that you will.

I liked your song. It made me smile. It's great to see so many of you being positive and trying to improve your life.

[Anguished]

Actually forget all that and forget all the positivity I've been trying to display recently. It's just too much stress and hard work even thinking about it. I'd rather just be safe and comfortable, keeping my secret to myself will lead to a much easier life. I can never keep a woman interested anyway.

I'm in my late 20's and have been living in fear since my early teenage years. I feel so pathetic sometimes.

Living in emotional and physical solitude will result in a life with less pain, humiliation, embarrassment, etc. That's why I've lived this way for so long.

But if I stay this way for another 25 years, will I have ever even lived for a day?

I'm trying to convince myself to grow the balls to get out there and trust a woman again, but goddamn it's hard to do.

There is so much to risk. No one respects men like us. Some women might be understanding; but no one, man or woman, will take you seriously anymore once they know. Sometimes when spending time with friends (and some family) I will see them making eye contact amongst themselves and smirk when a "size joke" is said on TV. As I survey the room, they will then look over at me.

It isn't blantant laughter in my face, but it's a good silent chuckle at my expense. That's why I've completely changed entire groups of friends. When the secret is out, I move on.

But Christ, how long can I do that?

[a_mess]

I'm in my late 20's and have been living in fear since my early teenage years. I feel so pathetic sometimes.

Living in emotional and physical solitude will result in a life with less pain, humiliation, embarrassment, etc. That's why I've lived this way for so long.

But if I stay this way for another 25 years, will I have ever even lived for a day?

I'm trying to convince myself to grow the balls to get out there and trust a woman again, but goddamn it's hard to do.

There is so much to risk. No one respects men like us. Some women might be understanding; but no one, man or woman, will take you seriously anymore once they know. Sometimes when spending time with friends (and some family) I will see them making eye contact amongst themselves and smirk when a "size joke" is said on TV. As I survey the room, they will then look over at me.

It isn't blantant laughter in my face, but it's a good silent chuckle at my expense. That's why I've completely changed entire groups of friends. When the secret is out, I move on.

But Christ, how long can I do that?

I feel the same way as you do. But you know what its not the guys bustin my balls, that i'm after so i could care less about their jokes and what i've come to realize is if a women can't accept you the way you are and not betray you or laugh at you despite her many flaws, then she isn't worth anything to you...listen man...i'm sayin this to you to fedup...I have a close female friend, you might remember me sayin in past post. Anyway i go and visit her at work sometimes, she works with mostly women, who are all married unfortunately but anyway, when i go there, they are so sweet and kind to get me to understand that what I/we worry about is really not important to a lot of women. It was uncomfortable at first but then i realized, this is great. I mean all these women I can talk to without the fear of being ridiculed or anything like that. Now my problem is talking to the ones I know are available or who show an interest in me. They are who I see as a threat and who in my mind are goin to just destroy all the confidence I've built up. I'm starting to turn that around though. It's happening slowly, but it's happening. My point to both of you start talking to the ones who aren't available and soon it will start to spill over to the ones who are available. I know the pain that comes with gettin shit on repeatedly by women for years. That has started to work for me. I hope it will work for you to. And remember they are just as human as you are.

[Fedup]

Hey,

I was not in a good mood when posting that last post due to a combination of things. I was a bit disappointed with my date at the weekend because I didn't feel any attraction and not sure if she did either tbh. It started off well, we arrived 45 mins early for the film and we walked around a bit and talked. I was doing fine and she didn't believe I was shy. We watched inception and I planned to talk about that but she didn't understand it at all. The conversation started dying on it's feet and she kept needling me for not being able to think of what to say. I'm a quiet person naturally. We don't really have conversations as a family, which may explain my lack of communication skills. We like each other, but just sit in comfortable silence most of the time getting on with our own thing. I just worry that there'll be no woman out there who I will just click with and things won't be awkward or does this only happen in Films? Every date just seems a struggle to keep conversation going and I've been told I am too quiet several times in my life.

The other thing getting me down is that it also looks dead in the water for other woman who I was dating and slept with. I was just annoyed because it was my own lack of self confidence finished it. Sometimes I get a bit angry and think she could have been more patient with me after I'd explained my inexperience. I just feel like my confidence will never grow if no-one gives me the chance to let it grow. 3 dates is the longest I've kept a woman interested for and didn't even sleep with her just kissed.

Also under a little financial stress at the moment which is not helping. I won't be able to afford to go any more dates any time soon. I will just concentrate on my body building in the mean time. I find I drink too much alcohol when going on dates, due to lack of confidence and it hinders my body building.

Having said all that, I'm in a much better mood today. I don't know if it's a sort of relief that I have no choice but not to have any more dates. I can pull myself together for a bit.

I got invited to a stag weekend away today. It's not until next year but the stag has a big penis and I think his best m8 does too. There are several men who are very comfortable with their bodies going. I am a bit worried that naked games will take place and that there will be pressure on me to follow suit. They're going to know I am small if I join in or I don't. They may actively try to find out if I refuse to join in. It puts me off going but should I miss out on the fun for a situation which may or may not crop up?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Fedup,

Its good you are in a better mood today and you are going to a stag party.

What I want to assure you of, with regard to the two last women, is that this is part of the dating game. Stop blaming yourself for not having enough confidence. Many of us went through or are going through your types of experiences with dating. This last girl just did not know how to handle the quiet and it probably made her uncomfortable. Well, too bad. Some people, like you and me, are just quiet. There are plenty of women who are terrific at keeping conversationgs going.

Don't get discouraged. We are rooting for you. Keep on keeping on and you will find the right partner for you.

Allan:)

[flander]

this can be encouraging at times.