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Feeling safe, so I had a breakdown ?


Guest nejiwhopper
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Guest nejiwhopper

I have had two breakdowns in the past 10 years. Both of which were while I was married to my ex-husband. The thing that I find interesting now, is that I felt my most secure and safe when I was with my ex-husband.

His name was Keith and with Keith I always felt safe. I always knew he was there for me and would take care of me even if he didn't completely understand what was happening to me.

Although my breakdowns were contributed to stress, my life was far less stressful than it is now.

After our divorce, when my life began falling apart and I felt I had lost control of my life; I could physically feel that I was on the verge of a breakdown. But I had fought it with all that I had in me because I knew that Keith was no longer there and without Keith there would be no one to care for me. I knew that I would simply be put away somewhere and forgotten. That during my most vulnerable time when I would need nurturing and love that it would not be there for me.

My situation has only gotten worse and that "physical" need for a breakdown is mounting but I know that it just can't happen. Not now, not here, not in this country.

I have to stay strong...I have to keep fighting it.

Edited by nejiwhopper
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I understand... I have been married for 26 yrs and we dated for 7 yrs. So I met my husband when I was 16, and he was my support, and he was a good influence as I approached ending high school and entering the world after High school... a scary place sometimes. And more inportantly, we supported each other...

He encouraged me to continue my sports and play in college and I did graduate, we married wanted and had 7 kids and he is still here through all of my new and challenging issues with mental health. My crisis started 4 yrs ago out of no where, didnt even know anything about therapy, depression, Psychiatrists, nothing. So everything was new and shocking and it was tough to incorporate into a full functioning successful life.

We had our rocky times but we pulled through all of them. So till death do us part, in sickness and in health? I have a great supportive husband and without him I would probably have had my kids taken away and sent to a state hospital where I would have deocompensated even further and I might even still be there.

A choice at 16, has saved my life. Everyone needs to find someone to help support, be a friend and not judge and help us along our journey and sometimes these people are found in the least expected of places in our life.

Good luck to everyone in their search :)

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Guest nejiwhopper

I just hope nothing pushes me over the edge that I can't hold back and fall into that deep, dark hole of desperation.

I just know if/when I have another break it will be a bad one. I feel like a volcano about to explode.

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